New College Dorm mate smokes weed in his room

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So I am 27 years old, will be 28 in April. Currently I am attending a University for a B.A. I earned my AA degree from a community college before transferring over. Before I left for the University, I told my old friends that I would be living on campus in the dorms (my own room). Which my friends all laughed at me for, saying stuff like "College kiddies are so immature, slobs who will make you feel miserable” and well for the most part they were right.

Currently I am on my third semester staying in the dorms, the first two semesters I had great dorm mates who were both over the age of 25, and they both cleaned after themselves. The floor plan for my dorm area consists of 3 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a bathroom. Each student has their own bedroom.

For the current semester, one of my previous dorm mates was an exchange student and so he is not attending this semester. The University filled the vacant room with a freshman; probably in his teens (I do not understand why they stick a 27 year old with a teenager). This teenager is a bit mixed, he is quite like me but I rarely see him as apparently he works. His door is always closed, he keeps to himself. He cleans up after himself somewhat, washes his own dishes, etc. However, he does not wash his hands after using the restroom and he pees all over the toilet seat and does not clean the mess up.

Although disgusting, I can tolerate this sort of behavior since I am always cleaning and people have asked if I have OCD.

The real issue I have with this person is that about three weeks ago he started to smoke weed in his dorm room probably once a week. At first I noticed a scent of skunk spray but it was just for one day when I got home from my night class and did not give it much thought (thought it was cologne). However the following week I noticed the smell again only stronger, to which I later learned from the younger college students on campus that if you smell skunk, it is most likely someone smoking weed.

I won’t lecture about it being illegal, or how it is wrong, etc. but the dorm room windows do not open, the ventilation is not the best, and this person doesn’t even try to mask the smell with fabreeze afterwards. The common area and the dorm complex hallway smells of skunk spray for several hours as the scent lingers.

I see no point in confronting him about smoking inside since if he is ignorant enough to smoke the weed in a public building in the first place, what good would it do it tell him what he does not care about.

I hold the same amount of respect for this dorm mates actions as I do with the individuals that get high before class and basically force everyone in the room to inhale skunk for the hour fifteen minute class period. Blatantly obvious that you are high, why don’t you just go lite up in the lobby of the local police station if you want to be so obvious. I have no respect for these individuals.

There are options that I could take to stop this problem but when looking at all of them, I might be over analyzing them all. I want to be ethical, I do not like to impose on others, and I also want to try to avoid a social confrontation.

I could confront him with the problem and he might agree to stop or he might not which I would then have to report him. I stress about the possible outcomes, what happens if he becomes aggressive, what happens if he starts spreading lies to other students, if I bring the issue up to him, he will suspect me of possibly reporting him in the future.

I could contact the Resident Assistant but school administration have always solved problems by lining the whole group up and making hints like “We have received complaints about someone in the dorm complex doing illegal activities, etc.”. They would do a quick verbal review of the school policy and not give the name of the people who filed the complaint. However still the person(s) doing illegal activities would be able to better suspect and possibly identify who filed the complaint.

If I report him to the Campus Police, he will be placed on probation, possibly kicked out of campus housing, and might get expelled. The problem I have with taking this course of action is that the student’s academic situation will be damaged, it will probably be very stressful for him and I will then feel responsible for hurting his future goals at the college.
If I don’t say something and just look the other way, I run the risk of someone else reporting it and then I could end up being questioned or possibly get in trouble just by sitting by while this was taking place.

A part of me says: report him let him be punished, he was made aware of the penalty at the mandatory orientation, he took the risk.
To look into this further, I could actually be helping him by reporting him, maybe probation or removal from campus housing will cause a life change for the student and he will no longer be at risk of doing any drugs or possibly failing college. He may become better at hygiene and develop better manners.

Options that I will have to decide on, build up the courage to take action, though I wish I did not have to think about any of this. I would rather focus on my studies.

You'd be surprised by what you can accomplish just by talking to someone. I'll bet if you told him about his smoking habits and the smell, as well as the urine he leaves on the toilet seat, he might change his behavior. I say give him the benefit of the doubt. If he continues with his behavior, then by all means, report it to the RA. At least he was warned. Some people just try to see what they can get away with before the hammer falls.

