Apparently, I am unwelcome at my place of work.

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I've always thought I handled public restrooms rather well, all things considered. I have never had problems with restrooms before I worked at my current job. Previously, I only felt nervous about public restrooms if they were dirty. I haven't changed the way I use the facilities; but other guys' behaviour is making me think there is something wrong with me.

I just don't get it. I mean I understand the rules, e.g. leave elbow-room, only shake twice, don't talk unless you absolutely must, don't poop at work unless it's an emergency (especially if your place of work has a small restroom), get in and out in less than 3 minutes, and don't do "only-do-at-home" things like clip nails, brush teeth, or shave (by the way, some guys where I work do all of those things).

I follow the rules. I walk in, find a urinal, unzip, pee, shake, zip, flush, wash, dry, and walk out the door.

About two or three times per week, however, I am in the restroom when someone else walks in, and they turn around and walk back out. Sometimes I am peeing and hear someone open the door and walk in, but when I go to wash my hands there's no one else in the room. Other times (like today), I started walking toward the door, when someone opens the door, sees me, turns, and walks away. Are you really going to walk all the way to the other end of the building just to avoid me? I was on my way OUT of the room as*hole.

Am I weird? Why does just about every guy at my job do this? It sure makes me feel weird. It is actually making me more awkward feeling, which makes me appear more strange, which probably causes them to do it even more.

There shouldn't be this much anxiety with taking a god damn piss.

To stay hydrated and generally feeling healthy, while I am at work I usually drink about 3 20-ounce bottles of water per day (after finishing my coffee).

...but the behaviour of other guys in the restroom has actually made me avoid using the restroom at all while I am at work. It has actually gotten to the point that I feel so awkward, that I have started drinking less water to avoid peeing at work. Now, I only use the bathroom at work once...maybe twice per day. I sometimes ride my bike home or to the gas station just to f*****g pee. I hold it for much of the day, which makes my kidneys hurt; but it's more bearable than using the restroom here.

Things like these are making me hate going to work. I loved my job at first, but people are making me feel unwelcome; and to my knowledge, I haven't done anything to warrant that. They weren't like this until I had worked here for about 4 months. People were nice to me at first.

...and I have always been so nice to everyone. I learned every person's name, where they sit, what software they use for their jobs, I have been as helpful as I could. I have been accommodating. I go out of my way to make sure people are as satisfied as possible with the technology our company has made available.

The only thing I keep thinking is that there is a nasty rumor going around about me. Everyone, all at once, stopped saying hi when they pass my desk. Guys avoid me in the restroom. People call my boss directly for IT support, rather than send a help-desk ticket.

I think I am going to quit. It would be easier than asking every single person, "Why did you do that? Why don't you say 'hi' to me anymore? Do I make you uncomfortable? Have I done something to offend you?"

What the hell is wrong with me?! With every job I have ever had, it is good for a while and then things turn sour.

I won't just quit.

I'll find another job first; I'm not irresponsible like when I was younger.

Don't quit. I would find someone who you trust at your job and ask them if there are any rumors that are going around about you. Tell them that it seems that other co-workers have started to avoid you and you are not sure why. If there are any rumors going around then you can plan on how to diminish them.

What's the nasty rumor?

You are observing the one urinal separation right? Never pee right next to someone if at all possible.

There's def got to be more to this story than meets the eye.

Tough it out until you find something better.

For your own head and long term employment it would be good to know why this is happening.

All I can suggest is to choose someone who is likely to give you an honest answer and ask that person straight.

You may not get a true answer due to the majority rule against you or embarrassment on their part.

If you do figure this out then you can make the existing job bearable or the next one last longer.

Good luck.

I would be sorely tempted to abuse the situation if I was in that position.

For example even if I didn't have to pee, and I saw someone walking toward the mens room, than I would walk toward the mens room door to just to mess with them and see if they changed direction.

Something more subtle might be to pull something similar on them. If there is a break room where you have lunch, and one of these guys comes in, grab your stuff and leave.

Sounds to me like it has NOTHING to do with you - just some men who don't want to use a small bathroom with someone else (ANYONE) in it.

