Do I leave or get fired for the first time?

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I've been working part time for a Not for Profit. It's been great initially as I needed to get out of the house after being with my son since his birth for a year. I needed the stimulation and the money wasn't too bad either I did high level property consulting before, which was lucrative and I seemed good at, but hated sales as I battle to close. (No chit chat skills etc.) Then did my own thing for a year in biofuels, goverment contracts didn't materialise as promised...

I am intelligent, creative and driven and have a knack for connecting people to things or people they need to make the changes necessary in their lives/businesses. Just don't ask me to forge the deepening of a relationship. If I open the door, you walk in. I'll watch.

The organisation I work now for was gr8 as they said they needed to move to the next place as it was stagnant and needing new ideas. That what my boss SAID she wanted.. But when I came on board, I created new projects, took existing ones and made them lift right off and enthusiastically made waves. That didn't really go down as well as anticipated.

Maybe she feels threatened by the change or maybe I'm too overpowering. She's constantly bullying me. Not thanking me when opening doors with media partners etc. Not that I need the credit, I have a strong sense of self-worth. It's a symptom of a bigger issue in her (such as insecurity) is what I'm thinking. She's an intelligent woman and she started the org. from the ground. No issues with her intellectual capacity.

I've been honest about my inability to close, and have asked her to take the projects I've done up to 99% and hand them over to appropriate staff or complete them herself if they are management level, but that's also not happening.

I'm extremely frustrated as I initiate projects or take action on ones she asks me t, only for her not to complete it once it leaves my hand. Or not signing off ones I need rubber-stamped. Sits in the in-tray for weeks! V scattered and unfocused. She keeps losing her cool with me by speaking in a bombastic and attacking manner, which I don't stand for anymore. Today I literally requested that she checks her tone! Never done that before, always just got red in the face and exploded in private.

We have a major project with media and fundraising which I'm driving at present and today I'm thinking maybe she'll keep me on board to complete that, but then let me go. I can't bring myself to abandon ship at this critical juncture as many people are involved. I feel trapped and in a stressed out place, where my potential cannot be fulfilled due to her blocking my efforts.

What to do...

do you feel you can discuss your concerns with your employer? surely she can be professional and look past the personal differences to see you're good for the org? sounds like you've been v honest with her so far, perhaps a neutral/external party could moderate?

stay. secure a new job before leaving this one if you do choose to leave. suck up to your boss

In my experience, people who gravitate toward management positions invariably have issues with people who either

A: introduce creative ideas that they themselves cannot mentally 'connect' with, and/or

B: whose abilities make them feel one-upped (in that you come up with ideas they couldn't think of and don't quite get, but that are looked upon with approval by others in the organization).

It makes them very testy and insecure and they will begin their plot against you long before most Aspies even see the storm on the horizon. Pack your parachute now - start sending out resumes and making calls.

Having a meeting with this person to discuss differences will only precipitate your departure. This sort of personality is not interested in honesty and communication. Don't ever be naive enough to believe that. They are concerned only with what makes them look good to their superiors and what gets them a rung higher up the power-and-money ladder.

As far as 'sucking up' goes. B***h, puh-leeeze, Aspies are not born with the @ss-kiss gene. That's not even an option.

As humiliating as it is, in terms of mere survival, being fired is always a better option than getting upset and quitting (at least in the US). All the while that you're working, your employer is required to pay in 'unemployment insurance' - if they fire you for anything that was not clearly your fault, you have a right to that money - it's part of your salary, so don't hesitate to take advantage of it while you look for something else.

I haven't had these experiences in a job, so I don't know if my advice is valid for you.

From what you have wrtten I would think that there may be a need to talk but as Willard said, perhaps it would be a good idea to get those C.V.'s sent to people/jobs just in case she stays hostile. I suggest to do this quietly if possible though (the job search, not the talk). Good luck.

Thank you Willard, in SA we have the CCMA that steps in to ensure fair practice, but only after unfair dismissal. It takes months to finalise though and unfair dismissal can be difficult to prove. So what employers do id to make it hell to stay.

I'll start sending them CV's immediately. I wonder how to get past the fact that I haven't been here for long. Will that count against me? Also difficult to answer this question from new employers: "why did you leave so soon" with any integrity. I'd love to tell them the truth, but being an Aspie means I've seen people don't really want the truth.

