I'd found a really really great group on the internet. It was full of nerds like me and I was able to connect with them really well, and even meet some of them in person without it feeling horrible and weird. I've been in the group for about 11 months, and it took a lot to even visit the chatroom. But they were such sweet people and seemed to like me alot
Here's the problem though: I had a serious anxiety attack. I'd felt it coming for days but ignored it, I knew that they accepted me and "loved" at least my online persona. Then Monday I lost it. I read something in the chat logs against me from someone that I'd never really got along with, but tolerated. My friends had been telling me to ignore her, she was harmless, but she was a traitor to everyone.
I miss them, it's only Wednesday, I know, but I'm afraid of going back. Keep in mind that 1. I'd just revealed my Asperger's Syndrome to them. 2. I'm several years older than them, even though I feel/felt like I belong and 3. this group means SO much to me.
Is there no hope? Should I move on? I really do want to go back, but I yelled at them and told them I wasn't coming back ever again. I shut down everything to do with them: my account on the forum and Ning account, I've removed them as friends from facebook and myspace. but I'm regretting all of it now. What should I do? I know if they are really my friends, they will let me in, at least onto the skype chat, but I don't know if I should wait, move on, or keep the few friends I have left from the group.
10 Dec 2008, 2:31 pm
