Extrovert trapped in an introvert's body

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I love being around people, and my mom's a TRUE introvert so I know I'm not really one...but I need to be around people to get my "energy" and then I need to decompress after being out with people, and so far it's really stretching me thin being pulled in opposite directions.

The few people I've met at school I've seemed to alienate (one hung out with me once and then never called again when before he'd seemed keen on hanging out with me for weeks). The other one calls me constantly but I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE so I either don't answer (he leaves tons of messages saying "I guess you never pick up your phone...") or I answer and say I'm just heading out. I don't mind short messages (Meet me at X...) but I hate having conversations on the phone, except with my mom. I don't even like talking to make PLANS that much because I get nervous about having made this social commitment and usually end up backing out (I don't have social anxiety though, it's totally just the Asperger's and me finding interactions difficult).

Plus guys only talk to me because they like me, and even if I pretend I'm a lesbian or casually mention some fake boyfriend or out-right talk about how I don't date because it's just not my thing, I can tell guys are interested in me and that just drives me away.

So basically I'm stuck with no friends because I don't socialize with the ones I have/had for a multitude of reasons, but I'm so lonely I can hardly stand it.

I'm almost thinking of joining a sorority next semester...except there's meetings constantly and like I said, I get nervous feeling like I HAVE to go out and do something with other people. Plus I don't drink/party/~write lyke dis~ and I'm not super perky about everything. (I was going through Kent State's sororities and in all the photos they're doing something school spirity or wearing matching shirts).

I always say something to drive people away, and the people that stay I either don't really like or am not as interested in (friendship-wise) as they are me. I don't even know what I say most of the time...I'm like the girl in Mozart and the Whale (as terribly I thought that represented AS)...I can recognize when I say something truly outrageous or off-putting (and even then I usually don't care), but I know I say a million things a day to drive people away and I just don't know what it is because I can't self-regulate. (As a result, people tend to either really like me or really dislike me).

I know I'm babbling but I just needed to vent...I'm so tired of being by myself because I neglect friends because the quality of that friendship doesn't seem to warrent the amount of work that's necessary to maintain it, or because there's no one out there I can even seeing myself being friends WITH.

I tried joining ASL club (before I could even attend one meeting they changed the meeting place and no matter who I ask or how many times I e-mail the president, I don't get a response). I sometimes strike up conversations with people in class. I have a cute puppy I walk around campus (lol). But I can't get anywhere, and it's always been like that my entire life. Even now, since starting college last year, I did everything different from what I'd been doing my whole life with no result, and now THIS year at a new, better school in a place I'm happier, I'm doing everything different AGAIN and still nothing.


I think I'd have a lot of friends if I wasn't an Ass-pie.

I am in a similar situation, except not only do I have AS to contend with, but also being liberal in an overwhelmingly conservative college town.

Tim

Sometimes I feel like I'm a contradiction as well though in a different way so I understand.

I don't know how you do it man, for me that would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

The last word seems rather offensive to me. And it definitely isn't right to use "Asperger's" as the reason why you are introverted.

You can not blame all your actions on whatever AS is.

I use to think that I could blame everything on my bowel problems.

I realized at around the age of 19(I am 20 now) that I am really in control; regardless of whether or not it seems that way most of the time.

Responding to the topic- You seemed to be rather confused. To me it seems like you are introverted and you want to become extroverted.

Are you even sure you have Asperger's?

I'm going to be blunt. You're going to have to learn how to go to meetings and how to answer your phone. You're going to learn how to make commitments and to stick to them. I mean, it's that simple. I don't mean to be harsh, but I think you need to work through those issues. I understand your concerns; but, unless you address these issues now, it's going to be very hard for you to find a job and succeed professionally.

You have your opinions and I have mine. I used the term Ass-pie because I feel it conveys my sentiments about having Asperger's quite well. I'm also well aware of what issues I'm struggling with and I'm better equipped to identify the source of my problems than a stranger on the internet. And I'm not confused about anything, at least nothing I've discussed here. It's too bad you interpreted my post that way...your struggles with blaming your issues on bowel problems does not translate into my situation.

Yes, I've been diagnosed. Thanks for your concern though.

I don't think this is harsh at all...I appreciate you being straightforward.

Sorry, your profile says that you are undiagnosed. You may want to change that.

That's an oxymoron, lol.

Well, being soically introverted alone does not qualify as a sucessfull diagnosis of Asperger's.

I think a lot of people who visist this site are confused about what Asperger's is and what Asperger's is not.

Just because you don't like talking on the phone and currently don't get along well with other people doesn't mean that you have Asperger's.

You could just be at a certain point of your life in which it is normal for these things to happen.

People change their world perspective when they enter College. I have seen it happen in both my brother and my sister and I've changed by more than just a little bit.

Of course I am basing this on my opinions and experiences so you certainly don't have to agree with me.

And even if you are, that still doesn't mean you have to use the phrase "Ass-Pie."

It is offensive to anyone on this site who has the disorder.

You know what I find offensive? The fact that you have the audacity to come on here and question me on whether or not I have Asperger's. Since you seem to have reading problems, I've already said earlier in this thread that I've been diagnosed, frankly I find it laughable that some ass-hat on the internet thinks he can re-diagnose me based on one post on a message board. Yes, I agree that a lot of people are confused about what Asperger's is and isn't. I, however, am not. This is not a "change" since I've been in college, and the fact that you're basically calling it a "phase" because you like to keep your little A.S. club as exclusive as possible just shows either your arrogance or your ignorance of the situation. So you either need to back off or make sure you know FULL WELL what you're doing before you start making comments on what another person does and does not "have".

I feel the same on a lot of points. I want friends, and I need to socialize sometimes. But it's very hard for me to find the energy to make new friends, and then maintain them in a college setting. In high school, I'd made my friends in childhood and in classes/clubs, so I saw them every day. I could go home and chill by myself and be introverted, and when I felt like talking to someone I could go downstairs and talk to my mom for a few minutes or whatever. And if I felt like socializing, I could call up a close friend and suggest we go to the mall. Here, I have to meet all new people, and usually I have to be in a group setting (i do much better with one on one friendships where I can sort of control what goes on...I'm not bossy or anything, I can just guide the conversation/activities, and my friend knows what I like), and when I'm in the group I have to do and talk about what the group wants. It's a lot of energy to constantly try to follow up with people I meet and make plans - it's really hard for me. It's hard for me to find time for myself, also, so i just get sick of socializing. Here, I can't just talk to someone for 5 minutes, or call up one person to do an activity. Socialization requires much more of a commitment here, and it's really difficult.

Well...........alright.

This sounds like the argument that I had with my lap partner about a year ago and about 3 months later I realized she was only arguing with me because she liked me LOL.

There is no way I can know whether or not you have Asperger's or not; I just suggested that your current situation isn't necessarily the result of having a personality disorder.

But I'm just a College student and not someone who is an official registered neuropsychiatrist or therapist so what could I possibly know ? .