I'm afraid and ashamed of myself

Post Reply New Topic

Sadly, I have the need to vent.

School starts on the 1st of September. It may sound like plenty of whining from an immature lazy kid, and yeah, I know I won't rest all my life, I should work. But I don't longer feel competent.

Ever since I've entered High School I've been going downhill. I used to excel and be proud of my intellectual abilities, the skill to make unique solutions alongside my great memory. Now it seems it's all gone. I'm destined to spend the rest of my life as a mentally handicapped failure(not to offend low functioning people, it's not their fault and they aren't worse than others, I just feel like somebody took off my brain and put some thrash instead. I'm the reason behind that). Everybody believed in me. I wanted to go to med school and I can say, biology and chemistry were my top special interests. I'm shaking when I think I have to study them for secondary school certificate.

In my school there are some nasty people and really awful teachers. Demanding, strict, at the same time not delivering any important knowledge. I was thinking about transferring to an other place but I have to get my drivers licence, the only reasonable school is far away from home so in order to get there I would have to catch multipule buses and wake up at 5.00 AM.

I just don't know how to cope. There's so much anxiety going on in there. My classmates can legally buy alcohol soon and they just don't understand anything. They're the source of so much noise my head is going to explode.

My teachers know I'm autistic but I'm getting faint support. I still have to do oral presentations and such. That results in huge shutdowns after coming back home. I'm taking meds and I'm constantly making small steps towards healthy head but I don't know how the situation will look like when I'm in that toxic hellhole. I won't be able to be a functioning member of society if I still live like this.

I hated high school, and junior high school.

College was better because there were more classes that were interesting to me. (My major was a good match to my interests.)

I was still not good with social stuff in college, but my grades were better than when I was in high school.

well you can still be highly successful without being a top notch "A" student but I would reccomend you to do your best to graduate high school and stay away from alcohol if its illegel for you to drink.Maybe get some CBD instead of alcohol.You can also be highly successful as a C student.I say this as someone that has been out of high school for a long time and i was a A student.What would your dream job or career be if being a doctor does not work out?I wish you the best of luck.You can be successful as a b student too.I have been around a lot of doctors in my day and its not all its cracked up to be.I thought about being one myself too.Other than biology and chemistry did you have any other reasons you wanted to be a doctor?Also, I would stick with a STEM degree in college if you can and do paid internships instead of McJobs.you might want to be open to a trade such plumbling electrician or HVAC.Grades are not that important in the real world so i would not stress out too much.

Thanks for advice. I've always wanted to be a doctor and as heroic as it sounds, I'd like to make this world a better place and offer help to people, who are often in bad situation.

Another thing that bothers me is being dependent on my boss or doing a peripheral, meaningless job while being treated like a cog in the wheel. Physician is a rather liberal profession. I heard that HVAC is getting more popular nowadays. I guess becoming an engineer isn't bad as I can launch my own business plus I'm quite good at technical things.

Sorry you're dealing with such a problematic cycle. I would feel rather trapped too. Would it be possible to finish your studies online? Have you submitted an updated accommodations request from your doctor or ASD diagnostician, saying that you can't do verbal presentations and group work? That might really help. You can have accommodations for online learning too, not just in-person classes.

I'm not sure where you are, but in the states you can get a doctor's note to get you out of pretty much anything. You would get an IEP (individualized education plan) that would document that you are disabled and as such entitled to certain accommodations so that you can receive the same education as everyone else.

You'd probably be able to function okay if you could get out of public speaking, lesson the amount of time you have to listen to people speak/social engage, and maybe if you could put on headphones to listen to music/reduce noise or even take some classes online. You basically will need to reduce your exposure to social expectations so that you can recharge your batteries.

Autistic young people tend to have a hard time in high school and in their early twenties but then do fine as they get older. Keep in mind that having a rigid sense of what is right and a dedication to your interests are things that can propel you far beyond your peers in terms of both career success and general wellbeing. You just have to think of yourself as a jungle explorer for the time being. You may have to go to greater trouble to make your life more comfortable for the next few years, but if you stay the course it will be worth it.

Oh okay no problem.glad I could help some.I would do research on the possible careers you want to do.HVAC is a good industry where I live.I have a friend who is in HVAC and he has a good life but its hard and tough work.If you did start a business what kind would u wamt to start?I would google compound interest.It could really help you feel better about being so young.I am a business owner and if you do decide to go down that path just know that 9 out of 10 businesses fail so you may have try starting multiple business just to get one that works.Also as a business owner you will have to work 24/7 for years possibly decades to get a income you live off of.I would start reading various business books if thats the path you want to go down.

See if a doctor will write a letter to your school that says that you need to go to school virtually

Hi,

Let me first say you are not alone in this and the way they teach and grade highschool does not actually reflect on ones intelligence.

I also want you to say the level of material and the constant assisgnments they give in HS does not teach you anything other than how to kill yourself for employers for no money. Its only goal is to break you down and prevent you from developing a strong sense of self so they can make you into a work horse for them and learn to not ask for your needs to be met. Congrats on being immune to brainwashing. The best colleges are not actually looking for people who can mindlessly produce but actually looking for those who can think outside the box. Something you can can do especially well.

If you really want to do well in High School, homeschool. Take that time to teach yourself the minimum they require to do well on regents test for your regular classes and ap tests in the areas you are strong and want to pursue in college. Then deep dive study further in your interests and produce papers (try to get them published), inventions, and anything to help you grow and show evidence of that growth. This is what gets you into a good college over everything else. This is what I did with with my adhd, asd, gifted kids who struggled with executive functioning but not learning content, especially content that was in their interests. Use your strengths to set you apart. Don't flounder in your weaknesses. This avenue will more than prepare you for college. It will actually prepare you for graduate school too.

Cheers and Good Luck!
Email me if you want more help. I help others do this as job now.

I dropped out of high school and later finished with what was then called correspondence courses. It should be easier to get virtual classes now that you can do on your own and not have to deal with other students and stupid classes. And then I went on to get a MS and PhD, so don't worry too much about high school.

If you live in the USA and have an actual autism diagnosis, you are entitled to accommodations in your classes. You get the accommodations by requesting an IEP meeting. If they don't like your autism diagnosis, you could qualify under the 504. I forget all the details, but you can google these things. These are Federal Laws and apply no matter what state you live in.

Some states also have educational advocates to help you and/your parents to come to IEP meetings and force the school to follow the law. Parents without advocates often get bullied by the school stating they can't offer a certain accommodation, when the law actually requires the school to do so.

I can also suggest that you contact your state's Disability Rights office. Every state has one, and there is a federal organization as well.

There are other options for you, besides regular public school. I agree with you that high school is a terrible environment for students with autism. Good luck.

Get some Valium and reassess your basic survival and get some healthy food and exercise into you. Practice your oral. When I was studying online I had to find out how to learn which I never even thought of doing before. I have apd so schools is useless to me cause the teacher just stands and speaks for agers and I don’t understand cause I can’t rewind her or him. So I learn better by reading and writing and by speaking aloud. You retain 50%more if you speak things out loud to yourself. I even had to learn how to hold a pen again and I got told I don’t even type correctly lol. I have studied in a catholic private school, tafe, distance education. And I’ve had tutors. Get thoroughly tested for everything learning based and ask them for tips and find people with high atars and borrow money from your parents for tutoring.

As someone who is 27. Try your hardest at school you don’t get to repeat high school unless it’s the final years. Take it seriously and do your best. There’s always counsellor and self help books
But if you’re eating healthy and exercising. You should be fine. Makes a big difference trust me! Go study successful smart people they aren’t obese or drug addicts.