making gay friends in college...

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I am a homophobic, and I am wanting to overcome it by making gay friends while in College. I'm not gay myself, I'm straight. I have a girlfriend.
How do I overcome my fears and frustrations?

I guess the question would be is why you are homophobic? What about homosexuals do you not like or fear? Because I really can't think of how I should respond to this.

Back in 2006 or so, I once had a gay boy, around my age make a gesture toward me, with his tongue and I've feared ever since it.

So I'm assuming that the gesture was sexually inappropriate. The only thing I can think of that could help overcome this fear is understand that homosexuality doesn't automatically equate to perversion and sexual harassment. People regardless of orientation and gender and whether or not they are attracted to you can do the same thing so it's not a sexuality thing. Some people do it just to be an annoyance. Even though some people do push their sexual interest onto others in inappropriate ways, it's best not to assume that all of them do that.

If the phobia is something deeply rooted however...there may need to be something else done to remedy that fear...which I have no knowledge of unfortunately.

Interesting thread.

FYI I'm gay, but in person pretty much everyone just assumes I'm straight. I don't "look" gay. I mention that as I wonder if you'd initially be more comfortable around someone who didn't present so outwardly gay. Doesn't change how gay I am, though. heh

So, you basically just want to be around some gay people for a little "exposure therapy" to overcome your irrational homophobia? Hm, not necessarily a bad thing. Are there any gay bars/pubs/cafes or gay district in your city? You and your girlfriend could go spend some time there and just chill out with homos all around you.

Maybe your college has a gay club? You could always drop in and say hi. Again, you could take your gf if it's more comfortable for you.

Chances are you already pass gay people in the halls or have classes with some. 7% of the population identifies as LGBT - one in 11 people isn't straight.

Go to a gay club. You will make gay friends and if you really want to get over being homophobic it will all be in the open there. Plus as a straight guy I have to say they can really have a good time but you will also be respected for the most part. Like it's OK to just go there to have fun. I had a gay friend and it was known I was straight when I went. No one cared. Not every gay man wants you you are not that pretty. Seems a lot of straight guys believe that. But yes once in a while a guy did hit on me but I figured that's how it goes in a place like that.

Yep, this!

I've attended some super gay parties where there were the odd straight dudes/straight couples. They just make it clear they're there for the warehouse party/dancing etc. This one guy stands out because he was beside me on a dance floor and made a point of saying "I'm straught" just to be crystal clear, and my response was "I don't care." lol seriously didn't. A) He wasn't my type and I wasn't about to hit on him & B) It didn't bother me any that he was there for the vibe of the party, I didn't care one bit that he was straight. The cool part was he was out with his friends and having a good time. Also, this was the first major party a week or two after the Pulse massacre in Orlando, so there was a bit of a special vibe that night.. partiers out partying like they're not gonna be fearful of attackers etc, so it was an especially memorable night.

Also met some straight guys/couples at Pride parties, too. One stands out because one guy was gay and the other friend straight, but I would have guessed the opposite sexualities.

Anyways, gay clubs and such are great for hanging around gay people. Obviously. The only thing you want to avoid is being weird about it like you're a tourist at a zoo there to see exotic animals. Some gay guys get up tight about straight people in queer spaces, especially the stereotypical girl's birthday parties or bachelorette parties. I get their pov, too. They're gay places for a reason, and the vibe of truly gay bars and parties is like a whole different world when you walk through the door.. and as a gay man, that's a good thing. Bye bye heteronormativity, hello super gay space. That said, your best bet is a pub that's known to be a gay hangout, or whatever gay bar in town is known to be popular with straight people. Might be best to avoid THE gayest club in town or gay specific warehouse parties that are a little more.. sexually charged - for your, and the crowd's, benefit. Heck, maybe you just need to get your feet wet hanging out for coffee in the gayest Starbucks in town first.

I think the key is just remembering that we’re normal people tbh, dating the same sex doesn’t make you a scary alien or anything y’know? My dad learnt this from my brother and I (we’re both gay) as he comes from Asia, he had a lot of misconceptions about gay people.

Also, just be natural and relaxed about it, try and make friends with people that you would probably naturally make friends with anyway if they were straight.

Mhmmm. Sometimes the simplest advice is the best.

If it's not about a sexual connection at all, then their sexual orientation is pretty much irrelevant. Just make friends with people you'd make friends with in any other situation is right.

Are you sure the gesture didn't just make you feel insecure about your sexuality? If you truly were homophobic you wouldn't care enough to remedy the nonsense. Living a lie is very frustrating. Being yourself isn't looked upon kindly in this day and age.