Also, what should I do to identify these kind of bullies in future so as not to be in this position again? I want a boss to be with my best potential and to help us all make great things happen, not clip my wings and then sit on me for good measure.

Anyway, thanks again for the advice. It's great to speak freely to kindred spirits.

I usually try to talk things through first, but I have tried an open meeting last week before my mail and she uses my openness against me. So no, in this case I have to agree with Willard. I get the sense that she is ready to pounce, but can't as I am an integral part and driver of the May 28th event.

For example: today I told her about a therapist that is in the same building as us who volunteered to help at our event. She also volunteered to advise, if wanted, on the revamp of our toddler play area as she is an Occupational Therapist and works with this age group daily. Not only was my boss not interested in meeting her, she ignored the invite, she also rejected a gift of perfect long wooden boxes/benches which will be perfect for toddler to use as props to "cruise". (she asked me to get a carpenter to quote her for two new ones last week!). She shot the gift down before properly understanding what it was.

So yes, I'm out of here and will resign in about 2-3 weeks as a 2 week notice period is all that's due. I will then be able to complete the project in integrity and not become another casulaty of ego-based decision making.

Make sure its not your AS paranoia threat sesnor (that's the medical term) going ape like mine does.

You might be misreading things completely wrong (like i do)

Anyway its NFP so i doubt they pay that well, start looking. Your happiness is more important then stress

Lol, yes that paranoia does get out of hand sometimes and I hear you. Today she was all nice, but you know this is the first time I've been in a hostile environment with a woman boss so I guess this is how they get. Hormonal. One day nice, one day bitchy. I'm just not there for it. I have enough weirdness to deal with just being me, two maniacs and it can get a bit crowded at work.

Willard : I think I will frame your post and repeat it like a mantra everyday.

Lady Juliette, I am so glad you posted this. I am in the EXACT same situation with my job. In fact tomrrow I expect to be called out infront of my co-workers and fired or made an example of because I tried to unite the co-workers and devise ways to make our jobs better.... and it was seen as me creating a mutany by our boss.

It's a huge long ordeal; but I know exactly how you feel. It hurts to be hired on to "make things better" then our ideas and work be thwarted by the very people asking for our help.

~hugs~ ya know... I think Willard needs to do a course on "surviving the workplace for Aspies." I would totally sign up.

As for now, it doesn't hurt to look into the EEOC.

Let us know how it turns out I wish you luck.

Dear dyp

I am so there with what you have said about Willard. Also remember that "AS paranoia threat sesnor (that's the medical term)" qoute by Courage.. can be at work here like it is for me s-o-o-o often. If your boss does decide to fire you he'd have to prove that you had malicious intent to harm the company if I'm not mistaken. I'm not sure about labor practices where you live. In South Africa invoking mutiny is basically an employee's right (joke).

Just to keep you in the loop. I wrote a very diplomatic letter to my boss stating that I'm not available for the postion she assumes I will take. She labelled my position a Marketing and Communications coordinator, which I'm not. I do Operations, Project and Events Management and much else besides with some Marketing thrown in. I said that I am a manager and that I feel that my skills are not fully utilsed in the micro-managed goal setting document she gave me and that I prefer to have clearly defined OUTCOMES and will set my own goals. I offered to step aside for her to find a more suitable candidate (i resigned in essence). I thanked her for the opportunity and just left it at that.

She was very emotional on reading the letter. She also did a complete about-turn in the way she treats me. For the past 2 days at work she was amicable and stopped the constant rants. I'm amazed, maybe she needed to realise I'm not a doormat and I created that illusion by being so accomodating of her anger at first. But the lines are redrawn and she offered me a permanent position and a directorship today. I probably won't be able to take full advantage of that offer as my priority is still to spend afternoons with my son, but wow!

She's also taken advice from me and she will provide me with planning details of what she thinks we need as outcomes for me to strategise around. So all well on that front. I have much more creative freedom to decide how to achieve and we will decide together how to keep me within the company's structure. I'm essentially designing my job description now.

I think I'm in a good position now. Any ideas on turnaround management will be welcomed here Willard .