College again but lots of anxiety, should I continue?

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Hello everyone,

So I've made the decision to go back to college but I have a road block, a few of them actually. The first one is I may have set a goal that is too high. I want to take college level math to get a science degree but I freaking suck at math. Its to the point that I understand computer programming but can't do that well cause I lack basic knowledge about algebra. The good news is with my past college courses, I can get a degree pretty easy. Pass this math class and the rest is smooth sailing, however, its more of a if I pass this math class. I am having some pretty bad anxiety about going because of this and even pots not helping that much.

However, thats only one road block. There is the social road block too and thats a big one too, even if I pass the class, I might get in trouble other ways. I got expelled from my last school for being the biggest idiot in the world and for hacking the college's network. I am not the idiot I was, I know not to do stupid stuff like that but what if other students find me distracting? Like what if some strange movement happens. I never really considered myself to stim too bad but I have been rocking back and forth lately and my right arm sometimes shakes but it hasn't been doing it lately. What if that causes a problem?

Then I have the fact that I don't like new places very much, thats going to be hard to cope with too. The whole thing has me worried but not really stressed, I can never be stressed when I am smoking weed. So yeah I get these thoughts of flunking out or getting expelled again that makes the whole thing just seem not worth it. Has anyone else dealt with anxiety from going to college the second time? Seems I am more worried this time then I was last time but I was more stressed back than so I guess its not much different.

Also worth noting I really want to take a break from therapy and not deal with life's crap, I have kinda been relaxing on some weed and actually spending time living life instead of dwelling on the parts of it that suck. So point here being, I am in therapy and even though I only go twice a month, I feel I might get overwhelmed from both school and therapy together. I am kinda at the point of f**k that depressing s**t, I am gonna pack a bowl. Still for some reason my therapist wants to meet.

So yeah thats my life right now, I am kinda relaxed and want to take life head on but I have anxiety about failing. Best thing I have been able to do is just tell myself it doesn't matter if I fail because I don't lose anything for trying and that been a good thought. Yet, I feel I can do more to chill out so how do I deal with the remaining anxiety?

What do you guys think?

Hi there!

In terms of sucking at math I feel your pain. But just realize if you really really want it badly you will do it. There are tutors at college. You could make sure you have one once a week to help you out. To make sure you understand the material. I understand about having lots of anxiety.. that has been ripping me to shreds at school. That sucks that pot isn't helping much. Do you take any anxiety meds? I use Klonopin and it's a huge life saver. Do you learn better in a regular classroom setting or online? I know college level algebra can be usually taken in both settings.

Forget about what if you are a distraction. If you stim you stim, you don't control anyone else's behavior except your own. So don't feel bad. Anyone I come in contact with or talk to in college knows I have Autism Spectrum Disorder. They accept me as me. If you feel it will cause an issue sit in the back or near a wall? Or let the person next to you know. Do you get accommodations at school? If you do make sure to talk to your professors about it. There is one kid in one of my classes who stims a lot but no one ever gets annoyed, distracted or makes fun of him. No one has made fun of me or been distracted either.

I don't like new places very much either. Can you visit the college? Visit your rooms? Find the bathrooms or a place you can sit and wait for classes. Don't think about flunking or getting expelled. Make sure to make an appointment with the disabilities office that might be very helpful I know it is for me. I have twice as much anxiety transferring after graduating with my associates degree and moving to central NY.

You are going to be very worried right now and anxious until it actually happens. Try to distract yourself and do things that will make it easier for you to handle all of this.

I'm in therapy too. Know you don't have to dwell on the past in therapy and you don't have to go if you don't want to. Your therapy session is yours. I don't see my therapist all the time. The fact I move he is 2 hours away. We do skype and phone sessions but we don't talk every week. You gotta do what is best for you. You may not know right this second but as things get together you will know.

-Catherine

I hate to tell you this, but you might have to stop smoking weed to get through the algebra class. I have a friend who used to smoke a lot, but she had to stop to pass a required physics class. Years ago I was on an antidepressant and I couldn't write my thesis while I was taking it. Now I know I can't take that kind of thing because I need to be able to analyze things. Sometimes you have to deal with stress so that you can think a little more clearly.

You can get Ativan or Xanax from a doctor for emergency stress. Those won't stay in your system as long-so not as good for stress maybe, but better if you need to study on a particular day.

Are you supposed to take any more math after algebra? If so, what kind? Can you schedule some easy classes for awhile?

Don't worry about being weird around the other students. You will probably be the least weird.

If therapy is freaking you out, can you switch therapists?

Yeah I have considered not smoking weed but the effects on me seem different than others, it has not impaired studying my review daily that I am doing now. I don't really know though cause I smoked throughout college and made good grades and didn't smoke in high school and was basically in special education. I have no idea how I am almost graduated college stoned 100% of the time but like I said I can smoke weed an be basically unaffected. Its a trade off for me, yeah weed alters you a bit but I have found in this review that I test better after smoking and I believe its because its calming affect gives me the patience to actually think about the problem. I mean giving my experience now studying and my last college experience, it seems weed does not impair my ability to learn or at least not by much. Honestly I think I can feel it out, if weed becomes a problem, I'll cut it out cause so far I don't feel impaired in anyway.

