Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ]
05 May 2018, 4:46 pm
This is going to be quite a long post so sorry about that! 
I have about 7 more days of high school left, ever, and don't really know how to deal with this. Part of the problem is a general discomfort with being presented with change and obviously leaving school is about the biggest change possible. I really really like my school and feel like I have a role in it and am liked for myself and I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere before the last couple of years I've spent at school. I'm worried that I'll never be liked as much and have as clear a role and be as comfortable in another place again.
I also have developed a massive over reliance on a specific teacher (almost to a "special interest" degree) in that my life is structured around when I next have lessons with her and I get most of my positive emotions from positive interactions with her. I feel like she has begun to occupy the role of a parent in my life. She knows me extremely well as she is very perceptive and has also taught me for a long time and we talk often. I am absolutely terrified of how I will cope without regularly seeing her as this will mean both the absence of routine and the absence of the main person in my life who makes me feel good about myself. I feel similarly about other teachers at my school though not to the same extent.
I am also transgender and I am out at school but not to anybody outside school, so when I leave school I will no longer really have an environment in which I'm out and I think that's contributing to my feeling that the end of school is basically going to be the end of my life. My parents wouldn't accept me which is, I think, partially why I've become so reliant on my teachers, who do accept me.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how on earth to deal with this? I realise there are a lot of different issues in this post, but I would be interested in general advice on
#1 major life changes like leaving school
#2 getting over intense interpersonal connections
Thank you everybody 
07 May 2018, 9:19 am
finn14 wrote:
This is going to be quite a long post so sorry about that!
Haha, that’s fine. I can hardly judge, considering the size of some of my posts here.
finn14 wrote:
I am also transgender and I am out at school but not to anybody outside school, so when I leave school I will no longer really have an environment in which I'm out and I think that's contributing to my feeling that the end of school is basically going to be the end of my life.
This in itself makes for a situation which is difficult to navigate. In England, we have a system where there is Secondary school (ages 11 to 15/16) College/Sixth form (16-18, but mature/older students sometimes study there as well) then University at 18+.
When I left Secondary school, I was concerned with who would accept me. Unfortunately, during my time at Secondary school I came across people who weren’t accepting of my homosexuality, and I got bullied in and outside of school, so my experiences made me feel more nervous about it in fear of backlash.
I remember a time in College where I was preparing to tell a friend of mine, and I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I spilt Mocha everywhere. Coming out can seem rather daunting at times, since it can be hard to accurately predict how someone will react to the news.
There are times where the person you tell might react better then you initially expected, but it’s also possible for someone to take the information more negatively then you’d thought they would. I’ve experienced both of those scenarios.
However, I think it’s important to remember that anyone who cuts contact with you just because you are trans and/or bisexual wasn’t really your friend in the first place. Even though it may seem difficult at first, you are better off without them.
I lost a few supposed friends when I came out, and at the time I felt sad, but now I look back and I’m glad that they aren’t in my life anymore.
finn14 wrote:
My parents wouldn't accept me which is, I think, partially why I've become so reliant on my teachers, who do accept me.
Currently I’m a member of an LGBT forum, and one of the other members there is a transsexual man. His parents weren’t accepting, and subsequently disowned him and cut him off financially when he came out.
Now he has a job, an independent student loan, and seems to be enjoying University life. Although he also has diagnosed Asperger’s/ Level 1 Autism and bipolar disorder, so it’s not always easy for him.
If you think that your parents won’t accept you, then you should wait until you are at least somewhat financially independent before you tell them. Make sure that you have somewhere safe to go in case the worst truly does happen.
Now, I don’t know what State you live in (I'm assuming that you live in America because of your use of the term High school) so I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but chances are you will probably find at least one other person that is supportive. If not, then at least there are resources and support groups online which might be worth considering.
Plus, I tend to pop up here now and then, so if you fancy a chat then feel free to send me a PM.
finn14 wrote:
I have about 7 more days of high school left, ever, and don't really know how to deal with this. Part of the problem is a general discomfort with being presented with change and obviously leaving school is about the biggest change possible.
I like to think of life as a book, with every age being a new chapter in our lives. That may seem cheesy, I know. Sometimes we wish that we could know spoilers to our story, as not knowing what the future has in store can be daunting. That’s why change and uncertainty can be difficult to adapt to.
Personally, I feel somewhat nervous at the prospect of moving into student accommodation at University this September, due to homesickness and concerns about being independent for the first time. Nevertheless, I am hoping that my time in accommodation will offer me new experiences and perspectives. Yes, I realise that I probably come across as an exceptionally cheesy person right now.
