this is an embarrassment.

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I don't understand it.

I beat him in the challenge, won third chair in wind ensemble, fairly.

Don't get it.

He got mad when I beat him, wasn't happy at all after.

But I don't follow the anger.

He won't even look at me. Won't respond, just looks away silently in anger, as if I've suddenly done something wrong.

I don't understand it.

Basically, I challenged a senior for his spot (i'm fourth, he's third), and beat him fairly. He didn't take it well, and wont even speak to me. Even if I need advice or if I'm giving him advice, or just trying to strike up a conversation in the hallways, he won't acknowledge my presence.

What do I do? I don't want to end my year on a bad note with this guy. However, he doesn't notice it. He doesn't even realize that he's eating away at my character and destroying my self-esteem.

What do I do?

Don't let this guy get you down. obviously, you beat him out, and it was fair. Please believe me, there is not a problem with you, it's him. It sounds like he just can't handle losing. Just tell him that you need to talk to him and tell him, or IM him, that way you'll know he got the messgae. f he still doesn't acknowedge you then just blow him off. I know that can be hard, but ya gotta do what a gotta do, ya know? In the end all you can say is you tried your best! Getting 3rd chair is a great thing! Be proud, congrats!

That's an NT thing. You hurt the guy's ego. He saw you as "below him", and now you're "above him". He feels humiliated, and sees you as the cause of the humiliation. So if he's basically a nice guy and you care how he feels about things, then tell him something that makes him feel "bigger" again. This has to be something that's true, because you're an Aspie and you don't want to lie. E.g. refer to something you think he's very good at.

Chair placing in orchestra and band is usually very dramatic. Everyone wants to get the best chair as possible and whoever dosen't get the top three or four chairs are usually pretty jealous at they give a lot of crap to the people who got the top chairs. Oh yeah, and if you are a younger player in the section and you get a top chair, it's even worse. I play viola and I was in an orchestra/band camp and I auditioned for a chair and got 1st chair, principal viola in the jr.high orchestra divison of the camp when I was only going into 6th grade and everyone... I mean everyone started to gain up on me and the 8th graders asked the director, 'why is this 6th grader 1st chair, she's too young I should be in first chair' it was so scary. Throughout the whole week of camp, everybody from my section hated me and the only few friends I had were in the high school orchestra that I already befriended before the camp.

They're just sore losers. It's nothing with you, it's them.

He's jealous...somehow he thinks he was more deserving, but like you said, you fairly won third chair.

I can't talk much into detail on this one, I never was in band... but on the other hand, I have dealt alot with people who don't think I deserve a spot above them just because they dont like me.

One of the most important things I've found is the ability to just think...not always say, but just think..."f**k you," and let it go. I had moments like that several times through school... don't let him bother you, just know that his problem with jealousy alone is reason enough for you to deserve the spot, and to let the whole thing go... and if he was a close friend of yours, then you two have some serious talking to do if you want to keep that friendship...and from the way his behavior sounds it's not worth it.

*PWI*

is the seat important to you?
not sure whether it would work, but you could offer it back to him.

Hmm, I would be like that if someone beat me at something important to me.

I absolutely hate dealing with sore losers. It’s just really awkward. There’s not really much you can say, so I‘d just ignore him for a while. He’ll eventually get over it.

I can understand being like that for a day or two. I've been there myself.

What I don't get is when people hold grudges for weeks or months. At that point I assume they're just being vindictive jerks. Their feelings can’t possibly still be hurt after that much time. Or they have some serious problems.

What do you do? I'll tell you what you do.



Challenge second chair.

On topic however, if he's that upset over something as insignificant as a change in seat then forget him because he's crazy. If your taking his seat required him to learn a whole new part, I could see him being pissed for a day or two. Maybe. I wouldn't, but I could see it. If you took away his solo or something then that could take longer (although I never liked having solos; that's why I gave up first chair for second.)

Some people are just like that. They don't have the diligence to actually work and learn to play well, but they get upset when someone who does work hard is better than them. Dealing with such frustrations in life becomes much easier when you realize that some people are just a lower form of life