What do we want? To know! What do we get? Rote Memorization!

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Maybe someone else has this problem. I really enjoy learning, but I am often reminded that the apparent goal of academia is NOT to know or understand, but to regurgitate.

I've been accused of a lack of departmental loyalty to a department which offers an average of two new courses a semester in two fields, despite employing sixteen professors in a variety of fields who aren't publishing or on sabbatical. I've been officially censured for not graduating already, but I haven't been able to line up enough classes to fullfil my requirements (a common complaint around that department.)

My professors play hot potato with me, when they're not stopping class to tell everyone how dumb I am for a technically correct answer to a question. My tests come back bleeding red ink because in an essay answer, I used a synonym, and did not word-for-word quote the professor (who is technically incorrect according to the textbook and the assigned readings for the course.) Between the comments about my "not understanding" the concepts, there are snarky comments about how the professors are "doing me a favor" by letting me pass. They won't let me take my tests home to study them and try to figure out how to anticipate what they want on exams--because they never update the exams. They've been using the same exams for six years and just photocopying the photocopy. If you go in to look at the exam, you have to be able to concentrate while a series of snarky remarks are aimed at you. I tried.

Fer Christ's sake, the as*hole teaching last semester's methods course asked what introducing Type 1 error into data gathering does to the correlation coefficient. I answered that it artificially inflates the correlation coefficient by creating a pattern in the data which statistical measures are sensitive to. He cut me off and said, "No, it makes it bigger" in a new and novel interpretation of the word inflate.

My papers come back with "use smaller words," "use smaller sentences," and "stop putting so much science/math in your papers." I used to teach English at this college and graduated with a Masters and distinction. I don't know what to do with a science discipline and a statistics and methods course in which I am supposed to stop making papers so science-y and math-y.

I have trouble remembering that the stated goal of academia is NOT the actual goal of academia. I keep running into problems in academia precisely because I keep forgetting that the social impetus of academia is NOT the production of knowledge. We read the same theorists who were writing fifty or more years ago about social conditions, and the conversation begins and ends with "gosh, weren't those guys smart." Nothing new, nothing recent, nothing on technology, and our readings on science reiterate that scientists are meany pants who think they're better than everyone else. The discipline itself is full of pointless polysemy--there is ZERO consistency between theorists. You just pick a camp and stick to it.

In my math and programming courses..... I'm making As. The programming course I'm in has had us write a game a week from scratch in Vi, to be executed from the command line, and I'm carrying an A. I've only missed a single point so far, and it's midterms. I'm going to conjecture from this that my problems are social and not intellectual. And the really nice thing is that once you understand the formula, you're good--no one is going to radically reinterpret the meaning of basic terms and change the meaning of a term without telling anyone before the exam. (Or at least, as of yet.)

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you keep yourself aware of the fact that the goal urged on you in coursework and in class discussion is NOT the actual goal of your education? How do you memorize things you know to be false in order to pass?

I have the opposite problem. I simplify everything whereas my environment would prefer it if I used more words and spoke more jargon. I tend to omit what I see as obvious - a big problem when it comes to exams, although thankfully I don't have to do those any more but it is an issue even when writing an email inviting someone to talk at an event.

Try and sound less like a robot, because they are just interpreting it as you making fun of them, even though you are not. You know it's a game you have to play to get by, so just suck it up. Sorry that I cannot be more helpful

My university situation was not as bad as yours. I was motivated to graduate, and after a while, I no longer had the energy or leisure time (thanks to all of the coursework) to attempt to learn the proper way, so I just concentrated on copying what the professors did on homework and exams.

