How do I assert myself without looking like a jerk

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Got any suggestions? I think right off the bat, my attitude comes out, its a result of me being big and using this as a manner in which I could avoid getting bullied when I was semi-forced to do this cause of my involvement with some shady characters. The result is that low tolerant people cannot stand me, and I get into non-physical confrontations with egotistical people. Few people have the gauze to bully me to my face, so usually they talk behind my back, but I KNOW they're doing this and I start subtely attacking them back. And I am aware of the existence of my own ego and am in the process of destroying it, but this is going to take lots of time and effort.

This likely belongs in the socializing forum but its damn early in the morning and I haven't slept and I'm caffeinated.

I've been dealing with the same thing. I recently learned that I tend to come across as arrogant, competitive, aggressive, and overly assertive when I talk, especially when I'm talking about something that interests me. My "stiff posture" only adds to the impression, but I think it's primarily caused by the tone and volume of my voice.

Traditionally, I've controlled this sort of thing by just not talking much, if at all. Now I'm working on being aware of it and trying to consciously control the way my voice sounds. It's kind of like acting.

"Standing up" to others, in my experience, has always done far more harm than good, so mostly I don't even bother fighting, especially with my family, since I win an argument about once every millennium or so.