Does anyone feel like they're just kidding themselves?

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Since last college year I'm experiencing this increasing, creeping feeling of (future) inadequacy, as if I'd very likely struggle in the future to properly function in a job and as if my issues were tapping me on the shoulder yet again, whispering in my ear that no, I can't escape.

As of now I'm starting to realise more than ever that I will always have certain issues and difficulties that can be lessened during 'good' times but that will always be there, even when I'm at my 'best'. 'Doing great' in my terms means functioning somewhat like most people, to some extent. (I will always be different in terms of interests, priorities, etc) I instinctively avoid social chitchat and people who like having that and if I've been at college working with and talking to people I need a lot of time to 'reset' because I'm somehow very sensitive to their 'influence' or 'wavelength' (yup, sounds vague, I know) which makes me feel uncomfortable and tired. 30-60 minutes is exhausting enough, let alone a whole day.

My energy levels are more limited than other people's and where other people can do and be a lot of things at the same time (for instance, employee, mom, friend, wife, hobbyist at home etc) I can only be a few.

I do many things at the last moment especially when I'm not doing 'very good' which will probably remain that way. I mean, I can feel good or a bit worse at a time, but I *can't* be doing very good forever. I know I have my ups and downs, if not simply just in energy levels. Now that weather will improve I'll probably do somewhat better, but my functioning level feels so.... fragile and dependant on circumstances (such as how I feel).

Because of all this and realising yet again that I can actually function but which usually means that I'm feeling like I'm running on my last legs I get this increasing notion that if I'm really honest with myself and how I know myself as an adult, I'm kidding myself and my environment. It feels like a farce.

Does anyone know this feeling? And if so, how do you react/act upon it? What choices did you make?

I'm not in college right now but I'm quite familiar with this mental landscape. All I really know to do about it (in my shoes at least) is to independently caffeinate and study my ass off. Probably something verging on 25-28 days a month. Admittedly this might be an easier strategy for me as I'm a technologist. This just makes the elusive 'reset' time vastly more satisfying when I do find myself some. For example last night I let my phone battery die, didn't flinch when the overpriced touchscreen rectangle fell off the armrest, didn't charge it up yet and walked 2 miles to the grocery for a snack & some vitamins. In caloric terms that makes no sense whatsoever but it worked great for clearing my head.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Still in high school. I do OK with some classmates and not so great with others. But the ones I do good/OK with, the conversations usually last a minute or two and then I am gone. With NTs, they go on and on about random crap for 55 minutes. But I have a lot of interesting (note: not weird, just uncommon) interests, and it might make them feel I'm too weird for them if I keep blabbing about that. So I try to talk about "NT" topics as 98% of my school is that stereotype, but it doesn't last long usually.
I don't procrastinate too much, but sometimes I am rushing to get things done by the deadline...especially if it's a large assignment due "at the end of the period."

Yep. I feel that a lot. The key to a successful career for an Aspie, as far as I understand it, is to find a job that requires specialized knowledge or skills, and where social deficits would be overlooked in favor of your skills. For example, science or computer industries require special knowledge and training, and employers will overlook a certain amount of social ineptness or special needs situations for an employee who is very good at their job. Unfortunately, most jobs value social skills over job skills. I was by far the best person in my office at the job we were doing, and I got fired from that job because of my social deficits. It was not a job that required social skills, and they still fired me as fast as they could.