The Holy Sh*t of Meltdowns

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Had the Mother Of All Meltdowns tonight. Can't recall having one this bad since childhood. I totally lost it. Locked myself in my room, howled on the floor into a pillow for a good thirty minutes, bawling my eyes out.

Why? Statistics. I've been doing well in the course thus far, save for some sensory overstimulation problems that had me rocking through my entire exam the other day. I'm getting A's for the most part. But I do have a "math block". I can be going along just fine, and I hit a wall. Everything that made perfect sense three seconds ago suddenly looks like it's Chinese to me (I can't read Chinese). All these symbols and equations and formulas might as well have been scribble. I read and read the sentences over and over, but the words were all individual, not strung together, and meant nothing.

Last night I encountered the problem, studied until 4AM and finally turned the light out and went to sleep. I figured a new day would improve the situation. Err no. Still Chinese. When I realized there was just no way the assignment was going to get done by deadline (midnight) I freaked.

Funny thing. After that, I got up, read the book, read the supplemental stuff, and finished the assignment (equations, calculations, formulas and all) and submitted it minutes before midnight.

But wow. I feel completely insane right now for having hit that point. I haven't been forced to do math I had difficulty with since 6th grade. I had a meltdown much like this one at that time as well. I specifically recall my mother telling me, "You look like an as*hole. I ought to tape record you so you can see and hear what an as*hole you look like."

Ah. So I feel like an as*hole. But on the bright side, I think I did ok on the assignment.

And you had your meltdown in your bedroom, the best place I think, to have a melt down.

I think your mother was being an as*hole that time.

I'm kinda lost on your timeline of events, no need to explain again though if you don't want to.

Somewhere in there, you did a few things...

Found a safe place to have a meltdown (it was safe place... right?)

Made the decision to stop what you were doing when you were not making any positive progress, and went to bed.

Woke up and eventually gained enough self-control to make another fresh attempt, which resulted in success!


Although it sounds like you had a fair bit of excruciating moments, you should also realize all the POSITIVE things you did!

I see them... don't you?

[quote="wsmac"]Although it sounds like you had a fair bit of excruciating moments, you should also realize all the POSITIVE things you did!/quote]

I agree with what wsmac said! Having a meltdown sucks, but the outcome of the situation was excellent. Personally, every time I have had a meltdown over schoolwork, the assignment turned out either late or poor quality. Congrats!

Well, lol, I hope it is in fact such a happy ending. We'll see when I get the grade back, probably tomorrow or Wednesday.

Sometimes you need the meltdown to get past a subtle anxiety block. It's like punching a reset button. If you can sleep afterward and recharge, so much the better. I've freaked several times over the years because I couldn't figure something out and the deadline was looming. Each time, I had the answer almost immediately after the meltdown. It happened less as I got older and had more experience to draw upon.

I got a 90%! !! ! It's a B, but it sure beats an F! This brings my overall average for the class to 91%, and I'm half way through officially.

Yeah MysteryFan3, I typically do feel much better after a meltdown, aside from the shame of it. I wish there was a better, easier way, but this is my life.