Old aspie in "career college" - appalled

Post Reply New Topic

I have been off site for a while because I have been "plunged" into the NT world.....and I am appalled.

The course I chose was "accounting" and we were forced to take a module called "professionalism in the workplace".....in the span of three days we were expected to do a group project - (not given a choice of the subject )....what am I?......10 years old?

...the subjects were: capital punishment, gambling, alcohol addiction, prostitution and smoking addiction.

In addition to that we were told to do a 1000 word essay....and the dummest.....most asanine...group games.....I can't even describe...except to say.....it was like being thrown into a vat of lye....or tossed off a mountain...
NT games....that were so convoluted, and confusing and "unecessary"....
my intelligience was reduced to "pulp"...

and then the presentations began:

the one group showed pictures of everyway a person can be executed complete with description and pictures....
the next....was the picture of a prostitute.....aging and on drugs....
and on and on....and on.....(I felt so bad for her...I felt so helpless because I felt her pain)

then we had to do our presentation on smoking addiction and cessation....and more horror....and I just quit smoking....and "I lost it".....
the entire class was almost asleep....and I thought....
I'll wake you up...

and I gave a personal story....and was "loud and dramatic and passionate"....and ya...I woke them up.....(which was kinda worth it)....a couple of people commented and said that I made it real....and one other lady opened up to me....

but now...

I feel so "off"....

I don't know why I just don't "detach" when I hear about negative, bad things....everyone else in the class was listening just like we were discussing the weather over a hot cup of tea...
even when they showed a picture of a woman wrapped in a sheet, buried in a hole....ready to be stoned to death by her family.....the look on her face is still haunting me...

I don't understand why NT's do this!!!l

Do they mean that if you can listen to stuff like that and not react that you are then what they call "professional"????

I am so disappointed in this college....marks are handed out like candy...

I got a 94% in basic accounting and I didn't know what I was doing....and only deserved a 70 or a 75%.....the mark was so bogus....and feels so dishonest to me...I am not being self-depreciating......I really did not work up to a 94% standard.....so I'm not proud of the mark....I feel like it means nothing...

I guess because the government also funds a lot of students.....it means $$$$ for this college so they give out bogus marks to keep their stats up...


aarrrrrgg!!

but why does an accounting student have to go through what I went through? I chose accounting not suffering through hours of presentations about prostituion, death penalty, etc....I feel like I've been through "academic abuse"....
I feel abused...
and I am so afraid of going back to work now....and facing these NT's on a day to day basis...

I don't know if I can do this...

plus the class was so loud - that my hearing leaves me......and I can't hear...I can hear...but I can't make sense of the voices, everything sounds garbled....and then at one point all I could hear was a loud buzzing....and I'm not deaf....my hearing is okay now....but at the time it was so awful....because at first I tried to pretend I could still hear...and then I had to tell people at my own table that I could not hear them...and they started to look at me funny.....why does this happen?....I hate it...and I can't control it...no matter how much I try....

Right now I am in despair of being an aspie....

Wow, I totally agree with you on this, and I'm an NT.

I see how strongly both of my aspie sons feel about things. My NT daughter, a basically great kid, just doesn't feel things like they do. She's a nice kid, but she doesn't have the enthusiasm, and she also doesn't have the empathy (yes, ironic, isn't it?). Yesterday I found out one of the beloved teachers in our middle school lost his daughter to brain cancer, and when I told my older son, he was very sad. My daughter heard the conversation, and literally had NOTHING TO SAY. I find this very odd. She acted just exactly as you are describing the kids in your class acting, as if it was just discussing the weather. Makes me sad to see my daughter is so unfeeling at times (at other times, she is great and highly empathetic -- but not always).

I had to teach a class recently of high school age kids, for my church, and I felt exactly as you did. I had previously really liked teenagers, but in a classroom situation, it was awful. They were badly behaved, stupid, obnoxious kids, and I frankly don't want to have anything more to do with them (in a classroom situation) ever again.

