Help me.. need review my college essay. Please!

Post Reply New Topic

Without the writing prompt (What is this paper supposed to be about? Who is Jackie Robinson? Why is he important?), there is little I can say - but I do think this essay is a bit disorganized, and your mention of Robinson is not quite as firmly connected to the dilemma you've raised every other paragraph. Your introduction is also split up into two segments, which I think is unnecessary; you haven't offered new information in the second portion, simply more of the first.

If you'd like, you are welcome to PM me with an electronic copy and the details of your assignment - I can whip out my old tutor's cap and jot down some more in-depth comments that way.

Not to scare you or anything, but when we have to write essays in school, my teachers sometimes make us turn it into a website that checks for plagairism. (turnitin.com) Posting your essay in a place like this could make the result 100% plaigiarised, even though it's your own work. Turnitin.com doesn't know that it's your own work. Even submitting it into turnitin.com and then resubmitting can make it 100% plaigiarised; it's that dumb.

Sorry if I sound like I'm overreacting. My school warns us about turnitin.com every year.

I can't concentrate on something when not given the context of what I am reading or why I am reading it. Like, a story can be about something that is very close to my heart, but if the person doesn't state more contextual details like what they want from having said it, I start to lose focus.

but when writing an essay, i find it helpful to have a look at it myself and mark it as if i was a professor or teacher or something. it would reflect their views as well as my own. i am saying this to help with communicating in context and gaining more valuable input from others, as they would be on the same page.