What to do about my mom...

Post Reply New Topic

So I'm in gradschool for bio...

Left one lab cause it was an unproductive place and not really research i was interested in anyway cause it was freakin easy and out of date research, meaning it was BORING (but i was making good money on a teaching grant)...

so i left both the lab and teaching grant... and i'm not making enough to pay rent and bills AND feed myself now (though i do now have a roomie to help conribute as of about a month ago) so i've been in more contact with my parents because they're helping me financially while ifinish my degree which is this year... just a little bit of moeny each month. i've been supporting myself for a couple years before this (when i first got that nice teaching grant that i left).

so now that i'm in contact more often with my parents due to my needs...my mom is giving me so much stress cause she keeps bitching that i don't call her ENOUGH... and when i do talk to her, aqll she does is ask nagging questions about my research and then say how she wished i had stayed an finished with my old lab...

she's just driving me crazy because she doesn't understand anything about what i do even though i've explained multiple times... i sense that she only seems to care about that i USED to make lots of money but LEFT it... and that NOW i'm poor. and when I DO call to talk to her... this is ALL she wants to talk about... that and WHY i never call her.

A) i've always been like this... i don't even call my friends, which is probably why i don't have any. it takes all of my effort to come home after work and start doing homework or grading or preparing for some meeting... i'm just too friggin tired to call her all the time... and I do CALL her on average once every 1-2 weeks. i just don't have anything to talk about except my work... which she doesn't understand.

B)i live on the west coast and she's on the east coast and i usually work ~10 hours a day 7/7... so when i get home it's already midnight there... half the times i DO call no one answers.

C) she never calls me... and when she does, it's like in the middle of the day here and i can't anwer my phone... i've told her that i can't do that... she never calls at like say between 6-8pm west coast time like i've asked her to.

D) my personal PC keeps breaking so my internet access at home is hit or miss depending on whether imy pc actually works or not... not that she emails me much anyway... and i don' have lots of time to email chit chatty stuff during the day.

E) I DON"T WANT TO CALL HER WHEN ALL SHE ASKS IS "WHEN IM GONNA BE DONE"/ "I DON UNDERSTAND WHY YOU AREN'T DONE YET" AND HOW "MUCH MONEY YOU NEED"... that and random bitchings about things at home.

she just has all these emo problems that i'm way too stressed with my own stuff to worry about her... but i feel like crap cause i feel obligated to listen to her bitching because she's helping me with food money every month.

like i said, my life is boring and tiring... i don't have the energy to talk to anyone... especially her.

i wish she would just leave me alone... and send me money... for just a few more months... i'm so close to being done and able to find a real job... and get out of their hair (my parents).

I know what you mean, I pretty much cut all contact with my folks when I'm not near them. Any way that you could get a 'loan' from your folks all in one sum? Or set up a direct deposit?

you see, or alt least you do now, that when you take money from someone , even a loan, you have to pay their price. When you take money from your parents you have to put up with their bitching, moaning and what ever suggestions or advice they want to bestow upon you.

They could be miffed that you dumped the 'nice teaching job' with the nice paycheck that went with it and are frightened that you might also dump any other job that might come your way and stick THEM with your maintenance and upkeep. They might have a life planned for after you are out and on your own and now you are giving them heartburn that you might not be able to BE out there on your own.

But if there is something I have learned in my life, it is if you dance to the tune, you have to pay the piper.


Merle
_____________________________________-
who has learned to do for herself . . . the hard way!

From reading her post, I don't think that it's that kind of attempt to control. Yes, it would seem selfish to do as I suggest, but then again, the fault for timing does not seem to lie entirely on sedaka's shoulders. It does seem unreasonable to expect conversation only at times when the other person is likely to be busy.

If you ask her to leave you alone, or if she was "way too stressed with" her "own stuff to worry about" you, not only will you find that she won't want to send you any money, but that leaving you alone includes not sending you any money by it's very definition.

If you can't repay her in money now/ever, at least repay her by showing a little sympathy towards her problems, not to mention gratitude for the money and you should get what you give.

To be blunt, with no offence meant: it doesn't seem as if you have any idea how lucky you are to be financed by your mother at this stage in your academic career - I know too many people who didn't even get that support at school.

Consider that she owes you nothing - on the contrary - and weigh up managing the "bitching" for "just a few more months" versus not being able to finish your degree

i know all what all you all are saying is true...

i think i'm jsut having issues cause i'm use to being on my own.

i could get financial aid from the school on my own... i just got suckered into taking it from family instead. and i know it's a "reap what you sow" deal.... just frustrates me. and i'm so close to being done...

i tried to set up a onetime loan/future repayment plan (which i will be able to do) once i get a job for when i'm done... but they don't have the cash to front either... so that knixed that.


my main issue is that i dont contact my parents for various reasons... but now that i am in communication for this specific reason... it's just reinforcing all those other reasons for why i don't call... and because there's nothin else to really talk about other than this (and because she just doesn't understand my work, which is all i really do anyway, so there goes that venue of conversation)

i don't want to get into specifics... but she's just very pesimistic. but i know she means well... just makes it hard to deal with her sometimes... and i'm not in my best of moods lately in general cause i'm tired yet have to work even harder to finish on time and now because of my roommate situation... i just don't have anything to myself at all ... so i just never feel like i could handle actively calling her and having the kind of conversations that we do.

i'm just too stressed in general i guess.