Faceless accuser and "bad behaviour"

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Hello everybody, first time I have posted in a long time, I thought I had figured out how to "hide" my Asperger's. I didn't declare it on my application form because I abhor the concept of positive discrimination. I would be loathe to think I got a job because of something pretty irrelevant to the role I perform.

Recently I was pulled up by my manager for "questions over my behaviour". I asked her to cite an example so that I could know what to avoid. She could not provide anything; so I asked whether I could know who had a problem with me. This was declined to. I don't have the faintest idea what the problem is; though later in my performance review I was told that I had made a marked improvement (despite not actually making any modification). I am feeling really low over this - people appear to change their attitudes toward me on a whim. I won't invoke any of that Disability Discrimination stuff as I don't want to run to big brother to sort my issues. What can I do about this without any data to look at, or a behaviour model to follow? At this stage I felt it prudent to let them know, and they read the stuff and clearly don't actually *read* the material. Even more ironic is that my manager approached me about her son and dyslexia (which I have a mild form of, and beat via continually reading vast quantities of material) yet despite there being a (tenuous) link there, I still get treated oddly. I have been moved into a desk away from everyone so I can "focus", though in reality this makes me feel withdrawn further. People have noticed this, but I can't be bothered to entertain their enquiries as they patently don't care.

Since my life already just consists of going to work money in order to repeat the process tomorrow, I can't see the point in doing it anymore, especially given the disingenuity of the people I appear to work around. Anyone got some advice of what I can do? Or should I simply give up repeating this miserable excercise?

What is your job?

Health Insurance (British so something that you buy in addition to the National Health Service). My customers often compliment me on the way I handle their queries. I have a great telephone manner, but appalling social skills.

If they can't give you a real reason then state that such behavior is tortious interference and illegal under civil law. Also keep your diagnosis paperwork with you.

There is no such thing as a friend at the office. Just ask for examples, notate and document everything. Depending on what the law is, try taping as well if necessary.

I don't understand what tortious interference is. Read the wikipedia article, but not too revealing. I don't want to escalate things either really, as it's very much a "face that fits" office.

I concurr with Ricky5.

The gauntlet has been thrown. You are on your way out the door and management is just looking for the excuse. You are too much trouble for your supervisor so they intend to replace you with a gummy bear.

The mystery complainer is a bully. If you do not hold management's feet to the fire, the bullying will continue for you or someone else. The bully will continue to make you more difficult for management to deal with and will use management as a lever to push you out of your job.

Keep your documentation with you while at work and do your job well.

It almost happened to me in 2008. When I was diagnosed this year (at 41), I told my boss and she cried. Now the bully is on written notice for spreading malicious rumours and creating a hostile work environment and work is far more pleasant.

As much as I am mis-understood, I have noticed that for me, honesty is the best policy.

Ok, but I don't understand how to approach this. Can I simply state that I feel I am being victimised and go from there? It really comes to the final point of my OP what's the point in carrying on doing this, I feel this is simply cyclical and futile.

Borgmeister wrote:
I was pulled up by my manager for "questions over my behaviour".
I asked her to cite an example so that I could know what to avoid. She could not provide anything;
I asked whether I could know who had a problem with me. This was declined to.
I don't have the faintest idea what the problem is;
I was [later] told that I had made a marked improvement (despite not actually making any modification).
I have been moved into a desk away from everyone so I can "focus", though in reality this makes me feel withdrawn further.


You've done nothing wrong. Your boss is a coward and a bigot. Unfortunately my experience suggests Human Resources will probably believe anything she says and nothing you say because HR's first priority is protecting HR's "reputation" which is most easily accomplished by sweeping you under the rug to avoid a messy situation.

I was in a similar situation with a large employer, was ordered to undergo a psych evaluation for "dangerousness" because "my presence was unsettling," as soon as I was officially declared "not a danger to myself and others" HR fired me because I "obviously could not get along" with a coward/bigot supervisor who made vague unfounded accusations.

I was originally turned away by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, eventually got an in through a good friend who belatedly remembered a relative worked for the EEOC, after my friend briefed her on my quirks she listened to my story and accepted my case on its merits, after much mudslinging (all distressingly true but not remotely relevant to the case) bad guys' lawyers caved not because I was telling the truth (though I was), but because they realized I had taken the necessary precautions to protect my legal rights while a Human Resources middle manager's bungled attempt to cover his buttocks without senior management or legal finding out had left the organization in a legally indefensible position. They had nuttin'. I knew it all along, just took a few hellish months for them to admit it.

