Start of freshman year

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So yesterday I officially moved into college and it has been okay (I'm still alive )

I've met some people that seem friendly but I am having trouble on deciding if I am being too much of a bother or I should try to knock on their door and hang out (because at least they are someone). My roommate is from China and knows little English which has it's plus and minuses. It's good because she is quiet and I do not have to constantly engage with her but at the same time I am still unsure what to say. I don't want to ignore her but it feels so awkward at times.

On Tuesday I am meeting with a woman that runs an Autism program on campus for autistic and Aspie students. I'm very excited as this is a huge relief however I do wish it would come sooner. Would you recommend me telling my RA about my Aspergers or other people I meet that I have Aspergers or is it better not to? I am worried that if I do tell them they will judge me and fall back on stereotypes of Aspergers.

Thank You!

It may not be bad to tell the RA. Just let the RA know that this is a private thing between you and the RA. As for the other students on your floor, I would suggest it be on a need to know basis (you should consider telling your roommate but not anyone else unless they need to know).

Now, this is over 10 years ago that this occurred but one of the students on my floor had sensory issues related to loud music. He had the RA inform everyone so that he could be warned about any parties. Some students on the floor decided to warn him by writing the warning calling him brain damaged boy and drawing the picture of a broken spine. Again, this was years ago but consider the maturity level of the average college student today in whether others should know or not.

My NT daughter just started college a week ago. She has been historically outgoing and extremely sure of herself, and you are ALREADY doing better than she is at college!

Just the idea to knock on people's doors and just hang out -- there is nothing wrong with that, and it's actually a good thing that you are doing that we've been trying to get our daughter to do, and she's very slow to try it. I agree that telling your RA is a good thing, but don't tell anyone else about being on the spectrum just yet. You want to give people a fair chance to get to know you, and any information that you give to people should be done slowly and naturally, and on a need-to-know basis. There's no need to give out too much information about yourself too soon.

I do think it is very difficult to have a foreign roommate, but again, it sounds as if you are handling that well. You can make an effort to help her integrate socially, but you also have to think of yourself and make sure that you can make friends without her around too.

Hey thanks schleppenheimer and demeus for your advice. Sorry it took me so long to respond to you, the internet just started working in our dorms the other day. I decided to tell my RA and she was very understanding, she told me that if I ever needed an extra push with socialization that she would help me. I didn't tell any of my floormates or my roommate as I agree that they should get a chance to know me and that I should tell them about my Aspergers when I feel completely comfortable with them.

When I met with the lady who runs the Autism program at my school she told me that two other people on my floor are also part of it . I'm really excited about the program and everyone who is runs it seems really nice. Just now I was talking to one of the guys that is part of the program and he is really nice.

What you want to do is to make a medium social offer and then graciously accept either a yes or a no. Let's say you're taking calculus or chemistry or some other class which has problems to work, and let's suppose you have briefly chatted with a classmate before class. Then perhaps after class

'Would you like to hit the library and look at a couple of these problems?'

The person might say yes, they might say no, and either way is perfectly okay. And in the library, after perhaps two problems, 'alright, maybe one more, then I'm going to need to start getting ready for my next class. This is some hard stuff, but let's do one more.' (both gentle and matter-of-fact) So, you do one more, you graciously thank the person, then you leave. It may have only been 20 minutes. That's probably ideal (although with wide latitude either side, life is so much more interesting when it's not ideal!). For 20 minutes is a long time to sit and concentrate on problems with a stranger, and that's essentially what a new classmate is at the beginning, a stranger. It takes a lot of social energy and it takes a lot of intellectual energy.

Now, kind of the zen of it is that you need to be able to gently 'de-people' before you can confidently meet new people. That is, you're not going to like everyone and that's okay. You need a way to gently (or matter-of-factly) decline future overtures. (If the person turns out not to be that good a study partner, perhaps say something like, Thanks, but this one I'm going to need to do by myself.)

With dorm mates,

'Would you like to go get a soda?' The person might say yes, might say no, either one is okay.

A walk with a small activity is an excellent way to get to know people.

If you know the people a little, 'Hey, you guys going down to get something to eat?'

'Hey, you want to go down and shoot some pool?'

Try and keep it light. I know I struggle with that! And that, too, is the zen of it all.