Housemate persistently opening my mail

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My housemate consistently opens my mail. This has happened 5 times ina row. Ive seen him take my post from the mailbox and proceed to open it. At first I assumed he was absent minded but the consistency would suggest otherwise. In the UK its a criminal offense and I want to inform him that if it continues im going to make a log with the police. The prison term is actually 15 years. He is an international student so could face deportation theoretically.

I have to live with him however so I dont want to seem as if im taking an overly aggressive stance.

Then I´d simply tell him in an non aggressive stance, that this feels really uncomforting to you. Simply tell him, that around here, opening someones letters is commonly seen as standing on purpose behind someone, that is actually doing his online-banking or as if he suddenly stroke your backside without asking for your agreement. ^^ Its simply an habbit and you dont do that, just as you dont start tanning yourself topless, while being on vacation in an US-hotel with pool or at egyptian beaches. You dont need to understand it or agree with it, you simply need to respect, that the surrounding people, simply feel the way they feel about it.

There is nothing wrong about it, once the owner has opened his letters and invited the opposite to read it or brings and leaves it in public places. (As example if you order an gaming magazine and placing it on the public table of the living room or on the toilette.)

But even among family members it is considered as intruding in someone privacies to open a letter, that is not adressed to you.

Even my partner and I are not doing so. So we do not hide it from each other, but when I come home and bring in the mail, we naturally separate the mail that is specifically adressed to one of us, before opening them. Everything else feels... wrong. ^^ Like entering a closed bathroom wihout knocking. You dont do that ^^

I'd suggest getting the mail out of the mailbox before he does or get yourself a P.O. Box. I don't know why he's opening your mail though, that's really strange and rude. Sorry.

Before you threaten going to the police, why don't you talk to him and tell him that your mail is your mail and ask him to stop opening it.

If I were in this situation, I would never really feel comfortable about the person around my mail again. Most likely I would suck up the expense & inconvenience to have a post office box or call box somewhere near by.

If that wasn't a possibility I guess I'd have to talk to the guy But that's not my preferred approach. Simply because I am so bad at it. I guess what I would really do is write him an email.

It's kind of weird that someone, presumably an adult, doesn't know it's not OK to open other people's mail. What's that about, I wonder ~ unusual upbringing maybe?

I love my nootropics (as my post history will attest) so my post frequently rattles. I guess he thinks im importing illegal drugs . He's Chinese - I believe that the penalty for possession there is very severe. Just to add im not importing illegal drugs XD

Nootropics are cognitive enhancing supplements such as Magnesium Fish Oil B Vitamins Selegiline Noopept etc

Last edited by binaryodes on 29 Jan 2014, 2:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Opening mail that does not belong to you is indeed a criminal offense. You don't need any other reason than this to be in the right in informing him that he's not supposed to do this. It's pretty freaking outrageous, to be blunt with you. This should not be allowed to go on on minute more.

You need to sit him down and talk to him. It doesn't have to be an aggressive or angry conversation by any means at all. He's an international student so it's likely he isn't even aware that not only is opening other people's letters rude in this country, but also an illegal act.

You simply tell him that. Tell him: "Look ___(name here) ___ , I really enjoy sharing accomodation with you and I hope we can continue. However, I've noticed that you have opened my post on more than one occasion. I don't know if you know this but in this country there's actually a law against that! (Said with a smile not a frown). People aren't supposed to open mail that is addressed to another person. Although, even if there wasn't a law, it makes people very uncomfortable in general. Mail is private, because some of it may contain sensitive information. I'm SURE you're not opening it for bad reasons....but some people do do that, which is why there are laws protecting mail. Could you please not do this anymore? I'm sure you don't mean to break any laws. "

Say it with calmness, not anger. Speak as if you assume the best of him and he just doesn't know this is a huge no-no. Which may be exactly how things are. On the dark side....maybe he IS trying to get your bank information or identity information!

But don't approach it that way, try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Then even if he is doing it for darker reasons rather than unawareness, at least you've put the issue out in the open, made him aware you know he does this, and made him aware that YOU know he could be prosecuted for this with one word from you.

See how he responds -- best case scenario is he apologizes and doesn't do it again. Worst case, he gets mad and argues with you. If that happens, stay calm, stay friendly and relaxed and just tell him fine, I'm just letting you know.

Whatever the outcome, if I were you I would still try to get to the mailbox first, or set up a PO box.

This is NOT ON. Whatever his motives or lack of awareness, this isn't just "uncomfortable" but a downright security risk -- people DO steal identities easily this way.

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Mail yourself a letter that says "Dear HisName, STOP OPENING MY FREAKING MAIL! Sincerely, YourName. PS, it's a federal offense, but I won't say nothing this time."

Soooooooooo i spoke to him. I basically used BirdInFlight's line thankyou so much for that!! !

He apologised so well see what happens next. Im going to be sending myself a large box filled with rice labelled "Black market pharmaceuticals" just to tempt him. It should make the most raucous rattling sound.

When he is chinese, I might understand why he does not feel comparable as you about mail-privacy. A coworkers son, got the opportunity to study a year at an chinese university.

Unlike german communistic Stasi (ex-DDR security police) that at least tried to seal your post again, after they read it, chinese security police is a bit more honest about them doing their job. ^^ So if you get your mail anyway in an way, that makes it obvious that other people already have read it, I think you dont have that much chance of getting a sense about mail-privacy. XD

I'm glad my script-thingy seems to have gotten at least an apology from him! Lets hope what you said "sticks" with him and there is no more opening of mail. It could very well be that, being from a very different country, he just genuinely did not have the view that this is inappropriate, let alone illegal. Hopefully he knows now.

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