Do Your Classmates know you have Asperger's?

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Hello,

My 7 year old son has asperger's and I'm wondering whether or not we should tell some of his classmates.

We are working hard on his social skills, but he loves to wrestle fight with other kids and he gets to rough. When they complain or cry he laughs at them. If I'm there I try to get him to apologise but he refuses.

Also he's going through a stage of calling everybody maniac, dufus and crazy. He thinks it's hilarious, but some of his classmates get upset. When I try to explain to him that they don't like it he doesn't believe me because he thinks it's so funny.

The kids have been accepting of his different ways so far. When he's done weird stuff before in class the other kids just say, "Oh, Daniel's just different"

However as the other kids are getting older, they're getting more annoyed with him.

My husband and the guidance officer say that we absolutely should not tell any of the classmates because he'll stand out. But he stands out with his different behaviour anyway.

My instinct is that I should tell some of the kids - a couple of the girls are very kind and helpful when he has meltdowns.

Daniel only has 1 friend at school (and that's fine by me). This friend knows about his Asperger's and the friends's mum knows. She has done lots of research on the net and has been lovely.

So I thought I'd ask other kids, do your classmates know?

If your classmates know have they been more accepting and helpful?

I would love your stories and advice so I know what I should do.

Thanks
Smelena

P.S. I have asked Daniel whether he wants his classmates to know and he's just said, 'I don't know'.

"Oh, Daniel's just different" is all that most of them are realistically going to understand.

If you want them to know something specific about his behavior, tell them that. Sharing the "Asperger's" label with them won't aid their understanding. It'll just lead to namecalling.

A few I talk to yes.

As I'm not as Aspie as Daniel is, so saying I have AS isn't that big of a deal, but Daniel is a bit of a harder case. I think one way is to just say that Daniel has the following troubles, but not use the label. I'm no expert in this so that's all I can give.

When I was a kid, no one knew what AS was.

I think you shouldn't tell his classmates that he has AS. When I was your son's age, I was a bit 'crazy' as well, but now I realize what I've done wrong.

I don't,but I think they think somethings "wrong" with me...

People just saw me as being different. I had AS bad back then, and I still do. I had temper tantrums all the time, and I was teased a lot. No one knew what was wrong with me. Mum has told people, such as teachers, that I have Asperger's. I don't go to school now though, so it's not such a big deal for me.

I would not tell the class. I think it could open up a really big can of worms. When my son was 8, we homeschooled, but we sent him to Cubs. He did not get along with the others very well at first, but we kept him in as my husband said the other boys would "put him in his place". We did however join the group as leaders to make sure that nothing got out of hand. When something happend, similar to your son, and his peer did not appreciate it, and our son did not seem to "connect" that what he was doing was causing problems, we would remove him and "discuss" the situation. We would say point blank "what are you doing?" "Does the other person like that?" "What did they say? Did they laugh or do anything that suggested they liked that?" "You need to stop, it may be _____ to you, but it is not to them, you are upsetting them".

In time, it worked pretty well. He was really off the wall at 8, but just a little awkward right now. Is it possible at school to get some level of intervention? Even if it is just a recording of an "incident" in a daily communication log?"

This might be a story you are interested in seeing: http://www.theboyinside.com/index.php?q=node/29
The boy is 12, and the mother does a documentry of his life for a full year. My understanding is that it gets so bad they actually place him in foster care for a few days. They just have a clip on the website, but it is interesting, I wish I could get a copy of the full movie, I missed the presentation date...

My 10-year-old Aspie son's teacher gave me 30 minutes to talk to his class, and my son says it has been very helpful. I started out with asking the kids to tell me things where people can be different, and wrote them up on a whiteboard (things like color of hair, some people like Star Wars, etc.), and then I told them that Ian was different, too, because he has AS. However, he is also very much the same. What are some of the things that make us all the same? Then the kids volunteered answers, and I listed those, too. Then I told them that Ian even though Ian had AS, he was just like them. Then I told them a little bit about AS and what it is like to have AS. Then I asked the kids the kind of things they like and what makes them happy. Again, we made a list, but this time I made sure that the kids put on their list "having friends". I went through each item on the list, one-by-one and said (for example), Ian also likes swimming, Ian also likes to go to Disneyland, etc. Then I paused at the last one and said, "And Ian also likes to have friends." I was silent for a moment, and looked at each child in the class, and you could see them "get it." Then, at the very end, I made a list. I wrote down the names of Bill Gates, Dan Akkyrod, Abraham Lincoln, Michaelangelo, and Einstein, then asked the kids who these people were. Then I asked what they had in common. No one knew. And I said, "they are all great people in history who have accomplished great things in life and for our fellow man, and they all have or had Asperger Syndrome --- just like Ian." You should have seen the looks on the faces of those kids - pure amazement.

Again, Ian says it really helped him. He says kids offer to help him with things, and they ask him to play while he is on the playground. And these are things that were not happening before I spoke to his class. He has also asked me to talk to his cub scout group, although those kids already accept him for the way he is so I don't think I will, but the point is, he is glad that I did it, and wants me to do it again. And if it helped him, then I feel good about doing it.

I don't know if this helps you or not, but I thought I'd give you my two cents.

Good luck!

For all the adults posting in here, I would suggest that we take the discussion up to the parents forum. This is supposed to be a place for kids. Watch it, by all means (as some of the mods are watching it) but don't post unless you see something going on that needs intervention, and then, bring it to the attention of a mod.
Thanks.
Btdt

most of the girls do i also have adhd

No none knows (apart from teachs) But im bullied so bad mums movin my school. My only advice is the fact mums found out when i say "i dont know" that i dont want to talk about it. Im only ten so im wrong i just want you to know that i get bullied loads im refered to as Spastic,Demented,gay,mental and loads of other crule stuff. Other advice would be the fact that, if your sons behaviuor is deteriorating that you may want to see if he is bullied coz i was fine untill i moved school know my behaviour has dramatically changed coz of the way im bullied. My mum offered telling class about my problem but we wern't so sure. look on the bright side all aspies are unique and normally very clever at certain arts. i got lvl 5 in art and 4 in english ur only supposed to get lvl 4!

Becks
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I don't know if they do or not.I don't think any of my classmates know what aspergers is.Lol.

only my teachers and two of my freinds.

I told my best friend who I have known since kindergarten, but my teachers and even my boyfriend don't know. I know I'll have to tell him eventually because it's already been six months. He sees that I'm different and if he knew of the syndrome he would definitely be able to tell that I have it. I just hope he doesn't think it's weird and breaks up with me.