College is breaking me

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I'm finally going to admit to myself that I need help. I found this forum years ago but I never really bothered joining since I had nothing worth saying at the time, but since I started college the problems I'm facing have only gotten worse. My first year at college was somewhat decent. I was focused, I thought I knew what I was doing, but I was forcing myself to attend classes by the end of my first semester. It was torture to live in a dorm. The people were loud and annoying, my roommate was irresponsible and threw me off my schedule.. I hated it. It ruined everything because I was made fun of for my behavior. This has always happened to me, but to come back to my room only to be criticized made me feel extremely depressed. By Christmas I didn't want to go back to school. The next semester I was only physically there. My performance plummeted and I moved back home. I tried summer classes to make up for things I missed out on and enrolled in a closer university so I could live at home again. This was better, but it only made me feel like a burden. I've always felt like that to my family. I don't want to be someone who has to be taken care of, I wanted to prove I can succeed like other people. The issue is, my parents don't address my problems. They were concerned, but they don't care at all about how I feel, they don't understand the pain of not feeling comfortable around others. They blatantly ignore my sensitivity towards sounds and light.. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything feels wrong and no one else knows it.. I'm not a confrontational person, so they just move on even though they know I have trouble with these things. It's like they're embarrassed of me. It doesn't help that I don't really know what path I'm taking anymore either in my second year. I feel so aimless all the time. I lose track of time because my life just has no order anymore. I can't stand this anymore.. My entire life my problems have been ignored.. But I expect nothing less from the same people who ignored my speech delay, or melt downs that got me in trouble, or even being put in special ed once when I didn't need to be there.. Looking back at this, my entire experience in school has been a nightmare. I'm ready to leave. I don't feel I can succeed anymore like this but I don't know what to do. I'll likely be on my own if I can't do this. This anxiety makes every moment depressing. I just have no idea where to go from here.

can you arrange some kind of on-line degree program?

Dear, don't take it so close to your heart what others do or think. If it's hard for you to be like 'others', just be yourself. Try to find something that will make you feel happy and comfortable. If sounds and lights bother you, try another way. Maybe, learning in small groups, or individual / distant study.

For me it always was hard to communicate with a lots of people. And I also wasn't sure what I want to do in this life (I'm still not sure). But I found a way how to learn to be happy and comfortable. For me it's music. I guess, you must try to find a hobby, which will bring you joy and calmness. As for music, it can teach you that sound can be pleasant. At least, you can ply just for yourself in your room and get a joy.

I wish you luck! And everything will be ok!
Just keep on walking!

Since you felt so uncomfortable living in a dorm, I'd definitely suggest that you either try to find an apartment/room just for yourself or stay at your parents' house. It's very important to have a place to recharge your batteries, relax and just be yourself. Besides that, it's always good to have a (small) group of friends or acquaintances with whom you can do activities together or just talk. I would try to find a class/group/freetime activity that you are interested in. Maybe you can meet people with similar interests there. Is everyone from your family as you described them or is there maybe someone who is a bit better at listening or who understands your problems better? Is there someone you can talk to? If there is really nobody, you may try to find a good therapist, preferably someone with experience in ASD. It may sound a bit childish, but you could also make a list with your biggest wishes/things you want to achieve in your life and make a plan on how to get there. You also don't have to deal with every problem at once, I would aim to solve one problem at a time, taking small steps, so to speak.
Btw (I hope this doesn't count as advertising) there's a youtuber named "Anja Melissa". She has ASD and is currently studying. I believe she made a video about coping at university.

The part about your parents blatantly ignoring your sensitivities toward sounds and light . . .

People not on the spectrum seem not to understand sensory issues. I don’t see why, for they are real issues.

Or, they believe in some amateur’s version of “systematic de-sensitization,” which is really more designed for phobias than sensory issues. And if I’m going to use any version of this at all, it’s going to be my own time frame thank you very much.

I hope your school has some kind of program to help people on the spectrum -- my school does; but, I live in a very ASD-friendly state. Perhaps you can talk to someone, like call the people that work in the student living or college life center (whatever your school may call it -- handles students living on campus), and perhaps explain your situation and arrange for accommodations.

Personally, I feel very blessed having a mother that understands and went above and beyond to do research on this (she's a social worker, came across ASD, after much research, thought I might be on the spectrum, had me diagnosed, and well yeah I am). Knowing what many of her social work cases involve, and all the children on the spectrum in similar situations, I feel for you how tough it must be. My dad doesn't understand. It's hurtful.

Whatever you do, I think you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, despite all these challenges. It's tougher, hell indeed, but you can do it.

Personally, I'm staying at home and driving long-distance to campus since I can't live on my own yet. I'll say, I respect you a lot for being able to live on your own at all -- I can't imagine myself being out on my own in my current state. I think since you can manage that, you can do anything.

So, definitely see what services are available on campus at your disposal!
Also, would you mind if I asked, what's your major?

My school is small, so it's possible for students here to have their own rooms without roommates. I'm able to have one without paying extra for it because I have a doctor's note explaining how Asperger's makes me need it, and other students with other issues that make them need it are also able to get a doctor's note and talk to res life to get a single room. If possible, I would suggest talking to your school's dorm/residence people or your ADA person to see how they can improve your experience and make things just as fair and possible for you as for the other students. ^^ Then maybe you could live away from home and escape your family but still have an alright experience