Do you have a plan for after high school? Are you going to College/University?
finn14 wrote:
I really like my school and feel like I have a role in it and am liked for myself and I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere before the last couple of years I've spent at school. I'm worried that I'll never be liked as much and have as clear a role and be as comfortable in another place again.
I never liked school, so I can’t really relate. But it’s good that you had a pleasant experience. You could always keep in contact with any friends that you made there (although I wouldn’t suggest trying to speak to any of your teachers after school though). Hopefully you’ll make some accepting friends after High school as well.
finn14 wrote:
I also have developed a massive over reliance on a specific teacher (almost to a "special interest" degree) in that my life is structured around when I next have lessons with her and I get most of my positive emotions from positive interactions with her. I feel like she has begun to occupy the role of a parent in my life.
She knows me extremely well as she is very perceptive and has also taught me for a long time and we talk often. I am absolutely terrified of how I will cope without regularly seeing her as this will mean both the absence of routine and the absence of the main person in my life who makes me feel good about myself. I feel similarly about other teachers at my school though not to the same extent.
She knows me extremely well as she is very perceptive and has also taught me for a long time and we talk often. I am absolutely terrified of how I will cope without regularly seeing her as this will mean both the absence of routine and the absence of the main person in my life who makes me feel good about myself. I feel similarly about other teachers at my school though not to the same extent.
I get the impression that your parents are quite distant. Your teachers have essentially taken up the parental role in your life, so to you it feels as if you are losing a parent rather than just a High school teacher.
Perhaps you are dependent on others to make you feel good about yourself too much. This doesn’t come across as a healthy situation. Ideally, you should try to work on building up some self-confidence/worth that isn't completely dependent on others.
07 May 2018, 9:47 am
To be entirely honest, not many can claim to understand exactly the anxiety and stress you must be feeling about graduating. I guess however, that to a certain extent, many people here too have been shunned and ostracized at some point in our lives because of our disabilities and differences. I want to put this forward to you that this is the reality of the world that exists beyond your initial comfort zone- It is unfair. This isn't just directed at you as a transgender graduating from school, but to anyone who has ever had a form of disability or difference that strays from the norms of society.
While some people may accept you and even welcome you into their lives, many others WILL treat you differently and you'll even encounter some that will be hostile once you step out of that comfort zone. However, the truth also remains that you should never let it get you down. You should never let anyone who has calls you useless, weird, or a burden win in that final statement and let it become a reality.
To me, the difference between the ones who break out of that stereotype and lead normal lives are the ones who accept their differences and embrace it with open arms. They don't care what others think. Once you stop trying so hard to get into other people's heads, what they think of you, how they view you, whether they like you or not; that's when you start becoming happier and you'll find it less difficult to make friends and become accepted in this new phase of life.
I know several transgenders who have gone on to get married and have successful careers of their own, despite of the disadvantages they had. I'm sure you will too All the best!
07 May 2018, 10:00 am
07 May 2018, 10:24 am
07 May 2018, 3:32 pm
Lost_dragon wrote:
finn14 wrote:
This is going to be quite a long post so sorry about that!
Haha, that’s fine. I can hardly judge, considering the size of some of my posts here.
finn14 wrote:
I am also transgender and I am out at school but not to anybody outside school, so when I leave school I will no longer really have an environment in which I'm out and I think that's contributing to my feeling that the end of school is basically going to be the end of my life.
This in itself makes for a situation which is difficult to navigate. In England, we have a system where there is Secondary school (ages 11 to 15/16) College/Sixth form (16-18, but mature/older students sometimes study there as well) then University at 18+.
When I left Secondary school, I was concerned with who would accept me. Unfortunately, during my time at Secondary school I came across people who weren’t accepting of my homosexuality, and I got bullied in and outside of school, so my experiences made me feel more nervous about it in fear of backlash.
I remember a time in College where I was preparing to tell a friend of mine, and I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I spilt Mocha everywhere. Coming out can seem rather daunting at times, since it can be hard to accurately predict how someone will react to the news.
There are times where the person you tell might react better then you initially expected, but it’s also possible for someone to take the information more negatively then you’d thought they would. I’ve experienced both of those scenarios.
However, I think it’s important to remember that anyone who cuts contact with you just because you are trans and/or bisexual wasn’t really your friend in the first place. Even though it may seem difficult at first, you are better off without them.
