I'm so confused and upset please help....

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Hi,
Okay well I'm just going to say everything that's been going on because I've never said it before and I can't handle it on my own anymore and I decided this was the one place I could come and literally let everything go... I just hope none of my friends come on here. Sorry if this is a bit long... Here goes...

I'm Cara and I'm a 14 year old girl from the UK. I have asperges ans dyspraxia. I go to a Grammar school ( selective school) and am finding it very hard to cope academically and socially. I keep on walking out of lessons but I can't explain why I just feel like I have to. Some people think I'm attention seeking and some think I can't be bothered ( including my parents). The special ed teachers are/have been trying to help but don't understand. I don't understand myself but when I need to get up I feel like if I don't I'll explode. In Drama yesterday I wasn't allowed out ( supply teacher) and I pretty much had a meltdown whilst trying not to show it in front of my class mates. I don't think I controlled it very well. It just looked like I was being naughty and now people aren't talking to me because they thought I was attention seeking or something. The school want to chuck me out ( I really can't handle leaving). Everyone at my school just finds me annoying and I don't know what to do. I'm a waste of space and I'm not joking. Everyone always says I'm annoying as well but I don't want to be and I don't want to effect them anymore. I can't do it anymore. I can't cope with constant thoughts (and sometimes acting upon them) of self harm, suicide, worthlessness, depression. I can't cope with being so fat. I can't cope with not eating for days in a desperate attempt to look 'normal', not even thin just normal. I'm stupid I passed the test to get into my school by pure fluke, I'm sure.I can't cope with all these thoughts. On top of that I can't cope with my nan dying from cancer, my dad having and operation and getting old, my brother not living at home and not really wanting to see me and my sister being in a completely different country for 5 years coming back once every summer ( this is her second year). I'm falling apart and any minute now I'm just going to jump in front of a car or I'm going to have a massive meltdown. There is no way I'm talking to anyone. No one would understand. I'd rather die than my parents find out. It would be so awkward and oh I don't know. Please help me before I completely break down... Sorry for rambling Thanks for helping

Hi Cara,

I know you don't want to talk to anyone, but you really should. You mentioned you have special ed teachers so your school should have a support structure in place, use it and ask them to provide someone you can discuss your feelings with.
The feelings of worthless and suicide are a warning sign, your brain is telling you it's serious. If your leg was broken you would go to hospital and get it fixed. Talk to a doctor, or a teacher at the school you trust, but you will be taking a massive step towards feeling better, and I know it's difficult and your legs feel like jelly even thinking about telling someone, but you really have to.
There are some really great people here on WP, stick around and you won't feel so weird anymore, you may even feel normal here, I know I do.

cara, some meds make you feel like you can't sit still. are you taking any meds?

Hi Cara,

You seem like a really bright person. Do you have any extra-special interests?

Thanks but im not! I pass tests out of luck! I love drama and acting but have been to upset to do any lately.

I think you should see a professional to talk about your problems, meds might help too. You have an interesting username by the way.

Yeah maybe you're right! And thanks! I've always loved the word Floccinaucinihilipilification and 14 is my lucky number so I thought why not!

Do you like supercalifragilisticexpiadocious?

Where I live, students with disabilities have IEPs (individual education plans) that give them accommodations to help with their schoolwork and coping at school. Do you have anything like that? You should explain to your parents and teachers what you're struggling with, and they can help create a plan that helps you. You definitely need to see a counselor about the eating problems. On another note, 14 is my favourite number too