I've gotten to the point where I've stopped looking things up, but I already know too much about math to not know that saying a z test is enough to "prove" a thesis is demonstrably false.... and I have trouble remembering to answer that it "proves" a thesis. I would do better if the answers weren't essay style, involving pages and pages of synthetic explanations.

mouthyb - the prime directive of an institution is similar to those of a living organism; they are self preservation/self perpetuation. Neither of these requires self awareness. Academia and those deemed Academicians do not require their stated goals to match the various behaviors needed to fulfill this primary goal of continuity. However, anything which threatens this goal - such as new ideas, students who in fact are smarter than their instructors, and especially when the perceived threat comes from someone old enough to be a peer...Well, they're going to fight like h*ll - which in this case means treating you like sh*t! They are not your friends, they are your competitors.

Academia is not some serene ivory tower clad in golden ivy where the joy of understanding is worshipped for its own sake. Insights, knowledge and wisdom are not going to radiate from some brilliant podium in a glittering lecture. Academia is a pestilent rat hole where the inhabitants battle and seek to destroy one another in hopes of emerging triumphantly in possession of the most honors and grant money...and most of all, a tenured chair. Keeping the students cowed and obediently parroting the instructors blather is just a basic requirement of its digestive system.

I'm assuming you're familiar with the works of Thomas Kuhn on the cycles of Scientific Revolutions...your distress is part of the territorial battleground you've entered.

Why are you doing this to yourself? What do you need with their approbations and approval...especially if you're right? Then again, if you want to play the game this is what it is. If you're interested in Truth and Understanding, Knowledge and Wisdom - you might be looking in the wrong place. If you need it for a long term personal goal, like a job, you'll just have to suffer through it all until they allow you a degree.

There are no virgins in a whorehouse.

Yeah, I know this is pretty bleak observation, but there is a small chance you can find like minded friends, supporters and mentors along the way. Of course, given the territory, a lot of them are just other rats out to use you for their own ends. True friends are few and far between - I know, social stuff etc...but necessary to cultivate. And if you persist in your successes; after all, they can't deny you your A's however grudgingly acknowledged - if you keep at it, you will eventually pay enough dues to gain their wary respect.

Last, but not least...Don't inflate the importance of some idiot's nonsensical criticisms. If they can't read the big words, maybe they need to study the fine print in their contracts - the ones demanding competence and appropriate treatment of students. It's a good idea to keep this last point to yourself - it's just a balm for your self-esteem.

BornThisWay: I guess that's probably at the root of the problem. That kind of competition is a blind spot for me, and one I try diligently to understand and compensate for, but the minute I'm not paying intense attention to it, I forget it's there. I just.... don't get it. And then something happens, and I think "Okay, I've got to pay better attention to this. Better clam up." But the minute I relax, I forget.

I am familiar with Kuhn. In fact, I just read him again this semester. I don't know why I'm persistently naive here, but it seems to just slip from my mind because I just can't believe anyone would act this way. It's like trying to hold water in my palms.

I'm in academia because I honestly can't think of any other career which I could do--the things I'm good at all involve learning, problem solving, editing and the creation of things. I'm not horrible at dealing with people, either, even though it makes me uncomfortable (or at least I do well enough for them to feel friendly toward me and to want me to come hang out with them off campus/meet their friends, family or significant others/want me to work with them.)

I added an edit to the post above.
Egads, you've chosen a life in the sewers of the soul...I wish I could offer you something other than the blessing that you develop a tough enough skin to endure the blather of the other inmates. My cynicism is pretty deep - the only other hope is to find at least one true friend and mentor in the system, or to perhaps start looking for cleaner institution.
The naivete of those on the spectrum is both a curse and blessing. It helps us to be open to new ideas and insights, to not see the obvious patterns, and so go forth to find the real paths to new knowledge . The curse is that it allows us to be injured and blindsided by those more socially skilled and rapacious, who use their nasty barbs and destructive attacks as a shield for their innate lack of talent. Sometimes I think it is the immature form of true wisdom.

Unfortunately, I think that academia is progressively becoming more and more about grades and publishing papers and less and less about education/learning. I don't even know if I want to go to grad school at all anymore. I'd rather just continue reading graduate-level science books on my own.