I lost a few supposed friends when I came out, and at the time I felt sad, but now I look back and I’m glad that they aren’t in my life anymore.
finn14 wrote:
My parents wouldn't accept me which is, I think, partially why I've become so reliant on my teachers, who do accept me.
Currently I’m a member of an LGBT forum, and one of the other members there is a transsexual man. His parents weren’t accepting, and subsequently disowned him and cut him off financially when he came out.
Now he has a job, an independent student loan, and seems to be enjoying University life. Although he also has diagnosed Asperger’s/ Level 1 Autism and bipolar disorder, so it’s not always easy for him.
If you think that your parents won’t accept you, then you should wait until you are at least somewhat financially independent before you tell them. Make sure that you have somewhere safe to go in case the worst truly does happen.
Now, I don’t know what State you live in (I'm assuming that you live in America because of your use of the term High school) so I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but chances are you will probably find at least one other person that is supportive. If not, then at least there are resources and support groups online which might be worth considering.
Plus, I tend to pop up here now and then, so if you fancy a chat then feel free to send me a PM.
finn14 wrote:
I have about 7 more days of high school left, ever, and don't really know how to deal with this. Part of the problem is a general discomfort with being presented with change and obviously leaving school is about the biggest change possible.
I like to think of life as a book, with every age being a new chapter in our lives. That may seem cheesy, I know. Sometimes we wish that we could know spoilers to our story, as not knowing what the future has in store can be daunting. That’s why change and uncertainty can be difficult to adapt to.
Personally, I feel somewhat nervous at the prospect of moving into student accommodation at University this September, due to homesickness and concerns about being independent for the first time. Nevertheless, I am hoping that my time in accommodation will offer me new experiences and perspectives. Yes, I realise that I probably come across as an exceptionally cheesy person right now.
Do you have a plan for after high school? Are you going to College/University?
finn14 wrote:
I really like my school and feel like I have a role in it and am liked for myself and I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere before the last couple of years I've spent at school. I'm worried that I'll never be liked as much and have as clear a role and be as comfortable in another place again.
I never liked school, so I can’t really relate. But it’s good that you had a pleasant experience. You could always keep in contact with any friends that you made there (although I wouldn’t suggest trying to speak to any of your teachers after school though). Hopefully you’ll make some accepting friends after High school as well.
finn14 wrote:
I also have developed a massive over reliance on a specific teacher (almost to a "special interest" degree) in that my life is structured around when I next have lessons with her and I get most of my positive emotions from positive interactions with her. I feel like she has begun to occupy the role of a parent in my life.
She knows me extremely well as she is very perceptive and has also taught me for a long time and we talk often. I am absolutely terrified of how I will cope without regularly seeing her as this will mean both the absence of routine and the absence of the main person in my life who makes me feel good about myself. I feel similarly about other teachers at my school though not to the same extent.
She knows me extremely well as she is very perceptive and has also taught me for a long time and we talk often. I am absolutely terrified of how I will cope without regularly seeing her as this will mean both the absence of routine and the absence of the main person in my life who makes me feel good about myself. I feel similarly about other teachers at my school though not to the same extent.
I get the impression that your parents are quite distant. Your teachers have essentially taken up the parental role in your life, so to you it feels as if you are losing a parent rather than just a High school teacher.
Perhaps you are dependent on others to make you feel good about yourself too much. This doesn’t come across as a healthy situation. Ideally, you should try to work on building up some self-confidence/worth that isn't completely dependent on others.
Hello - sorry for not writing a long reply, I am very tired, but I just wanted to say thank you very much for your comment! It is very helpful and insightful and thank you for spending the time writing it. And yes, I am going to university next year, and I live in the UK by the way.
07 May 2018, 3:35 pm
remonay wrote:
To be entirely honest, not many can claim to understand exactly the anxiety and stress you must be feeling about graduating. I guess however, that to a certain extent, many people here too have been shunned and ostracized at some point in our lives because of our disabilities and differences. I want to put this forward to you that this is the reality of the world that exists beyond your initial comfort zone- It is unfair. This isn't just directed at you as a transgender graduating from school, but to anyone who has ever had a form of disability or difference that strays from the norms of society.
While some people may accept you and even welcome you into their lives, many others WILL treat you differently and you'll even encounter some that will be hostile once you step out of that comfort zone. However, the truth also remains that you should never let it get you down. You should never let anyone who has calls you useless, weird, or a burden win in that final statement and let it become a reality.
To me, the difference between the ones who break out of that stereotype and lead normal lives are the ones who accept their differences and embrace it with open arms. They don't care what others think. Once you stop trying so hard to get into other people's heads, what they think of you, how they view you, whether they like you or not; that's when you start becoming happier and you'll find it less difficult to make friends and become accepted in this new phase of life.
