Class Causing Meltdowns?

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I have one class remaining before I get my degree, but the subject matter gives me these horrible "attacks" that may even be what people on here describe as "meltdowns".

I was just listening to an online lecture when I started uncontrollably trembling, sobbing, rolling around, and hitting myself. It was scary. I obviously turned off the lecture as soon as I came to.

I've registered with Disability Services and contacted the teacher, who is really nice, but I'm afraid there is little to nothing that can be done to help me. I have to go through an entire 3 months of these "attacks" (which I don't normally get) or flunk out of school and waste years of hard work and expensive tuition.

Has anyone been through anything similar? Does anyone know if I might have other options besides getting an F or enduring these bouts of self-injurious behavior? It's really scary because I never hurt myself in any other circumstances; there's just something about this subject matter that triggers something awful in my brain . . .

Hmm, well the fact that it's your final class before graduation could indicate something.

You've probably spent most of your life in school, so it can be hard to take the final step and finish the degree, when there is a lot of uncertainty ahead. This could be causing you a lot of stress, which could be leading to the meltdowns, even if subconsciously.

Or maybe the subject matter is very upsetting to you, and that's the cause. But, I don't know what you're taking, so it could be either of those explainations.

Have you tried taking the course before, but then dropped out of it?

Is it possible that you are afraid of the change that comes after those last classes? Maybe your inner sense tells you that a big change will come.

Maybe that's why you're suddenly having meltdowns. I had a very similiar problem when I changed from primary school into high school. I was having attacks and couldn't do much. Luckily it didn't affect my grades much.

Yes.....

brief synopsis first: 52 yrs old - needed two credits to attain High School Diploma - before enrolling into college.....


Okay....
Yes....yes....yes....total "meltdown" in Grade 12 English class - assignments were on "human rights abuses" worldwide.....had to be present for presentations.....almost went out of my mind....

next:

college: professional skills class - class presentations re: the death penalty....prostitution, drug abuse, smoking, etc.....had to sit through presentations with graphic pictures and content.....almost went insane....I was so upset....
it was bad enough seeing the pictures....especially the descriptions of how people are put to death....
but...
even if I hear a description - I see pictures in my head (mind) and I can feel and smell (it's like being there - it can be so vivid....)
then I am overwhelmed and I feel tortured...

I felt "shell-shocked" for days afterward.

This probably doesn't help.....
but I felt so alone when this happened to me....and everyone that I tried to explain it to....thought I was being too dramatic.....etc....and I felt so alone.....


blah....blah....etc. (sorry I'm tired)

Yes, about a year ago. So it's definitely the subject matter and not the timing.

The class has to do with law, policy, government. I really like systems, especially well-designed, logical ones. But these systems seem so absurd in their design, it really freaks me out.

I may seem hypersensitive, but I think it's an aspie thing. When I see something that has been created and organized, with a great deal of effort, in a way that does not make sense and is not as efficient as it could be, it just triggers something in my brain that makes me, well, freak out, if not always in a way that is obvious to other people.

For example, my ex had his records organized alphabetically by author, but within each author, there was no organization method. I went through and methodically arranged them in chronological order.

The thing about the records wasn't a big deal because they're just records, but law and government are very big and complicated. I hate things that look like systems but are, in fact, riddled with chaos. Like if you bought what was said to be a normal house and walked inside to find a bizarrely constructed maze.

In addition, I hate LexisNexis. It has the worst search engine I have ever used.

lol wtf

IRWEASEL wrote:

please explain.

LOL......WTF.......

Yes but it turns out the stress of my project was possibly bringing on seizures (either that or there was just very bad coincidental timing to my epilepsy returning to the point that iw as horribly out of control and my needing to finish a major project).

One really annoying this is all the Know-it-better-then-a-doctor people who went on and on about how all my problems were in my head because I was afraid to graduate and just didn't want to face the real world - even though there wasn't any basis at all for their comments. I was even told it was because i was afraid to go out and teach - i'd been teaching for 3 years, dont' you think this would have happened a lot sooner if it was just that I was afraid to teach?

Good for you. You know why you are having this reaction. Now all you have to do is figure out a way to become to de-sensitized to the lack of efficiency and logic in the systems.

You encounter poorly designed systems everyday, but don't have this reaction to them because you've become de-sensitized. Almost anything humanly designed is flawed. Are there any poorly designed highways or neighborhoods around where you live?
Maybe think about how you've been able to become used to their inefficiencies and not freak out everytime you drive by?

Maybe consciously talk to yourself as you listen to the lectures? Tell youself- I do not need to see the logic in this. There is none. I do not need to see how everything connects in a meaningful and systematic way, it does not. And turn them off when they get to be too much, then turn them back on, and listen again and again until the lack of efficiency is not upsetting you?

Or maybe focus on something about the material that does make sense and you can control? Such as memorizing names or date in place of focusing on the poor concepts?

I think the whole thing is funny as well- not because of your reaction, of course, but because it says so much about our terribly designed human institutions!

What if they were organized, but just by a method that you couldn't see - ie in order of his favorite records or which ones he last played.


This reminds me of the time I let my best friend borrow my social studies book and he removed all the papers from in between the pages and neatly stacked them in the front - the day before a test too!! He said the papers being at random places bothered him and he wanted to make my book neat. So that night rather than just opening to the chapter I was on and getting my papers I had to go through every single paper to see if I needed to look at it. I was very frustrated - quite a bit more than the situation warranted thinking back on it

So is this with just one class? or is it with all of your classes? I would seek proffesional help. Maybe its a triggered response to certain words you hear?

Yeah i use Lexis Nexis at my work. It is very irritating.