Hi I am new, I just discovered I have AS due to one too many fights with my husband who, it turns out, has equal parts NT and AS traits.
I got my MS in computer science about 5 years ago. While I was in school I found that I am good at programming, but only if I can "stay in the zone" which means doing it for hours on end, staying up all night, etc. I have learned that for most software developers, 80-hour work weeks and redonkulous deadlines are a way of life, and the entire career seems to cater to singles, and people who can do that w/out repercussions in their family life.
My first job after graduating was one of those rare situations where I could do work I enjoyed and also have a life, unfortunately it lasted less than a year before the company closed up shop. My present job allows me to work 40 hours a week and have a normal life. But I don't do enough programming, my skills are deteriorating, I hate the busywork I have to do, and the pay's about half as much as I could be making. As far as I can tell I have to choose between DH and being a "real" programmer. It is very hard not to walk away sometimes, though I love him and do not want to end our relationship. I would even be happy with supporting him, as in he wouldn't have to work at all, but the NT part of him just cannot deal with me putting in the hours that would require.
As for me, I was actually happier when I was in grad school and working non-stop, school assignments were an excuse for me to stay up all night focusing on my interests. He grudgingly lived with it because school was a finite situation that would end. I'm eventually going to have to get a better paying job, its just a matter of time. Now that we both are aware of AS I am hoping we can work out a way to deal with this when the time comes. For now, I enjoy my less-complex interests, such as sci-fi and caring for our cats, in my spare time. I would do open-source programming to help keep my skills up to date, but this is where AS rears its ugly head - I can't do it unless I can focus on it obsessively, to the exclusion of almost all else. In fact it is so hard for me to switch gears, that I don't even have any desire work on a coding project for an hour or so a day, pulling myself away is just too painful once I get absorbed. I know I'd just "disappear" as he puts it and it would lead to more fights. He also has sleep issues - maybe his own AS traits? - he can't sleep if I don't go to bed at the exact same time as him, but he doesn't like sleeping in separate beds either. I don't know what we'd do if we had kids, so its a good thing we don't and never will.
If you read this far, thanks for letting me rant! I would love to hear from other Aspies with similar concerns and how you are dealing with it. DH and I are just coming to terms with AS, this is challenging enough. So my job problems are kind of on the back burner, which is probably just as well given the current economy.
23 Jun 2009, 12:08 pm
I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man ! 
