A negative job placement coordinator/job coach

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I have worked for a company for nearly 7 years and I was placed there by two job coaches. One of these job coaches is a woman in her middle-ages. She doesn't supervise me when I work anymore since I am not on their list anymore. However, she comes in to visit and see if there are any problems.

Here visits are often negative experiences, while standing too close to her clients. I have often talked about how successful our sales have been on the job. However, she has said something negative such as, "That's good otherwise you wouldn't have a job." I also complained about her behavior much earlier this year for coming up to me and calling me a "Miss Priss," instead of my name. I had also had some issues with the owner of the company and a meeting was called. After the meeting was over, she pulled me to the said and talked to me in which I was crying. She said, "You better watch it because your boss easily gave you your job and she could easily take it away."

She also treats me like a half a person and really has done nothing for me other than place me in a job somewhere else. I also feel like I have to pretend to be someone with a severe disability like down-syndrome. She has also told another new co-worker not to ask myself and another co-worker who was the new lead not to ask us anything about showing her the ropes.

I finally sent and e-mail to the office manager about her behavior because today was the last straw. Does anyone think I am taking this too extreme?

While I wasn't there and can only base my reply on that which you have conveyed, I think there may be other ways to interpret her behavior. She may have her own social issues, or you two may have a personality conflict.

For example, might it be possible that when she said "That's good otherwise you wouldn't have a job." that she didn't mean it as a hostile remark to you. I could very much see myself or someone else with AS saying something like this, as a failed attempt at being conversational, and possibly even establishing some sort of camaraderie. Perhaps whatever she meant to say came out wrong. Perhaps what she really meant to express was "Excellent! I know the boss wouldn't have been happy if you didn't and I wouldn't want you to get fired." And perhaps while she is saying she is empathizing with how horrible you would feel if you got fired.

Concerning calling you "Miss Priss" could she have meant it light heartedly?

And what she said after the meeting with your boss: "You better watch it because your boss easily gave you your job and she could easily take it away."

Could it have been the case that she was warning you in a friendly manner because she doesn't want to see you fired?

And last, as far as telling the new person not to ask you and a co-worker to showing her the ropes, well if she is a supervisor, I imagine it might be because training new workers might be part of her job, and she may be ultimately responsible if someone is not trained properly. It may also just make her feel better to do it herself, irregardless of how qualified you or your co-worker might be.

No, her tone was pretty negative and rude which causes everyone's hair to stand on end whenever she comes in to visit. She has had several clients who have had issues with her coming in and talking like that.

Miyah, you are not "taking this too extreme."

Chronos, your attitude is typical and expected: summarily dismiss Miyah's feelings, provide an item-by-item breakdown of why Miyah is probably mistaken, and make a laundry list of excuses justifying the job coach's inexcusable behavior.

Miyah, unfortunately Chronos's attitude is so typical and so expected I would be shocked and surprised if the office manager's response is any different, assuming you receive one at all.

Sad fact of life is most people hear what they want to hear and believe what they want to believe, whether they're screwing you over or they're "only trying to help."

Miyah, you have the absolute right to your own feelings and the open expression of them. Don't ever think you need to defend yourself (even though you will be immediately put on the defensive 95% of the time when you express your feelings). All you can do is offer a silent "bleep you" and know they are not on your side even though they say they are.

I believe you have mis-interpreted. I was not aiming to dismiss Miyah's feelings. I stated at the outset that I wasn't there, thus my knowledge of the situation is limited, and Miyah has the final say in her conclusions on the situation.

I was simply presenting alternate possibilities. I feel it is important to consider alternate possibilities in such situations, and I feel that it is especially important that someone with AS do this as we do not process information in social situations as efficiently as most people. I'm sure many of us have been at the receiving end of hostilities from someone who misunderstood us as acted on their emotions before exploring other possibilities which may have lead them to our true intentions.

Chronos, I can't disagree.

My point is that as an Aspie nobody ever takes the time to consider my point of view before launching into neurotypical "alternative possibilities."

Why should I have to defend myself simply for being right? Why am I always assumed to be guilty unless otherwise proven innocent in a court of law?

In Miyah's case, she has a legitimate complaint. If she reported a crime, it would be inappropriate for the police to respond "You've got bruises but they're not evidence of an assault because that wasn't the job coach's intent in inflicting them, she was just kidding." They would find "probable cause" and thoroughly investigate.

She sounds like a b***h to me. Slap her across the face. That always works for me. It's worked throughout history. It's scientifically proven!*

*(Study done in 1856)

There seems to be something emotionally manipulative or controlling about this woman, and I base that on how you have stated she makes you feel. That type of abuse is very subtle yet highly destructive. If she doesn't mean to do that to you, then she'll appreciate finding out that she does do it, and will want to correct it. But if she means to do it, then she needs to be stopped. Either way, engaging a third party to asses the situation could be productive. Be careful to focus on how it makes you feel, so that you leave open the possibility the harm was not intentional, and aren't seen as the one trying to make trouble.

Agreed, and I highly suspect the latter is true here. Just be sure you do not make any accusations or talk specifically about her. Simply state how her *actions* make you feel, then ask for either some help in dealing with those *actions* or that *they* (those actions) be stopped. Let someone else do the deciding about that woman's character or immediate value.