essay on bladerunner, s o feels like correcting?

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lemon
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31 Mar 2007, 6:36 pm

hi i've written an essay on bladerunner for english literature,
does anyone feel like reading it (or a part of it) and checking mistakes like wrongs words or so?

i thank you in advance :wink:

http://users.skynet.be/sarahz/bladerunner.html



Jameson
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31 Mar 2007, 7:16 pm

In the first paragraph you wrote the word "thread," but I think you meant to use "threat."

In the third paragraph in the story section you use the phrase "his last poetical words". This may be better written as "his poetic last words" or "these poetic last words"

I'll read the rest of it later. What I've read so far is good. :D


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GoatOnFire
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31 Mar 2007, 11:31 pm

Raechel's pictures:

You misspelled superior in the first line.
Jameson already hit "thread to threat."
Put a period after the Mr. when you say Mr Tyrell on the second line.
In the third line photographs doesn't have an e

Blade Runner The Story:

First line I'm not sure "computerable" is a word. I'll leave that to your discretion
Seventh line by "fysical" I think you mean "physical"
Second paragraph second line. I think you mean "prevent" rather than "provide"
Third paragraph second line you misspelled "lengthen"
Third paragraph thrid line capitalize mister
Fourth paragraph first line you misspelled "companion"
Fourth paragraph second line add a to in between reveals and her
Fourth paragraph third line is it Rachel or Raechel? It changed here. Existence was misspelled.

The book:

First line remove an extra s from focuses

When is this due? I'll come back and check the rest if you want if someone else doesn't handle it.


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GoatOnFire
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01 Apr 2007, 12:24 am

Aw hell. I'll do the rest now. It reads very well with flow. I'll try to catch all the minor things. I'm fairly efficient at editing other people's papers but I can never properly edit my own for some reason. :?

Surrounded by photography:

Second line press spacebar between of and "the and (65) and where
Seventh line is that y supposed to be by?
Fourteenth line I'm not sure you want the space between the pronounced and :

Photography and memory:

First line remove the space between youth and ,
Eighth line add space between realiteit" and (direct
Twelfth line "because of the "mechanical" quotation marks are messed up it is not good to start a sentence with but
Fourteenth line changed spelling of Raechel again add an apostrpohe to its (it's)
Second paragraph second line remove apostrophe from digit's (digits)
Second paragraph fifth line remove space between great and -grandfather
Second paragraph tenth line capitalize earth
Second paragraph fifteenth line quotation mark is backwards
Second paragraph eighteenth line "symbolical" is not a word change to "symbolic"
Second paragraph twentieth line fix space between himself and ?

Raechel's picture

Second line it looks like you accidentally hit return/enter
Fourth line not a enitre library an entire library

Photography and visuality

First line misspelled atmospheric
Third line fix space between elements and :
Third paragraph second line suggest to suggests add space between , and judges
Third paragraph seventh line change know to known
Third paragraph ninth line awaking isn't a word change to awakening
Third paragraph twelfth line remove space between created and ,

Androids versus human:

Fourth line add an apostrophe to its (it's) and add a to in between explains and us
Second paragraph first line remove space between " and I
Second paragraph fifth line once again not good to start a sentence with but

Are you big in to symmetry? One thing I noticed was that almost every line was constructed to end at the exact same spot. Or is that a requirement? Sounds like a good paper. If I missed anything someone feel free to chip in.


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lemon
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01 Apr 2007, 8:28 am

wow, thank you very much GoatOnFire, that's a fantastic correction ! !! :D :D :D

(i'd say if you'd ever need to have a Dutch text corrected :lol: )


that's really a great help, i thank you a thousand times :!:

(for the symmetry that must be a hazard)



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01 Apr 2007, 9:20 am

the story:

not many english literature teachers will like (=destroy): get rid of the =sign just leave it as destroy or use words.

'performant' should be performance

'who make each new model a little more perfect': i think this is a bit confusing who the 'who' is referring to. ( Corporations are usually refered to as 'they' not 'who'. I would start a new sentence and write something like.. Every new model is made..)

six Nexus-6's: you don't need the apostrophe.

26 human beings: write the word twenty-six.

'Nexus 6': i would write Nexus6 or Nexus-6.

Probably being a bit 'picky', can't see any other errors not mentioned by other posters.

Good essay: you managed to get the "I have seen things you people wouldn't believe..." quote in.
"Wake Up..time to die", is another of my favourites.

It's a very good film & book.
I like the unicorn dream and the guy doing the origami; a nice touch.



lemon
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02 Apr 2007, 8:33 am

thanks kosmonaut !
i always seem to forget about writing numbers in plain text...

(nice avatar :wink: )

and for corrections you need 'picky' people, people who are capable to 'fall' over words or details, others just read straight on without noticing anything at all :wink:



GoatOnFire
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02 Apr 2007, 2:15 pm

If you're really lucky your teacher is the type who will read on without noticing :wink: (probably not, my guess is the schools is Belgium are much better than the ones in America).

I guess that makes me rather picky. :? :oops:


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lemon
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02 Apr 2007, 3:15 pm

no he's not that kind of type, otherwise i wouldn't bother :lol: (or perhaps i probably would anyway...)
he's a native speaker (Irish) and we (the students) are not English speaking (the others are French speaking, my mothertongue is Dutch)
Belgian schools do have a reasonable reputation i believe (but i don't know anything about american schools/universities), English for French speaking people is always a bit difficult perhaps.



GoatOnFire
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02 Apr 2007, 4:51 pm

I'm impressed. I wouldn't have guessed that English isn't your first language, judging by your paper I can safely say that you clearly have a better mastery of English than the current president of the United States, granted that doesn't take much. :lol: You have a better mastery of English than most Americans sadly enough (the schools here are terrible at the moment, most people don't even know how to speak their first language properly here).


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lemon
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03 Apr 2007, 3:30 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:
I'm impressed. I wouldn't have guessed that English isn't your first language, judging by your paper I can safely say that you clearly have a better mastery of English than the current president of the United States, granted that doesn't take much. :lol: You have a better mastery of English than most Americans sadly enough (the schools here are terrible at the moment, most people don't even know how to speak their first language properly here).



thanks for the compliment :D
maybe i really need it today :wink:
but i guess students who study literature do master their language?

i've always been quite severe with myself when it comes to 'caring' for language, although there is no reason why, some uncontrolable habit perhaps. i'm not really interested in literature either, i mean not at the point that i like studying it, think i'll change and go for my minor next year (technology in computer science and communication, or something )