So of course they settled, admitted no wrongdoing, and paid me off in exchange for my signature on a confidentiality agreement for a much higher price than the HR bozo offered me for my signature on a "resignation" letter months before, which was the twelve weeks severence pay I still received because I had already agreed to it on a separate document I made sure he also signed before I politely but firmly refused to sign the "resignation" letter he wrote from me to him (depriving him of intended We Didn't Fire Him, He Quit CYA defense), which he then gave to me unsigned "in case I change my mind" (guess he didn't have a Plan B in case I didn't sign) allowing me to turn it over to the EEOC. Dumb Ass. Of course he's still employed there and was even promoted around the time my case settled.

Standard advice for those in your unenviable position: All you can do is be secure in the knowledge you are absolutely in the right and be prepared to suffer accordingly for it.

Wow.

I'll start by saying that there is no happy way to deal with this situation. I've been there. Anonymous complaints with vague issues to complain about. Put on notice about losing my job if the matter does not get better. Not knowing what or who, I become super paranoid...making things worse and the job unbearable.

Good jobs are hard to come by...even in a good economy. If you don't fight to protect yourself, then nobody else will. If you have an AS diagnosis, you have something that can protect you, but once you play any of the cards you can play, you will have escalated the situation. So, there is no clear "best answer" for this problem. Your outcome will depend heavily on how the employer chooses to deal with it. Many times, they do the "safe thing" and leave you alone. If you do your job well, they might just learn to steer wide around you. In bad cases, the employer might start looking for any way to eliminate the "liability."

1. I would be inclined to file a complaint with EEOC and be ready to file additional complaints with EEOC on anything that can remotely be seen as discriminatory. Having a "disability" means you have a means where EEOC can act. Certainly, filing the complaint means that IF you are terminated, the employer has to dot their Is and cross their Ts to establish that you were let go for something that could not be seen as retaliation or discrimination. NEVER deal with HR first. File the complaint with a copy sent to HR later (about a week), so there is no way they can preemptively terminate you (yes, that happens).

2. There is no excuse for an employer bringing up workplace issues absent specific incidents of what they have issue with. There is no excuse for an employee being able to remain anonymous unless they are your subordinate and fear reprisals. I had the "right to be anonymous" garbage used on me, and I was a probational employee with no supervisory powers.

3. Maintain a daily log of anything that seems out of the ordinary. Dates, times, people involved, specifics. I hate working in places that make this necessary, but if it's a good job (or one you can't afford to walk away from), you would rather take these "cover your ass" steps than be kicked out and when you go to complain about discrimination have no way to nail down specifics of what happened and when.

The bright side is that once you file a complaint with EEOC, most employers play nice because they know anything they do will be seen as retaliatory. If the issue is one of co-workers not "getting" you, a little education goes a long way. This is why their not giving specifics is such a cop out. You can't judge why there is a problem without knowing what the problem is in the first place.

I want to thank zero and lee for reinforcing the EEOC as a viable option.

Despite the tone of my previous missive my story had a happy ending I never would have imagined.

It's not easy being right but it's not difficult either. No second guessing. The truth is the truth, whether grown-ups want to believe it or not. I was lucky enough to find an adult to be on my side and when push came to shove an adult on the other side believed me over the scumbags he now knew he was "defending." Not altruistic, no good lawyer ever goes to court with a case he can't win. I may have been a nut, but I took great pains to ensure I was a legally bulletproof nut so I could just sit back and wait for HR to contradict himself and compromise his organization's lawyer's ability to mount a credible defense.

The final nail came when I responded to a question from my EEOC investigator by spontaneously (and accurately) recounting a conversation I had with the HR bozo several months previously. It was our last info exchange before she called back with the settlement offer days later. I think she immediately relayed my statement to the other side's lawyer, who third-degreed the HR guy, whom likely did not recall the conversation in question (no reason for him to commit it to memory at the time as he was solving his problem by making me disappear) and so made something up on the spot to CYA as he was inclined to do, which did not jibe with what I had said.

I am convinced I won when the opposing lawyer believed what I told him HR said months earlier over what HR told him HR said months earlier. Attorney took my word over his client's about what client said, plus by then he knew what I had known all along about the people with whom I had been dealing and so I had the ammo to score a decisive victory in the court of public opinion as well.

As Judge Judy says, "If you tell the truth you don't need a good memory." And as the opposing lawyer may have told the HR guy's Senior VP, "Your incompetent buffoon isn't telling the truth and doesn't have a good memory while that crazy guy is telling the truth and has a phenomenal memory (and meticulous time-stamped internal documentation to back it up) so we're bleeped and have to settle."

Always hang in there, never give up. HR made me go away but like The Three Stooges' Curly I covered the hole I already drilled in the penthouse bathroom floor with a bathmat before I left. Months later HR strolled into that bathroom only to suddenly and quite unexpectedly find himself pants-down in a heap at my feet on the basement floor.

I'll need to find the equivalent of the EEOC in England. I am terrified by the rapidity of my declining relations at work. Still no one gives me the slightest idea of what it is that I am actually doing wrong.