Applying for a PhD --need help with organizing

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Hi all--

Im in the process of applying for a Phd. Im 46--and the reason Im applying so late is because until now I never thought I was smart enough--I was so beaten down by the bullying and feeling strange all my life. Also, my awkwardness never came across as smart because I am shy and intense. In any case--

I went back to grad school for an MFA last year and I love it! Which is why I am applying now for PhD programs--because I love learning. This past year has been the most fun I have ever had my entire life.

But--and heres where Im hoping at least one of you can help me--Im terrified about the statement of purpose, about the GREs and writing my writing sample. Ive had all summer to work on all of this and I havent really accomplished anything. I studied for the GRE with books and Magoosh and after one month my points started going down! So Im signed up for a Kaplan course starting this week.

Ive written around 5 drafts of statement of purposes but I just cant seem to focus because I am so afraid! Everytime I sit down to write why I want to go to each particular school and what I have to offer, I get fuzzy--same with the writing sample. I have some essays I wrote for classes last year but I cant seem to get my mind around how to add another 8 pages to each.

Ive been trying to find an Asperger therapist in NYC to help me with my organization but the only ones i have found dont take insurance and charge 200 or more an hour.

So--what id love is:
1) if any of you have suggestions for therapists in NYC with experience with Aspies and/or
2) if youve applied for PhD programs, your experience writing your Sop and putting together your writing sample.

Thank you!

I would also love advice in this regard.

As for you, Naturalist, I think you'll do fine. The work involved in a doctorate is similar to what you've been through before. Maybe the problem is in its "open-endedness." You, probably, have to create a concrete schedule for yourself.

However, you, in the past, have had to organize digs, and to sift through much archaeological material, organizing that stuff into many categories Both were considerable logistic undertakings. I would just make use of my past experiences.

Perhaps, the most irritating aspect of doctoral work is your relationship with your colleagues and your superiors.

Cindy: Truthfully, in going for your MFA, you did much "dirty work." Make use of that experience in your "statement of purpose." Speak about the trials and tribulations, but speak about what you want to accomplish within the doctoral program as well. There are people who advocate that you "keep it simple and humble." I don't agree: If I were somebody assessing doctoral candidates, I would want one who is not a sycophant, and one and one who has had "life experiences," as well as possessing knowledge of the pertinent material. I would write, especially, about how you were able to overcome obstacles.

I have come across 2 avenues to consider for help:
1) child psychs who work w/ ADHD. those folks also get help with executive function/organization skills. and unfortunately, most qualified/experienced clinicians are child psychs rather than adult psychs. this is the advice given by one of the top ADHD experts in his books for adults
2) hire a personal coach. these folks are usually clueless to psych profiles. However, they do understand how to help someone with a goal. Thus, with your well articulated goal of apply to Phd programs, your personal coach will help you develop a plan, track your progress, adjust the plan if necessary, etc. Personal coaches are cheaper, yet don't take insurance.

good luck. It sounds like you've found something you love. And THAT is important.