How I didn't go to college

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OK, 'm going to put up the first intallment of what the title says ~ My 20th Century run-ins with the College-Industrial Complex, which ended with the C-IC spitting in my face.
No, actually, I just have time for this intro now ~ But, you will see, this kind of?? relates to *m's desire that I only apply to college with no help from anyone whatsoever .

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...I leave my goiing, 1878-80, to community college ~ not-fruitfully ~ for a prequel later.
Then, I would come home from college often to my mother drunkenly screaming at me . Great college life, huh? " Paying my dues "?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...So, maybe I should have grin and beared that, I only deserved to go to (community) college if I was stuck at home every night, with my mother often drunkenly screaming at me ? Maybe *m will say so .
Anyway, over ensuing years, I got a bit under the influence of this author, Dave Marsh, who (to simplify-joke, anyway) argued that people who went to college weren't working-class, and were elitist snobs, so to speak .
Then, in 1985 or '6, I maybe forget a little, I was rendered homeless, and decided to try and get into college, a place to stay at if nothing else , working-class hero status be damned.
I lived in New York then, I applied to State University of New York, it was rather early in a new semester...

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...There were 6 liberal arts-oriented campuses in the SUNY system, including one in Westchester County. I applied to five of them...I left out Buffalo...........

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...I sent, again, applications to 5 of the 6 liberal arts-oriented SUNY campuses, a $15 application fee for each one, I left Buffalo out because??: (1) The luck of leaving one out. (2) Saving 15 bucks. (3) Buffalo winters seemed too cold.
I just filled them out and sent them in. I didn't contact anyone.
IIRC as for all below, I received the cashed checks or check for all 5 back.
3 of the 5 never even sent me rejection notices. TWO?? THAT many get lost in the mail?
The one that was in Westchester County where I lived, maybe + 1 more, took a second look at me (However, if there was another 2nd-looker, I certainly don't think I could have got there for a look...So maybe there wasn't??), I still didn't get in, it wouldn't have been that semestrer anyway...but TWO thought I WASN"t EVEN WORTH A REJECTION NOTICE ? WHY
I guess I wasn't good enough ?
I still cry ~ SUNY is apparently free now for residents below a certain income level.
I was young before .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

....Just a fill-in here...I see articles and PSAs about " help disadvantaged so-and-sos get to college ", and " The
Help ______ College Fund ", and I emphasize with them...but what about ME? Is there no help for me, even with all my obstacles? I guess not.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Now I'll jump ahead to 1990 or so, I was living in Green Bay, WI at that tin time, where there is a University of Wisconsin campus. The UW team/s is called the Badgers and UW merchandise shows a badger in a UW shirt.
I decided to try going back to college ~~~ I went one evening to see the appropriate Adult/Returning person, combining it with planning to then be met by some people and going to this concert on campus (John Cage).
I lived then in an apartment without a phone, I used the pay phone in a hospital lobby across the street (Later on I got thrown out of there and told not to come back any more .) to call a semi-friend who I was relying on/asking for help.
I went to UWGB - I waited near the Adult office. There was a long hallway going away from it, I thought the stage for the concert was waaay down the hall ~ I was around the Adult office, I guess I saw the Adult person ~ I hung around a long time, my friends never did show up to meet me. I may have gone back and forth into the Adult person's office, at least once, I don't really remember what transpired, I now I didn't do anything untoward ~ However, a cmapus security was called to get me off of the campus, even though I didn't do anything ~ I now see/imagine that it was the Adult person, the very person I w as supposed to go through who likely called the security. (I may have had the impression that he was the secretary or something? I really don't feel I did anything wrong .) The security watched go onto the bus. I may remember this wrong, but the Adult then called the security back, maybe I though " Oh, they're reversing themselves on throwing ,me out " but, no ...Maybe he was just saying " Make sure his doesn't get off ", maybe it was to the bus driver .
As for the concert, it turned out that the stage for it was right nearby, I didn't notice the door to it. Later on, I called the sort-of friend on the phone, left a message - But later on, he said to me, " You didn't call me back, that proves you weren't interested " . THAT ISN'T TRUE! I DID call him .
But, anyway, there went that the very person I was supposed to go through, the Adult, called the fuzz to throw me out. My " weird "Aspie-ness perhaps turned them off, I'm sure that's happened to many here . Mybe I was too enthusiastic ...So I got SMACKED down!
If I had gone...Well, who knows? I never will .
Maybe I'd have an " lma mater " to look back on/feel feelings of belonging to. Perhaps I'd be mildly interested in the UW team/s, have some Badger merch...I don't think I'dve been the sort of person who's a total friggin' bore about their AM...I doubt I would've played anything after all I was 30 and fat already...However, since I've thought about this, I see UW Badger shirts sometimes...and maybe I get depressed.
I could've had an " Alma Mater ".
No, I think trying to go to UW now would be pointless, it's not my home area now, it isn't my time anymore...The couple of GB friends I'm in contact with on Facebook (One still in GB, one living in the suburbs of Madison.) don't know of my circumstances now .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!