Issues with writing- please help

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I had an exam on Monday and it went badly. I'm in my second year of my undergraduate degree and until now I'd been almost straight As. I got into the exam, knew the answers to the questions, but just couldn't write.

When I came home I looked it up and discovered some research has been done showing it is difficult for people on the spectrum to write often because it requires lots of different parts of the brain to work together at once and autistic brains sometimes can't do this.

Until now I hadn't realised it was a problem. Yes I've always struggled with essays and essay exams but I thought it was anxiety related to perfectionism or because sometimes the questions are imprecise. I always got by because I am smart and I would just practice so much before hand I had pretty much memorised my exam essays before I got in there.

But this exam was a new style. And I got in there. And I just, I couldn't work it out. I knew the stuff so well but I couldn't figure out how to start or how to word it or any of the structure or anything.

It was horrific, I nearly had a meltdown and walked out the exam but I just kept thinking, if I'm going to fail it can't be because I didn't try. I fought through the 3 hours and 45 minutes and I ended up writing basically lists of what I knew. I wanted to cry the whole time. This was my best module and I could just see it was all going wrong.

I spoke to the transitions officer- who supports autistic students- and she's helping me get special consideration for the exam. But I also got back an essay this week and it was below my average not because of the content but because of the writing. I had three big deadlines all close together so I didn't get to do as many drafts as I usually did, and I remember reading through the essay thinking something wasn't right but not being able to tell what. And now I'm seeing a pattern develop.

Now this isn't too bad. I can put in place strategies and be considered for alternative exam arrangements.

But. I have another exam on Tuesday.
And I just. I am so so anxious. Because I know the stuff really well but it doesn't matter. Unless I had like 2 months to prepare there is a high chance I will have to sit through another 3 hours and 45 minutes of trying not to cry and fighting my brain trying to shut down because I am one of the best students on my course and to be honest I am seriously worried I could fail these exams. I'm trying to work out how to ask for special consideration on the Tuesday exam and I'll probably be able to get it, logically there are ways around this.

But emotionally I have been feeling sick and dizzy with the anxiety. I can't focus to revise without almost fainting. I keep thinking- I can't walk out the exam. My social anxiety has been crazy since Monday I had a lecture on Friday and hid in the toilets for 20 minutes and had to go straight home after it finished even though I had a meeting in the afternoon. I am scared that if it happens again I really will have a meltdown. And if I do and walk out the exam without having written anything they might make me resit. And I managed to get this amazing internship this summer at a really great place through this charity that helps you adapt to the workplace and the resit period is during my internship. So I'm trying to push myself to revise and get over it so that I can last the exam.

But my anxiety is terrible.
I guess before when I had issues I was able to work around them. I knew the exam style in advance at school because we did practice papers. In my first year I only had one exam and similarly we basically knew what would be on it. But my last exam shook me so badly that even though I am more prepared for the style of this Tuesday exam I'm already at the stage where it's hard to concentrate before I go in there. I'm trying all the techniques but the thing is, I can't calm myself because I know that there is nothing I can really do. This writing thing, I can know it all inside out but unless I've basically written practice essays and memorised them I can't think always in the exam.

In the article I read it said about how a lot of people talk their thoughts because the brain can then hear the logic and structure them but when it comes to thinking them it can't always do that. I do this a lot. And I have been trying so hard to prepare for this exam. But I am just feeling sick and dizzy so much that I'm having to take breaks to watch my favourite tv shows just for a break from it or to stop myself passing out.

My academics mean a lot to me. And I was on track to get a really good mark this year and now, it's like it's all disappearing. I had to drop out my first undergraduate degree because I wasn't diagnosed and basically had a break down. Now I know. And I'm glad I know about this writing thing, I'm already planning how to compensate next year, I'm in touch with the university I'm doing everything I should and can.

It's just this one exam. Getting through it. And my anxiety is so bad I'm not sure if I can. And even if I can, it's affected my revision to the extent I already know even without the writing problem I wouldn't be performing at my best.

Has anyone else been through this? If so do you have any tips on how I can get through this exam?

I have experienced this as well. I will know the answer, but I do not know how to articulate it correctly, so I just sit and do nothing until I work out the structure of the writing. This often leads to me running out of time on tests that are timed, and I get very upset with myself and anxious.

What I have done is work with the accessibility department of my university to get testing accommodations. I generally get time-and-a-half for my tests so I have time to answer. If hand writing is an issue, you can sometimes arrange to use a computer to write your answer. Perhaps there may be some other way to assess your knowledge, such as an oral exam. I would definitely recommend speaking with someone about accessibility. It sounds like you are working on doing just that, thought, which is great!

As for the anxiety, I struggle with that a great deal myself so I am not sure how much advice I can give. The good thing is that you know you know the answers -- it's just writing them down that is difficult. Just keep this in mind the next time you are getting anxious or upset during a test. It really helps to try and catch these invasive negative thoughts and stop them in their tracks before they work you up. Often I will get really anxious during a test and then all I can think of is "oh no, I am running out of time what do I do?" but if I can catch myself doing this, I can try to calm myself down by telling myself to focus.

I hope this helps a little bit. Good luck with your tests!

Here are some tips which may help with writing essays in exams.
Before you start the essay take some time to pre think and jot down some notes; think about what the case you want to make is and what the key parts of material supporting, think of a rough outline assigning the key parts to paragraphs, think and possibly for each paragraph what info is related to this, what can be reasoned for it to support, and what point the paragraph makes. Then once the process of writing the essay begins you'll have an outline to fill in and then figure the particular words, openings, conclusions, and transitions.
When I have done exam essays I have spent as much as the time thinking through and taking notes for an outline. For me at least, it seems to help with writing essays well, keeping information mentally organized, and mitigating anxiety to a degree.

I'm very sorry you had to experience this. Tests can be very frustrating and awful at times.

I sort of know what you are going through. Even though I have aspergers, I have usually done very well on essays, but things like math or science tests were just awful, and made me feel bad when I finished them.

I would try and talk to the teacher if you can. See what went wrong on the test, and maybe how you can do better in the future.

Just keep trying!

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I've read somewhere that people who have difficulties with writing are also sometimes people who are good at writing. This sounds contradictory, but it could be that you have high standards and strive towards them, not content with simpler ways of expressing your knowledge. You could be rejecting simpler declarative sentences for example. There is a novel by Camus (The Plague?) where a character, a writer can't get past their first sentence for trying to make it perfect.

Your post was both articulate and literate.

Apologies if this sounds glib or anything.

I don't think it's a huge problem. My son had the same thing at college, thought he didn't give up. He was training and reading a lot after he took some time before an exam and used the mind mapping techniques. So in such a way he remembered all info and had it in his head when it was necessary. As well, we used the help of Supreme essay service. They proofread his assignments for several times.