Has do I tell my 14-year old son he has asperger's

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When he was little I explained that his pronunciationa and word learning and recall difficulties were because he had a "little wire loose" from the brain to your mouth but that he was very intelligent (always had severe academic difficulty). Never did I imagine he'd be diagnosed years later with a real wiring situation. Then when he was diagnosed last year (at 13) I chose to refer to it as executive function difficulties. So I said oh, now we know why. Its your executive function. Since socially hes okay, has a group of friends who come to the house every friday and are friends from schoool, even tho he clearly will have future social and relationsip difficulties. But so far at this age he's ok. Socially has what he needs to be happy. So I didnt offer any explanation for his future social difficulties.

So if I use the word aspergers if he cares to look it up in google, he'll find the word autism which can lead to informatin about very serious and frightening cases of autism, the autism that i grew up knowing about (child banging head on wall, with very serous intellectual deficits etc.)

At some point i'll have to tell him. I just don't know when or how. So as to not scare him or so as to not have a rejection of the diagnosis by him.

Help ??! !?!

You simply tell him. Aspies tend to reason based on facts, so your explanation will make sense. Do keep it factual, providing him with resources (e.g., Tony Attwood's site), and be sure to demonstrate that AS is a different, not defective, way of thinking. And that there can be advantages, but he must learn to use them appropriately. I would refrain from making a big deal out of this; that is, please do not dramatize AS and/or make it seem catastrophic or somehow weird. Because it's not. Never shame, and make sure he understands definitions.

You may wish to explain that he may wish to be discreet regarding his AS. That is, he does not need to tell all his friends and teachers. And also that good behaviour is always advantageous. That is, AS is not an excuse for misbehaviour, and he might need to learn some basic societal rules and manner (but then, so do all kids).

Explain too that there others can misunderstand AS, so he needs to protect himself. The very best tool is confidence. Compliment the strengths he has. What qualities and traits has AS conferred to him? Make him aware. You might invite him to join the Wrong Planet too, if he wants.

At the moment his english isn't good enough.

We live in Spain. I speak to him in english and he responds in spanish. I wish there were such great resources in spanish. So right now I don't have anythibng from the web that is useful to him. If there were something in spanish this good, i would definitely have him start looking.

He is also a bit immature, or quite a bit immature. He only cares about sicence stuff, not about behavior stuff. He sees a therapist and I'll talk aobut it with her but I'm asking here because I figured aspies themselves are the best people to ask on how they would like to be told as a young teen.

Well, if he's into science, telling him could be a good thing. I like doing my own research.

I mentioned in the other thread I've got a neuromuscular disorder.
1. There's what the doctor told my mom (limited by his patient exposure or memory of medical school studies)
2. Then there's what my Mom understood and relayed to me (no offense, but, she's got terrible enunciation and can't spell so the words weren't really the words I needed to understand and look things up)
3. Then there's the information available on the internet

Once I finally had a name for my disorder written down for me, I could search. And, yes, I saw the doctor's information was based on older medical data (that most patients are middle aged men, when they're not, most of them are females of childbearing years, but, in the past women were dismissed as being depressive or attention seeking, rather than receiving a correct diagnosis), and then I found other patients, support groups (some more formal than others) and the resources THEY shared.
Basically, doing my own research meant I could read a ton of material and sift through to the bits that actually applied to me. It made me feel more in control to understand how it worked, and then I made the decisions about my medications and learned about other potential treatments, even if I didn't need them at the time.

I just dismissed the stuff that didn't sync with my experience and focused on the things that did.

It was the first time I obsessively researched anything, but, it certainly wasn't the last. lol.

Best of luck as you talk about this.

That's such a good point. Oftentimes explaining an emotive concept can be easier by keeping to the facts. Of course, everyone has their own interpretation, but hopefully we keep it grounded in facts and current research. I know what you mean about antiquated research.....hopefully we'll all use our critical thinking skills.

Anyhow, OP, all the best to you. I imagine he already has an idea. And he'll come to understand more with time. I hope that he realises that he has many positive qualities via AS too. I honestly don't know about resources in Spanish......maybe your local library would have resources?

I'm looking for forums in spanish. although i think he's too young still. I may have to wait a year or to, because frankly he's too immature to care.

Well if he is a mini-scientist it might be a good thing, when I finally worked out that I was an aspie is was a very disturbing part of my life. It was something which challenged me greatly as it changed the way that I viewed myself and changed my understanding of how I relate to the rest of the world. While it was worthwhile in the end, it was a painful process.

As a scientist I started to apply what I know about science to myself, I started to read about neuroscience and psycology. If he has already given himself an education in science then he might have the mental tools required to exposre a new field.

I would like to warn you that just becuase someone is interested in one area of science does not mean that they will be interested in all areas of science, some areas of science do not interest me. Given the choice I would rather stare out of the window or clean glassware than do some areas of chemistry, let alone some areas of physics or biology.

I think you need to stick to the facts, if he can read english I would suggest Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and also the output of Temple Grandin.

Try not to show him or tell horor stories, the shock horror tales do no one all good.

Yeah, I guess finding an appropriate book translated into spanish might be a good idea, depending on the book. I'll have to see which of the good ones are in spanish. I haven't had time yet to read any books on aspergers, just lots and lots of web reasarch and lots of time organizing his homework.

It's my MO, no matter how much the tendency has baffled or frustrated my romantic partners.

Having autism is definitely a stigma in the US, and it sounds like it is in Spain too. I guess the real thing you should do is to show your love and support for your son no matter what labels he may be applied with. Besides, you can explain that autism is defined as a spectrum, and that the more several cases of autism won't apply to him because he's not in that range. I wish you guys the best!

S'OK, MissDorkness - our minds are just designed in this way, and rightly so. Once, during a romantic moment, I told my male-friend to "comply." He's not forgotten still.

Anyhow, much as there is great variability among humans, there is even greater variability within the autistic spectrum. Like Pitabread123 posted, be sure he is made aware of this variability.

LabPet, I'm sorry, forgive me, but im not gonna forget about the comply comment. Too good. I'm starting to really understand aspies, and developing a soft spot in my heart as well.

Yeah, say you're starting to get intimate and ask 'what is the status of your fertility?' and being told 'you really need to work on your dirty talk.'

Sounds like a "dominatrix" motif to me.

Comply with what? LOL

OK I needed that ! Although at 14 I won't mention the examples of must comply or status of fertility, But I gotta tell ya, those are totally on the mark comment and question. Total common sense. Then after you can do the dirty talk.,