Funny I think all this every day and I'm in high school. Can't say admissions officers would be too amused if I mentioned something like this in an app essay. I wouldn't 'fit in', as the 500 postcards they send about how unique college learning is, with others,

Postcards lie.

Kraken: Oh, you are singing my song (except for on race, but I hope I can sympathize.) The class issues.... when I talk about them the reaction is collective eye-rolling most of the time (offline). I should just "try harder" or some s**t, and apparently I bore people when I talk about it. After all, college is a *snort* class-free experience--everyone can afford to go on vacation for Spring Break, or to overseas to "find themselves," or to go to the bar every night/out to eat often to socialize, or can afford to not have funding, or who can afford to eat on campus, or can afford eleven textbooks for the course.

I'm also having gender issues: I tutored a male student through his stats courses (slowly explaining concepts over and over.) His work was "brilliant". Mine was maaaaaaaybe a B, with no comments justifying the grade. She also marked down my homework and tests, but wouldn't let me take the exams home to study it and wouldn't justify my grade to me except for to say I hadn't quoted her correctly on the exam. At least the student was honest enough to tell the professor, after which she lectured the class on 'not studying together.' Not studying together? It's a f*****g grad stats class.

I just LOVED professor boob starer. Or professor "if you don't shut up I'll twist your arm/keep digging my fingers into it." Or professor "all my good students get me discounts at department stores." Or professor "be loyal and/or date me or I'll ruin you." Or professor bad touch. Or professor "got in a fist fight with his students." Or professor "let me name drop brown people I personally saved from themselves with Jebus." Or professor "technology is a fad." * pant, pant *

You know, I hear some people get through grad school just fine. I have NO idea who they are or how they manage.

College is a class disparity amplifier.

I forgot to mention the professor who gave me a C without any evidence. I got As on all of the group assignments but he never returned my individual grades. He dodged me whenever I tried to set up office hours to discuss the matter. He tried to justify it by saying that certain assignments weren't turned in, which would've had little effect on my final grade, that is assuming that they counted at all. The very assignments that he'd complained about had their weightings changed to zero after the fact because either nobody did them because it was during midterms or he didn't feel like grading them. He had everyone prepare presentations (in a class of ~70 people) and gave everyone 2 minutes to do a summary presentation. The math obviously wouldn't work, but here's the kicker: most of the people who were able to present did their entire presentation! He tried to give me a zero for his decision not to give everyone enough time to present. He didn't actually teach anything that semester. When I complained the school created a committee to investigate and they decided not that there was no evidence of wrong doing, but instead that it was merely plausible that I earned a C because I had previously earned Cs elsewhere previously in my college career. This was my 3rd STEM degree and they covered for him on the basis that this wouldn't have been my first C ever.

Krakken: Man, it's a pity we don't live in the same place, because it would be nice to get a beer and cry (okay, I'll cry. You can do whatever you do when super frustrated.) I've just not run into people who seem to get the broad-spectrum combination of incompetence, sexism (or racism in your case) and... creative... record keeping* that I've run into. I swear to god, I should get a job finding the useless as*holes in institutions.

I hate to say it, but this is oddly cathartic. Thank you. I hope you're feeling at least a little relieved, as well.


* I can't tell you how many times I've had to hunt down misplaced paperwork, make someone amend a grade, had to prove I turned something in, had to bring the class slides to prove I shouldn't have made a bad grade, etc. No one has time to keep having to do that. After awhile, you just get.... exhausted.... Especially since everyone else is like "oh yeah, you should fight that", but they don't actually help you with anything or attest to what they witnessed (in the case of professors stopping class to make fun of me, say).

I am pretty sure you have never experienced the kind of crap I've been battling for 20 years now.

Me to an academic only couple of weeks ago: So, I am interested in doing a PhD in this place.

Academic to me: So, where do you actually come from?

Me: (taken aback) Why, does that matter?

Academic to me (nodding emphatically): Oh yes, most certainly.