I hope that somehow your class improves.

thankyou so much for responding....

I was completely overwhelmed by all of the subjects and pictures.....all in one day....I tried so hard to detach and kept trying to tell myself to not listen and pretend I was listening....

but then everything all lights, noise became amplified....a guy beside me was obviously upset...he kept rolling his chair back and forth...a couple times I thought he was going to crash into me....I became "super-sensitive" to what he was doing....along with all of the information....and then the "surreal" feeling that this information was being spewed out but nothing was going to be resolved to help any of the issues...etc....

also - when it was my turn to speak and I spoke with emotion - I saw people talking, and one girl started to laugh.....(I felt confused) because I couldn't tell if it was directed toward me or maybe she was laughing at something else....

I really wish that I could turn myself off somehow.....

anyway....

the class is over.....and next week it will be strictly accounting and computer classes.....thank G!! !

p.s. thanks for understanding and relating I'm feeling better, plus I am now sitting in a quiet environment in candle light......my ears are not throbbing quite so much now

When I went to college, I was in my late 30' until my middle 40's. I didn't know I was an Aspie at the time, but I took some "professionality" courses in my junior years where the content of what the 'group' worked on didn't matter at all. Actually, we were being taught how groups work, how different people in life work in groups, and the point was intended for us to develop our own work style was and develop a style of how we will work with other styles we met in the group.

Of course, I did not know this at the time, and I exhibited all my glitches and quirks I couldn't supress or control and those I didn't even know about. It has taken me the luxury of looking back on my experience to see that now.

Merle

I may not have understood - but it sounds like another small course I took, which had to do with people's different work styles....they called it "colours"...

the colours were: blues, oranges, greens, and yellows - and each colour had a different approach and particular strength to offer in a group or work situation.....

I thoroughly enjoyed this course - it turned out I am a green/orange....which the instructor said was unusual....go figure.. - but I had a lot of fun in the class and did manage to learn a lot.....and my quirks did come out - but they were viewed in a very positive light....

I wish so much that another aspie could have been in the class I described today.....it's so difficult to describe how aweful it was......

I don't think that anyone enjoyed the class - and the instructor was abusive....

for example: On Monday - our group was asked to answer a question posed by the instructor....she centered me out - and I respectfully declined and asked that another member of my group speak.....as the other member was thinking of how to answer, she hesitated for a moment and before she could answer the instructor abruptly cut her off: and said and I quote: " your group has lost its turn" and she turned to the next group to answer the question.

This was humiliating and I approached the instructor and asked if I could speak to her in private. She accused me of "ignoring" her and then:

when I was speaking she became agitated, raised her voice and Actually "clapped her hands together right in front of my face".......
I almost jumped out of my skin......
I won't go on......but I have never in my life had an instructor "clap her hands in front of my face".....
I can't even imagine ever doing that to anyone.....

there is more...but it's enough for now....

I really need to know if this was abusive or it was just me being too sensitive to an instructor clapping her hands in my face.....

when I told her not to ever do that again...
she accused me of being rude....

OMG - am I nuts???

so then I said: I felt I had the right to say how I felt....

then she told me that she claps her hands when she wants someone to listen to her.....

(am I nuts?)
because I don't think that is "professional" and I can't understand how this person was trusted or hired to teach "professionalism in the workplace"....

all I know is that I feel so battered over this...

I'm also worried - because I don't want to seem like I'm a whiner....or a baby who has a victim mentality.....

I only wish that: number one: I could have handled the hand clapping

number two: the noise, pandemonieum.....the intense focus on super-sensitive subject matter and:

number three: I wish I was a NT

I love learning, I love computers, and math...

and now I'm scared that I shouldn't be posting this on this thread...

