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Ddddd
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10 Jan 2012, 2:11 pm

Hypothetical - if you have AS, and your parents don't know about it. And they know you're 'different' 'special' and force you into making friends, whose parents also force them to be friends with you.
And when you misbehave or don't behave the way you should, you get punished, like a slap or verbally abused whenever you did something wrong.
They control your social life until you are 17-18 and are still strict (not doing groceries without their permission, not going out, no cell phones, no calling, 1h of computer a day, lots of yelling, etc) and when you're 18, they give you total freedom.

How would you imagine your life? Would you behave more like a NT under pressure, even as a 4/5/6/7-year-old kid? Or would this way of raising a NT child lead them into behaving like a AS when they grow up?



DarthMaul
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10 Jan 2012, 3:31 pm

Ddddd wrote:
Hypothetical - if you have AS, and your parents don't know about it. And they know you're 'different' 'special' and force you into making friends, whose parents also force them to be friends with you.
And when you misbehave or don't behave the way you should, you get punished, like a slap or verbally abused whenever you did something wrong.
They control your social life until you are 17-18 and are still strict (not doing groceries without their permission, not going out, no cell phones, no calling, 1h of computer a day, lots of yelling, etc) and when you're 18, they give you total freedom.

How would you imagine your life? Would you behave more like a NT under pressure, even as a 4/5/6/7-year-old kid? Or would this way of raising a NT child lead them into behaving like a AS when they grow up?


Thinking about it... Probably so, but I'm not sure how that would have them behaving like an Aspie would. Care to explain?

And my mom shelters me... So, you might be on to something here.



Ddddd
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10 Jan 2012, 4:03 pm

NT behaving like an AS
The social part: If your parents take care of all the social parts in your place, like choosing your friends, who you meet, when you meet, you'd never learn to do those things in the same way people your age do.
If your parents by example, befriend 2 other parents and let those kids meet up often, but don't really let them meet anyone else, maybe they wouldn't learn everything, every social 'rule' cause they'd make up their own :)
Okay they'll meet other people at school but it'd be more logic for them to be with each other all the time so because of their clique they miss out a lot of contact with other kids. I don't think this would make any major differences BUT in combination with other consequences of too strict parents there could be more things, like:
Your parents only let you meet those few people, they've got high standards for friends, only want smart kids with a good influence (I remember how my parents forbid me to meet kids who weren't that smart at school or were difficult). This means you've got a lot of time alone, or with an older or younger sibling, but when you're young they're totally different. So you're going to find your own things to do, before you know it you're all into one thing, and your parents support you for being 'smart' because you know a lot for your age.
But when you're older and go to high school, you're going to lose contact with those friends if they go to different schools, because your parents don't take too much effort anymore to make you meet your friends. In your own, new high school your parents don't know how to meet up with the other parents, so you'll have to take care of yourself for the first time; maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, but because your parents don't trust your friends (they don't know them) you can't meet them, and even if you can meet them, it wouldn't be often (imagine you're 14 now, starting to go through puberty, start to rebel again, your parents are probably going to blame your new friends) and because you can't see them much after school, you'll again miss out a lot of new things to learn about being social and acting around other people.
It could make you very insecure too and after a while probably socially awkward, even when your parents eventually give you permission to do anything you want - you missed a big part of learning to be a social, spontanious kid against your will



schleppenheimer
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10 Jan 2012, 5:41 pm

You bring up some good points here.

I'm a parent, so I know how it feels for them (but probably not as much for you). All I know is, I'd be thrilled if my child would bring anybody home, whether they were a good influence or not. I'd just be happy he had made the effort to work at a reciprocal friendship, rather than never even thinking of inviting somebody home. Once the kid got here, THEN I would work on the "maybe he's not all that appropriate" stuff -- and even then, right now, I'm kind of of the opinion that any friend is better than no friend. I know most parents might not agree with me, but that's how I feel. I figure, just because a kid brings a somewhat inappropriate kid home with him doesn't mean YOUR CHILD will turn out to always do inappropriate things...



Bun
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10 Jan 2012, 5:44 pm

Ddddd wrote:
Hypothetical - if you have AS, and your parents don't know about it. And they know you're 'different' 'special' and force you into making friends, whose parents also force them to be friends with you.
And when you misbehave or don't behave the way you should, you get punished, like a slap or verbally abused whenever you did something wrong.
They control your social life until you are 17-18 and are still strict (not doing groceries without their permission, not going out, no cell phones, no calling, 1h of computer a day, lots of yelling, etc) and when you're 18, they give you total freedom.

How would you imagine your life? Would you behave more like a NT under pressure, even as a 4/5/6/7-year-old kid? Or would this way of raising a NT child lead them into behaving like a AS when they grow up?

Are you talking about your parents?

It sounds like you know my mum. :twisted: She didn't restrict me as much though, but there were similar 'punishments' and verbal coercion.



Ddddd
Deinonychus
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10 Jan 2012, 7:41 pm

okay yeah it's about my parents :)



DarthMaul
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10 Jan 2012, 9:24 pm

Bun wrote:
Ddddd wrote:
Hypothetical - if you have AS, and your parents don't know about it. And they know you're 'different' 'special' and force you into making friends, whose parents also force them to be friends with you.
And when you misbehave or don't behave the way you should, you get punished, like a slap or verbally abused whenever you did something wrong.
They control your social life until you are 17-18 and are still strict (not doing groceries without their permission, not going out, no cell phones, no calling, 1h of computer a day, lots of yelling, etc) and when you're 18, they give you total freedom.

How would you imagine your life? Would you behave more like a NT under pressure, even as a 4/5/6/7-year-old kid? Or would this way of raising a NT child lead them into behaving like a AS when they grow up?

Are you talking about your parents?

It sounds like you know my mum. :twisted: She didn't restrict me as much though, but there were similar 'punishments' and verbal coercion.


It sounds like he knows my mom, too. :lol:
Yeah... And that passive-aggressive thingy. *shudders* Guilt trips suck, dude.



Briana_Lopez
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27 Feb 2012, 5:49 pm

My parents didn't know about my AS until I was 10. So in order for her to raise the "prefectly normal" child she expected me to be, my mom had to force me to have a social life when I was little. And if I made the slightest mistake,since she nit-picked at every little detail of my life that she's witnessed, I would get slapped by my mom, scolded at, and punished or beat by my dad (which happened waay too long ago for me to remember). She tries to control my current social life because she thinks I'm hangning out with some of the wrong people. Hey, she wanted me to be social -___- Now that I'm older and I have 6 younger siblings, I've learned that when your the only child with autism in the house, you get treated worse and your expectation levels shoot through the roof. My parents give my siblings lower standards about their grades and their behavior. But I'm expected to be the genius of the family as well as play sports, be the religious one, the one to throw under the bus anytime, the most social one, the family maiid, and the most mature. It's difficult, especially being an aspie, but I make it all work somehow. The thing that I find wrong is that my mom will get my siblings whatever they want, when they want it, and they don't do squat to deserve it. I'm the most hard-working child, and how do I get treated? Like a piece of trash. I feel like she discriminates me just because I'm autistic. So yeah, I can so relate to this thread.