I know several transgenders who have gone on to get married and have successful careers of their own, despite of the disadvantages they had. I'm sure you will too All the best!
While some people may accept you and even welcome you into their lives, many others WILL treat you differently and you'll even encounter some that will be hostile once you step out of that comfort zone. However, the truth also remains that you should never let it get you down. You should never let anyone who has calls you useless, weird, or a burden win in that final statement and let it become a reality.
To me, the difference between the ones who break out of that stereotype and lead normal lives are the ones who accept their differences and embrace it with open arms. They don't care what others think. Once you stop trying so hard to get into other people's heads, what they think of you, how they view you, whether they like you or not; that's when you start becoming happier and you'll find it less difficult to make friends and become accepted in this new phase of life.
I know several transgenders who have gone on to get married and have successful careers of their own, despite of the disadvantages they had. I'm sure you will too
All the best!You make very interesting points here, thank you. I think you are definitely right that I won't be happy until I stop trying to live for other people. Thank you for your help
07 May 2018, 3:37 pm
07 May 2018, 3:40 pm
Dataunit wrote:
I don't really know what to say other than that life goes on. You'll probably meet people you like just as much of your teacher. I had 'special interest' type feelings (though, I'd describe them more like a squish - i.e. a Platonic crush) for a teacher too, and thought I'd never meet anyone I'd start liking as much, but I did. Your teacher will remain a fond memory, but ultimately you will move on to new things.
Be grateful that you even got to meet her in the first place: even though your time with her is nearly over, reflect on how much better off you are now than if you hadn't had the chance to get to know her at all.
As for the transgender stuff: I wish you the very best of success, whatever you choose to do.
Be grateful that you even got to meet her in the first place: even though your time with her is nearly over, reflect on how much better off you are now than if you hadn't had the chance to get to know her at all.
As for the transgender stuff: I wish you the very best of success, whatever you choose to do.
Yes, a squish is definitely what mine is as well! And I also have the feeling I will never like anyone as much. So this is very helpful. I don't really see why her and I can't remain friends but I realise that just makes me sound desperate. And thanks for the good luck wishes
07 May 2018, 4:02 pm
finn14 wrote:
Hello - sorry for not writing a long reply, I am very tired, but I just wanted to say thank you very much for your comment! It is very helpful and insightful and thank you for spending the time writing it. And yes, I am going to university next year, and I live in the UK by the way.
No problem.
Ah, my mistake. I just assumed that you probably live in the US, due to your use of the term High school. What are you planning to study at University? Recently I finished a foundation course, and I am going into Digital Media Production in September.
08 May 2018, 4:21 pm
Lost_dragon wrote:
finn14 wrote:
Hello - sorry for not writing a long reply, I am very tired, but I just wanted to say thank you very much for your comment! It is very helpful and insightful and thank you for spending the time writing it. And yes, I am going to university next year, and I live in the UK by the way.
No problem.
Ah, my mistake. I just assumed that you probably live in the US, due to your use of the term High school. What are you planning to study at University? Recently I finished a foundation course, and I am going into Digital Media Production in September.
That sounds interesting! Do you live in the US? I am planning to study Psychology, and my insurance choice is for a Liberal Arts course
08 May 2018, 4:32 pm
finn14 wrote:
Lost_dragon wrote:
finn14 wrote:
Hello - sorry for not writing a long reply, I am very tired, but I just wanted to say thank you very much for your comment! It is very helpful and insightful and thank you for spending the time writing it. And yes, I am going to university next year, and I live in the UK by the way.
No problem.
Ah, my mistake. I just assumed that you probably live in the US, due to your use of the term High school. What are you planning to study at University? Recently I finished a foundation course, and I am going into Digital Media Production in September.
That sounds interesting! Do you live in the US? I am planning to study Psychology, and my insurance choice is for a Liberal Arts course
No, I live in England.
(Hence my location underneath my profile picture).
14 May 2018, 3:58 am
Lost_dragon wrote:
finn14 wrote:
This is going to be quite a long post so sorry about that!
Haha, that’s fine. I can hardly judge, considering the size of some of my posts here.
finn14 wrote:
I am also transgender and I am out at school but not to anybody outside school, so when I leave school I will no longer really have an environment in which I'm out and I think that's contributing to my feeling that the end of school is basically going to be the end of my life.
