Going home on the weekends

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I go to school 40 minutes away from home. Most of the time, my dad has no problem picking me up on weekends and dropping me off. I enjoy school during the week, but on the weekends feel stressed, lonely, and lost. My friends party at night and sometimes bring people back who I'm not comfortable around (theyre not bad people, I just cant stand having new people coming into my 'space'). I feel much more relaxed and comfortable at home. When I know I'm spending the weekend at home, I'm a much happier and relaxed person during the week. When I stay at college on the weekends, I start getting overwhelmed, irritable, anxious, and emotional. The constant stress about worrying whether I'll be lonely or have new people in my room or whatever causes me a lot of stress. I know this is not normal, but constant socialization really gets to me, and I just function much better going home on most weekends.

I've explained this to my parents, and they say they have no problem, but my mom still keeps pushing me not to come home. I know she has my best interests in mind, but she doesn't get that staying there is NOT more fun or interesting to me. My friends don't get it at all - they love school and partying and never want to go home. I feel like I have to constantly justify this preference, which then makes me unhappy because I get embarrassed about it. I feel like I'm in a no-win situation.

Do you think it's unhealthy for me to make this decision, and that I should stay more? It's not like I have no friends and no social life at school - I have a group on my floor, but I just prefer to hang with them during the week. I feel like even if they did activities I was interested in, I'd still go home a lot, maybe less than I do now, but still a lot. It's not so much hating school as it is that I'm the type of person who really needs a break. I'm trying to decide whether to deal with all the stress and tough it out, or whether I should just accept my own personality and go home when I want to if my family can accomodate that (obviously, if they can't pick me up, I won't demand it). Do you think this is holding me back and I need to get over it, or is this something myself and others should just accept?

Last edited by quirky on 15 Jan 2008, 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's normal for you.



I'm an introvert, and I know exactly what you mean about "needing a break." I'm not sure what you mean by "holding you back," but I would suggest you get over it only if you want to. Don't let anyone, including your parents, dictate how you should act and what you should enjoy.

I don't know at all how autistic you are (yes I'm assuming your atleast a little bit posting on this site, but who isnt). I'm just starting to realise that my brother that Idolized all my life, might be a little autistic. He does his share of stimming, have obsessive interest and a few other stereotypic behaviors that we associate with autistic people. Its fairly weak though I would guess since he's a decent socializer and have lots friends.

Okay if you bothered to read that i will get to the point. He needs his alone time. Every once in a while he cuts out everyone, except maybe his girlfriend and just sits alone in his room doing what he likes. So im thinking there is nothing wrong with wanting a break from all the input you get at college.

I atleast work a lot better after taking a break after meeting lots of new people and socializing. Maybe you need your weekends to get some time to process. Just try not to be afraid to meet new people, cuz it can be quite exciting and you might find someone you like, but if your head feels like its about to explode, then take the weekend off.

PM im sorry but with my low attention span, it was hard to read all that txt clustered together. Maybe use some paragraphs just a friendly suggestion, ignore if you like.

Thanks for your post, Bolle47! I split it up so that it's easier to read - sorry about that! I have no formal diagnosis but believe myself to be mildly autistic (obsessive interests, lots of stimming, problems with socialization, and some other things) but it's not incredibly noticeable - I seem just introverted. Like your brother, I usually spend several hours each day in my room on my computer. I socialize too, but I need a few hours a day to myself, and lots of breaks. I feel like it's hard to move in and out of social situations at college because I often need to commit fully to some event, unlike at home where I can go downstairs and chill with my family, or make specific plans with a friend when I feel up to it, and then take time for myself without a lot of scrutiny.

the_incident, thanks for your response also. By holding myself back, I mean not giving myself a chance to do something 'fun' on the weekends (this rarely occurs when I stay though, usually I just feel lost and have more fun at home, but sometimes I enjoy myself) or develop the deep friendships that come from living with someone without a break for months at a time.