I am so confused right now - it's ridiculous....

sorry

I really need to know if this was abusive or it was just me being too sensitive to an instructor clapping her hands in my face.....

when I told her not to ever do that again...
she accused me of being rude....


you know, tahloola. . . this whole thing indicates you were not aware of your facial expressions or your body language. Your probably non mobility of your face, or what ever 'expression' how you were unknowingly holding your face was all she was reading. As laughable as it is, she was trying to 'get you to 'snap out of it!'.

yeah, she has no idea how to be with a body language deaf/mute.

Merle

Just don't take any of it personally. Next semester she'll be treating someone else the same way. One thing I find at college is the lecturers seem to misread my body language in class. They think I'm not interested, or have mastered the technique of looking attentive but not paying attention. Everything in the NT world is theatrical. When you walk into the lecture theatre, give her a huge smile and note the difference in her behavior during the class.

sinsboldly wrote:

that makes sense; because she also accused me of ignoring her.....which I didn't understand - until I thought about it....because when she asked me to speak up....I had put my head down to think about how to respond - I know this because she told me I put my head down...which she interpreted as ignoring her...........when what I was doing was trying to keep up with the fast - super fast pace - and I was trying to process how to respond...

the whole thing is so complicated.......

but I still feel that clapping hands in front of my face (especially since I am a mature student - was completely disrespectful.....but also "a very agressive and threatening gesture.

.......to add more to this story....during the presentation on capital punishment the group was explaining in detail..the various ways they execute people along with pictures....there was a picture of a women being prepared to be "stoned".....she (the instructor) interupted the presentation to tell a story of her father - who apparently was in the military and lived in Saudi Arabia. She told us that he was and I quote: "invited to a stoning and could not refuse so he attended"....she went on to say that he kept his eyes closed during the entire thing......
(correct me if I'm wrong - but this just does not sound true to me......) and it sounds sick....

I can't sleep right now - I keep seeing the expression on the women's face in the picture...

I have prayed and begged God so many times to help me not to take things personally....because I don't want to have this picture flash over and over in my mind.....and I want to go to sleep....

Pobodys_Nerfectsaid
I tried so hard to do that....sit very still and tried so hard to be respectful and attentive - and all the while feeling like I was being poisoned by words (dramatic - but that's how it felt) and another student beside me was so visibly agitated he was rolling his chair up and down - I was tempted to tell him I was going to take the wheels off of his chair....at one point he almost crashed into me....I know I wasn't alone in being upset.....

But right now it feels like I'm being the "navel-gazer" again....or the poor baby victim....I feel so trapped in this world - I can't seem to bring myself out of reliving these images....I see them...over and over...like I am consumed...

and yet - am afraid I will be perceived as "totally narcissistic"....but it hurts so much I need some support.....I guess that's what they call a "quandry"...

That's unacceptable that she clapped her hands in your face. What I do every night in order to sleep, is I listen to relaxing music on my MP3 headphones. I wake up with it wrapped around me and the player digging into my back. Otherwise I lie in bed thinking and worrying for hours.

that's what I did last night....worried.......until about 4 a.m.

I can't stand to have earphones on though.....I can't even listen to those alpha/beta whatever tapes that are supposed to help your brain slow down for sleep....they have the opposite effect on me....and aggravate me....

what helps me is to read a book: but about the only fictional writer I can tolerate at the moment is: "Wilber Smith"....

0: You aren't. I'd consider dropping the class. The teacher is an ass. The handclapping was invasive. You probably can't protest that though.
1: I don't know if there is a good response to that. What would *anyone* say? "Thanks"???
2: blah
3: :(

Tahloola, I don't know what to say except that many facets of our educational system are run poorly and/or inefficiently. But I feel I most note my weariness on something that you and many others on this site do: you note something illogical or annoying and wonder "why the NT's do it" as if most students - NT, AS, or otherwise - don't hate group projects or whatever irritating task is the subject matter.

Group projects are kind of cool. Either you're one who carries the group along, in which case you're the hero, or you're one who is carried along by the group, in which case you are saved.

I had a group project in Comp Sci II where I did pretty much everything and didn't mind at all.

In other words, they used you.