What should I do?

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Hello all,

Last Christmas I was unable to sit my 1st semester uni exams because the pressure was severely triggering my depression, and I ended up taking an overdose and landed in hospital.

For my summer exams I was provided with a support worker who helped me organise myself, etc and I managed to get through them without any problems at all. Unfortunately the support worker became unreliable and would stop showing up for appointments/cancel at the last minute, etc, so I decided to end it with her, because it was stressing me out trying to accommodate her.

Now I have to sit my 1st semester exams (next week), and I'm freaking out again. I was fine up until a few days ago when I started severely panicking, crying uncontrollably, feeling like everything was out of control and severely depressed. It's difficult for me to describe the feeling, but it is an extremely unbearable (hence why I ODed the last time). It feels like my mind is in turmoil and this cloud is sitting over my head.

I have thought about it, and I think I should not sit my exams (given what happened last time), and repeat the 1st semester of 2nd year. That way I will have more time and more support, as I will be getting another support worker when I return. If I freak out again then I think I should call it quits, and leave university all together, because it's not worth risking my life over.

It gets very frustrating when you feel this way and people keep saying "but you're smart, you pass all the time!" or "it's just for another week or so" blah blah. This is what people said to me the last time and it didn't make any difference. I wonder if having AS makes these feeling more intense?

Well I'd be interested in anyone's thought on this.

Thanks.

Having AS myself, I can tell you that such things really can be much harder on you than it would be on other people. With certain things, what most people would just brush off their shoulder, its like the end of the world to me. But I go through phases I think because my life seems to go in cycles. When something good happens for a while and then it gets ruined I feel like Im about to die, but if Im in pain about a bunch of things for a while, then it tends to not bother me as badly cause I seem to get used to it. Then there are times when I dont get used to it and it just gets piled up inside me until I explode, but that just about never happens because I do everything I can to prevent it. I thought about suicide but I never actually thought about committing it.

I can't really give any advice, but I can say that I do know what it feels like to be extremely stressed about school.

Oh and your feelings such as freaking out and such is something that I can relate to a lot as well. The way i tweak out is usually I pace a lot and stress levels skyrocket and my body feels all clenched up and I feel like ripping my hair out.. I dunno kinda hard to explain actually. I dont really feel out of controll unless its really really bad, mainly nowadays when something bothers me I either watch something funny on tv or whatnot, or light up a cig. Both seem to work equally well, or anything that will totally distract you from your problems or clear your mind, like having an orgasm for example

Thanks for the replies.

Has anyone else dropped out permanently/temporarily of college/uni?