I feel like I'm preventing myself from living 'the college experience', but as I've tried to explain to people, the college experience is not for me! It's great for people who enjoy that type of thing, but for me, the best part of the college experience is learning about interesting things - that's what I went there for. I enjoy the independence during the week, as my mom can be controlling about what I wear/eat and how much I exercise or go online/watch TV. At school, I can make these decisions for myself. So I don't hate all of college. But on the weekends, I want to be home. My family is closer than most - we have our issues, but we do a lot of things together. A lot of shows I watch aren't as fun at school, where people don't have the same jokes my family does, or just aren't interested. No one at college wants to watch the news or 60 Minutes with me lol - I can't blame them, but it's an interest that I would like to be able to enjoy at home without any raised eyebrows from people who prefer I love New York or something like that. College isn't as fun for people who are introverted and don't enjoy partying. And I do make an effort to get to know new people, but it's incredibly difficult. I feel like it takes me years to feel close to someone. I've had my friends since I was about 11, and I find it really hard to enjoy the company of new people in a social setting. Meeting new people at work or in class is fine for me, but socializing for them for hours with no 'common' goal is totally not fun for me in general. I feel close to my roommate, because living together has sped up the process - but she has some emotional issues, and unlike me, she is very extroverted. So sometimes I can't deal with all the 'breakdowns' - another reason I need a break on the weekends.

I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to have to deal with people in my place for 2 days straight, especially before I had to go back to school/work monday. And most adults feel the same way. In fact, I bet your parents wouldn't want someone hanging around their house all weekend when they're trying to have some quiet time. So you see, they really have an ulterior motive for urging you to stay at school over the weekends!

I honestly don't blame you either. I think I would feel the exact same way if I were in your situation (I live at home full-time, though)

I know one guy who, essentially all freshman year, would go 120 miles each direction back home every weekend, even though he had to take two buses and a train (until at one point he picked up a decent used car)

And this guy was actually very independent, too. He had traveled a lot away from home and gone on trips without his parents, so it wasn't a dependency or homesickness issue. He even spent some time in foreign countries.

After freshman year, he moved out of the dorms and into his own apartment with another friend (his dorm roommates were drunk all the time, I think they flunked out of school) and his grades are a lot better and he only goes home once a month or so now.

When I was a Freshman in college, I went home a lot (mostly because I had a basketball game to go to, my sister's school performances to see, activities that were happening at home that I wanted to be at.) I lived 1 1/2 hours away, so my parents were happy to come pick me up. But more and more, I got involved with an organization that shows movies on the weekends so I stayed on campus mostly. I loved it because everyone went home (including my roommate). So, it was so peaceful and quiet and that's how I liked it. By my sophomore year, I hardly went home. I was happy at school.

Now, I go to school out of state and I love it because I eased my way into it, but once in a while I miss it. But, it's alright with me.

My mom didn't mind me coming home, but she wanted me to be on campus because she wanted me to experience activities that the campus would provide and she wanted me to know that at some point I can't live with her forever. I would want to have a life of my own some day and the only way to start working on that new life is to not go home very often. That's what she feels and to me it makes sense. I don't want to live with my parents forever and they don't want that either.

I have younger siblings, so they wouldn't have peace and quiet anyways lol. My parents didn't live at college either, so I don't think they quite understand. My mom moved from home in with my dad when they married.

I never had problems with homesickness before, either. I've been away on a camping trip with a friend for a week, or on school trips for a few days, or whatever, and no homesickness. But this drives me crazy!

I understand that I can't live at home forever, and I thought I'd love having my independence. But now I'm not so sure. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever separate from home completely because I fear that I'll never have a great job since I freeze up so much under pressure, or a family because I have no interest in dating. I feel like I'll be the crazy old cat lady lol - except that I'm allergic to cats! I feel like people had such expectations of me, because I was smart and pretty and whatever, and they're always going to wonder why I fell apart once I didn't have my usual routine to fall back on.

I rarely do ti but when needed then I go home which is like 30 minutes away from Mason anyway.

When I was a freshman in undergrad, my mother forbade me to come home for the first month. By the time the second month had hit, I had adjusted and no longer felt the urge to come home. It was a little interesting at first, but eventually you figure out that sometimes there are places you can be alone and do your thing that don't necessarily involve being in your room.

There's nothing wrong with it. One day, these partiers will get old, and they will prefer to stay home on the weekends, too!