I just need some encouragement.

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I'm new here, and I hope you don't mind my writing something here.

My psychiatrist have given me the label of "autistic-like" which is milder than Asperger's. I have always had a very hard time at work because of my anxiety at work. I'm not sure if it is because of the PTSD or the "autistic-like" behavior. At work, I just immediately feel as if I am being stared at and analyzed constantly to see if I'm meeting my potential for the job I'm at. It's as if I'm on stage constantly giving a performance. I try so hard to follow the rules and do what I'm supposed to for my tasks at work, but the only time I can de-stress and calm down a bit is through breaking the rules or doing stuff that I'm not supposed to. It's hard for me to keep my breaks short since I prefer to hide and not be seen. It has become harder and harder for me to pretend to be normal at work with my depression and anxiety becoming more and more of an issue.

Is there any hope for me? I honestly feel as if working part-time is the furthest I can go with my career. I honestly am skeptical that I will be able to survive full-time, if I ever could. I want to be independent and support myself with my own paycheck, but wow having a job is tremendously difficult. Is there anything I could do to feel better about all of these issues? I am currently in school, and my anxiety keeps increasing the closer I am to graduation.

hiya Cherry Y
welcome to our neat little club
i also felt what you are going through, but also with a layer of cluelessness that masked the total negative impact i had on my fellow employees. the worst of all worlds. the only thing i could suggest is to see if state social services can get you tested for some spectrum disorder so you might qualify for benefits. in my local aspie meetup group there are some educated [with college degrees] people who found themselves unemployable after school, and so they get gov't bennies. you might qualify also. the thing which disqualified me was that by dint of my honorable military discharge [no matter how lousy a GI i was] that i cannot be totally disabled and thus ineligible for gov't benefits. i was homeless before i was in the army, and if there were a recognition of asperger's syndrome back then [in the "stoned age"] i might've qualified at that time, as i couldn't keep a job to save my life.