This in itself makes for a situation which is difficult to navigate. In England, we have a system where there is Secondary school (ages 11 to 15/16) College/Sixth form (16-18, but mature/older students sometimes study there as well) then University at 18+.
When I left Secondary school, I was concerned with who would accept me. Unfortunately, during my time at Secondary school I came across people who weren’t accepting of my homosexuality, and I got bullied in and outside of school, so my experiences made me feel more nervous about it in fear of backlash.
I remember a time in College where I was preparing to tell a friend of mine, and I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I spilt Mocha everywhere. Coming out can seem rather daunting at times, since it can be hard to accurately predict how someone will react to the news.
There are times where the person you tell might react better then you initially expected, but it’s also possible for someone to take the information more negatively then you’d thought they would. I’ve experienced both of those scenarios.
However, I think it’s important to remember that anyone who cuts contact with you just because you are trans and/or bisexual wasn’t really your friend in the first place. Even though it may seem difficult at first, you are better off without them.
I lost a few supposed friends when I came out, and at the time I felt sad, but now I look back and I’m glad that they aren’t in my life anymore.
finn14 wrote:
My parents wouldn't accept me which is, I think, partially why I've become so reliant on my teachers, who do accept me.
Currently I’m a member of an LGBT forum, and one of the other members there is a transsexual man. His parents weren’t accepting, and subsequently disowned him and cut him off financially when he came out.
Now he has a job, an independent student loan, and seems to be enjoying University life. Although he also has diagnosed Asperger’s/ Level 1 Autism and bipolar disorder, so it’s not always easy for him.
If you think that your parents won’t accept you, then you should wait until you are at least somewhat financially independent before you tell them. Make sure that you have somewhere safe to go in case the worst truly does happen.
Now, I don’t know what State you live in (I'm assuming that you live in America because of your use of the term High school) so I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but chances are you will probably find at least one other person that is supportive. If not, then at least there are resources and support groups online which might be worth considering.
Plus, I tend to pop up here now and then, so if you fancy a chat then feel free to send me a PM.
finn14 wrote:
I have about 7 more days of high school left, ever, and don't really know how to deal with this. Part of the problem is a general discomfort with being presented with change and obviously leaving school is about the biggest change possible.
I like to think of life as a book, with every age being a new chapter in our lives. That may seem cheesy, I know. Sometimes we wish that we could know spoilers to our story, as not knowing what the future has in store can be daunting. That’s why change and uncertainty can be difficult to adapt to.
Personally, I feel somewhat nervous at the prospect of moving into student accommodation at University this September, due to homesickness and concerns about being independent for the first time. Nevertheless, I am hoping that my time in accommodation will offer me new experiences and perspectives. Yes, I realise that I probably come across as an exceptionally cheesy person right now.
Do you have a plan for after high school? Are you going to College/University?
finn14 wrote:
I really like my school and feel like I have a role in it and am liked for myself and I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere before the last couple of years I've spent at school. I'm worried that I'll never be liked as much and have as clear a role and be as comfortable in another place again.
I never liked school, so I can’t really relate. But it’s good that you had a pleasant experience. You could always keep in contact with any friends that you made there (although I wouldn’t suggest trying to speak to any of your teachers after school though). Hopefully you’ll make some accepting friends after High school as well.
finn14 wrote:
I also have developed a massive over reliance on a specific teacher (almost to a "special interest" degree) in that my life is structured around when I next have lessons with her and I get most of my positive emotions from positive interactions with her. I feel like she has begun to occupy the role of a parent in my life.
She knows me extremely well as she is very perceptive and has also taught me for a long time and we talk often. I am absolutely terrified of how I will cope without regularly seeing her as this will mean both the absence of routine and the absence of the main person in my life who makes me feel good about myself. I feel similarly about other teachers at my school though not to the same extent.
She knows me extremely well as she is very perceptive and has also taught me for a long time and we talk often. I am absolutely terrified of how I will cope without regularly seeing her as this will mean both the absence of routine and the absence of the main person in my life who makes me feel good about myself. I feel similarly about other teachers at my school though not to the same extent.
I get the impression that your parents are quite distant. Your teachers have essentially taken up the parental role in your life, so to you it feels as if you are losing a parent rather than just a High school teacher.
Perhaps you are dependent on others to make you feel good about yourself too much. This doesn’t come across as a healthy situation. Ideally, you should try to work on building up some self-confidence/worth that isn't completely dependent on others.
It's a natural feeling to be sad especially if you grew with your friends in the same school but leaving them is not the end. You will also meet more friends and eventually will learn to adjust. Have faith that everything will be best for you.
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