Snitches get stitches, if a college student can't smoke a little weed what's the world coming to. Loose the judgmental piety.

I agree with redrobin62, it is best to talk to him about the issues in a non-confrontational way, and then if he still smokes weed in the room, report him. I don't think there is neccessarily anything fundamentally wrong about smoking weed, but you could come under suspicion if someone else reports the smell, and you shouldn't have to risk a criminal record for your roommate. Also, the smell is unpleasant for you, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

When you talk to him, perhapts start off by saying you don't have a problem with weed itself (even that it is a bit of a lie), but that the smell is really unpleasant for you and that you are worried about legal consequences.

Hi, Welcome to Wrong Planet!

This might be a time to play the aspie card. Perhaps tell him you have sensory issues and because of that, yes, the smell bothers you quite a bit.

And the fact that you're bothered by marijuana smell on breath and clothes (irresponsibility aside), yes, I'd say that's a sensory issue common among us on the spectrum. So, welcome to the club. (And, getting high before class is of course royally irresponsible! The same students who slack off the whole semester and try to do it in two days.)

I made a post which you can perhaps use to show him that these are real issues which still maintaining your privacy, on sensory issues as they relate to smell.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt250472.html

Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 23 Jan 2014, 9:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think that's unlikely. I think they'll realize that it's a college dorm set up with separate bedrooms. At least they should. I mean, like you say, he keeps to himself with the door closed.

Now, what might happen . . he agrees with you on the smell. But he's highly motivated, when you're likely to be gone for a number of hours, he might light up. That happens all the time. People agree to something and slack off. I'd still reconsider a second, third, fourth time, and try not to turn him in. The right to lead his life as he chooses and all that.

Now, where you might be useful, if you hear that a resident advisor told him he had to cut it out, then you can back up the RA, perhaps just matter-of-factly telling him, yeah, I think the guy is serious. Believe it or not, with you being 27 and this guy a teenager, you are an authority, including in his eyes, even if he seemingly dismisses anything you say. Just don't overplay your hand.

In your shoes, I'd not share a room with a smoker of any kind.

I'd just go to the housing people and ask to be transferred. I'd not say anything about his drug use.

Get your own bottle of Febreze and spray it in the common areas if the smell bothers you. Don't ruin this kid's life and education with legal consequences just because of your sensitive nose.

Weed shouldn't even be illegal; there's nothing "wrong" about it.

Do you have bathrooms in your dorms or is it a communal bathroom? We had bathrooms in our dorms, you'd be amazed at how effect a damp towel and the exhaust fan can be.

I def think that you need to talk to him as a person, don't come off as a judgemental jerk who thinks he's an aweful person for smoking weed, just approach if from the aspect of "I don't care if you smoke weed or not, but the smell of it bothers me, can we work out some ways to reduce the smell?

My experience with weed smokers is that most are pretty respectful people.

I got high before class probably every other day when I was in undergrad

I majored in bioanthropology and getting reefed and going to learn about the bone morphology of homo erectus and stuff was amazing. Although I do hear what you're saying, I probably could have done better, but I did graduate on time with a B+ average and zero regrets... It's getting high and then not going to class at all that gets people in deep.

Thank you everyone for your input. What ended up happening is that the Residence assistant and police showed up one evening. Turned out another person in the dorm took action before I did. They did not find anything, but the visit scared the hell out of all the students on the dorm floor. Afterwards me and my dorm mates got together and talked about if we smoked, to not do it in or have any of it in the dorm.

It has been about a week since that happened and there has not been any problems. Another positive would be that the student that I was suspicious of, has put more effort into cleaning the common area.

pot smell stink and it is unpleasant. he as every right to live in an environment free from the smell of that stinking plant

+ 1,000,000

If I roomed with a smoker, even if I liked him, I'd request a change because I'd never get away from the stench he'd bring into the room on all his stuff.

Nah, could but I think that'd be unlikely. If he wasn't in school he might just smoke because there's nothing else to do