In August 2003, I started studying Applied Physics at University of Twente, The Netherlands. I had been at a high-school in Amsterdam, the other end of the country, before, and could get along reasonably well with my friends there. One should note that there had been a rising line in my social life all the way from early primary school to my final year in secondary education: on elementary school, I was bullied. Early in highschool I was bullied as well, but I noticed that each year, the bullies were the ones to drop out. At the end of highschool, no bullies were left.
This made me optimistic about my move to university. It seemed likely that this trend were to continue: after all, studying physics should bring me around more people that share my interests, rather than less. I suspected that there would be many geeks, many nerds, many linux-users, yes, even many aspies at this university. How disappointed I was when I discovered that it turned out to be impossible for me to make friends there!
At first, I was unable to find a place in a dorm. One should know that,In August 2003, I started studying Applied Physics at University of Twente, The Netherlands. I had been at a high-school in Amsterdam, the other end of the country, before, and could get along reasonably well with my friends there. One should note that there had been a rising line in my social life all the way from early primary school to my final year in secondary education: on elementary school, I was bullied. Early in highschool I was bullied as well, but I noticed that each year, the bullies were the ones to drop out. At the end of highschool, no bullies were left.
This made me optimistic about my move to university. It seemed likely that this trend were to continue: after all, studying physics should bring me around more people that share my interests, rather than less. I suspected that there would be many geeks, many nerds, many linux-users, yes, even many aspies at this university. How disappointed I was when I discovered that it turned out to be impossible for me to make friends there!
At my university, to get admitted into a dorm, one needs to apply for a position with the students already living there first. The students get to choose who will be their new housemate. At the start of the year, there are several talks called "kamerzoekgesprek". The idea is that students get to live in the dorm best suitable to them. However, I was not accepted anywhere and went to live solitary. In my first year, I was not too unhappy about this. I was always home before seven though, and never spoke anyone apart from in the break between lectures.
In the break between lectures, I did play card games with other students every day, until one moment, they wouldn't let me anymore. Someone was drawing cards, handing them out, but not to me. I asked "Can I have some too?" and he said: "No.". That was the end. No friendship there. They went bowling without me, people laughed at me for approaching a girl clumsily told me I was utterly chanceless, and I withdrew from the group. In the second year, I joined some interest groups. I joined groups for books and board games. At first I enjoyed being there, but later I got dissapointed at the people in those clubs (sharing a room) as well.
A was laughed at for suggesting to make a model of Colonists of Catan to calculate the best strategy (the twins laughing at me for that did not know what East-Germany, later laughed at me for not knowing what Spongebob or Rocky was, and is now featured in a reality-TV program "The Beauty and the Nerd". They're supposed to be nerds, but they find a Linux desktop too difficult to use). I couldn't speak about my interests with others. They were only interested in board games and dungeons and dragons and world of warcraft. I found it quite horrible there.
I decided to go abroad, on an exchange period. The first semester of my third year I spent in Luleå, Sweden. It was by far the best time of my life. At my home uni, there are no girls in any classes I do. In Luleå, there were - many. I asked out two. Got declined, naturally, but - in Sweden I had friends! I was able to make friends within a week. I could talk with people about politics and linguistics. I could live in a dorm, because students were placed together rather than applying at places insisting on hazing, yearly hitch-hiking competitions and getting drunk at least three times a week. All in all, I had a great time there, and a month before I had to leave I already started missing it. I completely broke down when I returned.
I got completely depressed. Bye friends. Friends are in Luleå (Sweden), Oulu (Finland), Glasgow (Scotland UK), Paris (France), Barcelona (Catalunya Spain), Boston (USA) now. Too far away! Bleh. Can't visit them. And at my home university of Twente I could still not make friends. Those people are so narrow-minded, in their dorms most have a "no foreigners" rule. I went to a political debate at university that had been advertised at many places and people had been talking about, but I was the only visitor! I tried to join some other groups to make friends. I joined a hiking group (national, not at university). I joined a youth nature group (not at univeristy). I tried a photography group, I started to go to the weekly movie at university (2-4 visitors each week). I started playing table-tennis. But one trend remained, I could cite many more examples of that: I could not make friends with anyone who is at my university and STAYS at my university. The few people that I can get along with, have moved away because they don't like the culture here...
Well, I will move away ASAP. I have applied for the Erasmus Mundus Master Course in Space Science and Technology. Information about it can be found at www.spacemaster.se. I very very very much hope I can take part. I will go abroad anyhow. I prefer Sweden for 23 reasons. I don't like it here.
Kind regards,
Gerrit.
03 Feb 2007, 3:20 pm