Having said that I am testing positive for an illegal drug, hell will freeze before my doctor gives me Ativan, Xanax or Klonopin. As for the easy classes, since I have taken college classes in the pass I don't need many more and this class is the hardest one. I did that as to get the hard stuff out of the way and have smooth sailing after this. Do you think I should do this the other way around and do math last? I also think that I learn more in a regular classroom environment, online is great but I need to build my social skills and I think that getting over that is the same if not more challenging than the math class itself.

Thanks for you guys feedback, I appreciate it.

As to the weed/math issue: I am not a smoker myself and never have been. But I have had a lot of friends and family who were, and I have repeatedly heard that weed and math don't work. I have also noticed that algebra is particularly challenging for most aspies. Other kinds of math don't seem to be too bad. Weed seems to help some aspies for anxiety control, but it stays in your system longer than pill form anxiety medications. So this is why I'm thinking that even if you haven't smoked for a couple of days, it still might be interfering with your ability to get through this class. Ativan, for example, would be out of your system the next day, as long as you weren't addicted to it.

Why would you be drug tested at the doctor? Unless you have a prescription for something like Oxycontin, I don't see why they would do this. I've never heard of anyone not getting a prescription for Xanax or Ativan after asking any doctor for it. I think people who get addicted to these drugs use a LOT of them, but you would be asking for something like 30 or 60 of them, and then you'd take one as needed. I imagine you'd want to go back to smoking after the class so you might not even want a refill. I wouldn't worry about being drug tested. If they asked, you could always decline.

Okay so with the rest...I recommend finishing math while it's fresh in your mind. You will probably have a mental "flush" of this stuff as soon as you stop using it. If you don't have any more math classes, you might just want to get this one over with. But in general, I recommend only taking ONE hard or hard-ish class at a time and padding it out with very easy classes. If you need a break but don't want to take a leave of absence, I recommend going part time with only easy classes.

Aspies HAVE to let themselves rely on their own coping techniques and let themselves rest, in order to be successful. The routines you develop now in college will be what you use later in your career, and to some degree how you will take care of yourself in your personal life as well.

My response: Don't f**k this up!

Seriously...this is your chance, man.

Forget all the other BS.

Concentrate on the math class. If you pass with a C, then you'd done okay. Some professors will pass you with a C even if you screw up on the test--as long as you attend the class. He/she might give you extra-credit assignments or something.

I know....sometimes when you see what I write, you want to kick my butt a little. Yeah.... I understand! I have the effin nerve to give you, who has lived life, advice! Yeah...I haven't experienced half of you you've experienced....true!

But guess what: I feel bad that you're stuck in your situation. And I feel half of you wants to get out of it. And this is one way of getting out of it. And you have many credits already.

So why not, buddy?

I forgot to ask: I probably should have remembered this: but do you have a documented diagnosis from a psychologist/psychiatrist? If so, you could get accommodations. Joining the actual "learning disabilities" program would probably cost more tuition. But you could ask for them without being in the "program."

You don't annoy me kraftiekortie, I have called you wise in a few threads around here. The drugs man aren't a problem as long as I don't get busted, I am fine on pot really. I have been an addict before and I'd rather be pot head. Safer, healthier and so on. It helps my anxiety and the side effects are better than the crap they give me. The only conflict I have about drug use is its illegal status which effects the way people like you see it. Have you smoked weed? No so your going by what other people say. It is little more than a drug that is not FDA approved that I am using to treat various symptoms. I'll admit the research sucks and honestly I feel if it wasn't illegal it could be made into a better drug. Its a bit rough around the edges but how many drugs do you smoke in its plant form.

If it wasn't illegal than it would have ended up as prescription drug probably with some stuff removed. I mean every effect weed has they can control and take away in a lab so yeah. Its not going to murder me or bring me down provided your flawed laws don't get me. Also school is a way out of my situation, I need out of the hood so these crazy people don't offer me crack and heroin everyday. I need to have a job or something to do and I need to feel challenged. All of that can take place without giving up weed.

Just make sure you don't get caught. That would screw up your financial aid.

I wish you lived in a state where it's legal.

I do understand pot as something which is medicinal and helps certain conditions.

Another thing: you WILL be tempted to just ditch it. I guarantee you that this will happen. But you have to stay strong, and know that you must get out of the "hood."

If you're not doing well in the math, just get a tutor.

Well to ease your concern, I don't keep anything in my apartment. Its hidden in a public place and I go there every morning and get just what I use in a day. I have other tactics but this is a public forum and I am telling you how I am breaking the law lol. Suffice to say I haven't said much and you have to remember I am always thinking of how to get THC in my bloodstream, not about smoking. I am not going to give accurate information as to how THC got in my body.



As do I, its a real shame. I have considered leaving my family here to go to a legal state but I can't. My Aunt in Alaska is about dead so Alaska is a no-no. Its depressing but I just have to have faith that nothing bad will happen.




Yeah its pretty cool, I feel fine right now but a neighbor asked me why I was moving so slow today. I didn't feel like I was moving slow but I think he was picking at me because he tried to sell me crack earlier and if he some how knew, I think he found it funny I was on something else.

Hate to say it: sounds like you live in a real s**thole area.

I hope you get out of there soon!

Keep up with the college. And you'll be able to. Especially if you stay clear of the police. Even a violation record can screw you up.