Anyone develop and maintain solid friendships in college?

Post Reply New Topic

I've realized that the few friends that I had in high school have all moved on in their lives. And I also realized I was never able to really develop relationships with others due to my social ineptness. It's been 4 years in college and I still feel so isolated from people that I can't connect with anyone (as if I'm some institutionalized convict who got out of jail after 30 years and can't function in society).
I don't know who the popular music artists are or talk about the normal things that most college students do. I don't know how to meet people. Where to meet people (clubs obviously but still..). I've had self-esteem issues regarding my health which hasn't helped. I've burned a lot of bridges and I've realized I was inconsiderate to a lot of my past friends.

I wanted to know if there are people out there that went through or know someone who went through the same thing I'm going through.
How did you develop a friendship?

I guess I just got lucky in college as a freshman. I'm still very very good friends with the three people I decided to connect with while I was there. I met them through a student organization and we all instantly clung to each other. I've lived with all of them, been on trips with them, visited them after we all left college (only one of us finished), and I talk to them every day. Of course, all of us are somewhere on the Autism spectrum so I think we sought each other out for that reason in the beginning, but we grew close as actual friends over a few years. None of us had a diagnosis when we met, either, it's all come to the surface for everyone recently; I was the first to get diagnosed, the others saw something similar in themselves and also got diagnosed within a few months. The main key is to not let yourself tell yourself that you're socially inept. It makes you more aware of it. Awkwardness is all in the context for me, and I met a group of people that I instantly felt comfortable with. Just put yourself out there, lots of times friends will find you.

well I guess it just sort of fell into place because I am such a lost soul I never connect with anyone but with this one friend it was like friendship that was meant to be. Its been 5 years since we graduated and moved to different parts of the world and everytime I talk to her I can still connect and immediately we are talking about things we never tell other people.

I don't want to be pessimist, but I think that for certain kind of personalities and persons, it is and will always be hard (or more than hard), except if they find people who function like them.
I haven't made a new friend for more than three years now. Even though I am very well alone when I'm at my place, I don't like very much being the friendless one outside, because I know that I'm so much better in social situations etc. when I'm with someone I know (it above all works with my family members) and can relate to. I function less well in those conditions.
I don't think I'm really able to build a friendship, and it's very hard for me to maintain one. When I've had "friends", the circumstances and situations, and their gentleness, helped a lot.
There are some people who seem to take pity of those who are different and let them enter their circle of acquaintances. It's not really bad, it's not really good either, because it can be kind of fake.
Other normal people can become your friends, but you're not always really a "friend" in their own eyes, or rather said there is not an equivalence between how you two envision your link...

But eventually I'd say if you want a "true" friend, he or she must be "like you". I've never really had this opportunity (by the way I doubt people "like me" are numerous) myself.



Actually I would not be able to "go seeking friends" in the physical world (on Internet it's not the same thing). I'm limited to the people I directly frequent at college for example, and the people I'm introduced to through family, another "friend", etc. The rest doesn't seem possible, except if people "go to me", if they take the first step, which I'm not really able to do myself. By the way I'm not the kind of guy who sits at the cafeteria on the campus, I'm the guy who eats a sandwich outside, or the one who reads at the University Library. I've read some (real of course) stories about people that began something at the library (if I remember, one was that of a girl who met with a schizoid [as a personality, no as a disorder] guy and initiated a friendship that became "more" afterwards as people say), and it puzzles me. I don't see someone approaching me while I study and talking to me. I guess there is a part of luck in all that.

Another problem : when you've reached a certain age, it's assumed by most that you already have friends, or even have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Most people themselves have got that and have pretty much elaborated networks of relations and acquaintances, so they can't really understand I think the real situation of someone like me. Which means the problem grows, and it surely must become harder to hope for something that's not just of the acquaintance type with others.



I don't know if I'm a good adviser, but if you feel that way you should maybe focus more on finding people who are interested in the same fields as you, or with things in common. It's easier to interact with people, at least. Also do a little observation. I felt very awkward when I understood that not all the students in my cursus found that some of the things we do are actually very entertaining. Conversely, sometimes, it can be beneficial not to hide some of your abilities or achievements, provided it's done the right way. It works if you're like me, very secret (except on forums ) and kind of strangely ashamed that you've written or made good things...

Best way to do it is get involved with something you're interested in. If your major is something you're interested in, that can obviously help, but it doesn't always. I LOVE my major, but I only made a couple of casual acquaintances in college in my major and only 1 decent friend who i still talk to once in awhile. Sometimes you just have to keep poking around.

It wasn't until i took an elective in another department that interested me that I found people I could fit in with. I ended up becoming involved with their club, many of their activities and events, taking more of their classes (not even for credit), and I was actually given a lot of cool opportunities that I didn't even know existed. I met many great people whom i would still call "friends" and also made friends with some of the professors there. I even found an awesome mentor who i visited during office hours. I never thought a professor could become a good friend in college, but it happened!

I would recommend poking around in departments that interest you and keep an open mind! It was pretty awkward and scary at first, but now I wish i had had ventured out into another department sooner!