Filling your head with fear of rumours is just paranoia. Calm down. Don't assume the worst.

^^I agree with this. And I'm glad I'm a girl so I can go in a stall and there's no question about seeing somebody else's business.

If you think there is something going on about you, and if you are really sure that people are treating you differently and it's not paranoia, I would do this. Decide which of your co-workers is the least unfriendly and approach him. Say something like "Can I ask you something? I could be wrong, but I'm getting the vibe that I've either done something wrong or not done something I should have, or there is a rumor going around about me or something. If there is something I'd really like to fix it but I can't unless I know what it is. It just seems like everyone is uncomfortable around me, and I certainly don't want that. Do you have any idea what the problem might be? Of course this is just between us." And then see what he says.

He may say that nothing is wrong and then of course mention to the others that you asked and that could be the catalyst for them to change how they are acting toward you or he could tell you what it actually is. Then again, the whole thing could be your imagination, I'm prone to be paranoid about things sometimes so I totally understand.

Is there a possibility that you alienated people by too many questions or by trying to talk to them too much? I was friends with someone with AS who would always ask me tons of questions and expected answers to every single one of them even if it wasn't their business nor was it anything relevant to other conversations. Also sometimes we aspies can tend to talk too much rather than not talk at all. I tend to talk too much, but I've had someone with AS talk constantly to me and expect me to carry on a long conversation with them every time we interacted. It just got to be very overwhelming and there is no way to politely tell somebody that they are too nosey or are asking you questions like a five year old all the time or that while you like them (or at least don't dislike them) you don't want to have a long, drawn out conversation with them all the time. I'm guilty of doing that same thing to people myself, so I've been on both sides of it. Another thing we can unintentionally do is we can come across as arrogant and a know it all, especially if we correct people (which I have a lot of trouble not doing when it's a glaring error to me). You could also have some sort of a tic or stim that makes them uncomfortable.

Then again, the guys going into the bathroom may just like to go in there by themselves, may be going in to sneak a cigarette since you can't smoke inside buildings most places anymore, or some could even be going in to do drugs and can't with someone else in there.

I'd say your best bet is to ask someone and only one person, don't go around asking several if you don't get your answer. If the guy doesn't tell you what it is, say something like "Well, thank you anyway. I just really wish I knew what it was so I could fix it. At this point I'd even welcome an anonymous note!" and laugh like it's a joke, but that gets him off the hook because he can leave you one or mention it to someone else and they can leave it for you.

Good luck.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Ultimately you can not let these others guys damage your own health by not drinking enough fluids or not using the toilet when you need to.

You effectively have a private bathroom, enjoy the benefits.

Maybe its cause they noticed your uneasy... or nervous or shy in the washroom and are avoiding coming in to be nice, also I am shy in washrooms and use toilet stalls to pee and its just the way i feel comfortable .. I'm sure others are shy too. dont just jump to conclusions .

also I had the same problem with people not saying hi to me. cause they noticed I was shy and they didnt wanna "bother" me. of course i did some things to stem that by turning to them occasionally and saying hi to them and smiling on my good days.

At the end of the day, i try to remember its a job, and i'm there to make a living.

I quit recently for similar reasons as my mental health deteriorated I was alienated more and more, there are other jobs

If it's really bothering you, try finding a secluded spot outside and pee against the brick wall.

I was never nervous or uneasy until other guys started being weird.

Last week went relatively well. By today, I had almost forgotten that this was happening.

I had my 6 month performance review today. I "meet and exceed" expectations...and I got a raise. I felt great after hearing this news.

About an hour later, however, this same s**t happened again...walked in, saw me, walked back out; and now I've all but forgotten about my raise, and my overall good day before that. I tried to hurry and finish so I could get out of the bathroom and see who the hell it was this time. I wasn't fast enough. My anger grew pretty quickly.

With the confidence from my review and raise along with the anger from the bathroom incident, I walked back to my desk in a fight mode. I felt like I was gonna go kick someone's ass. As I walked to my desk I scanned the newsroom, making eye contact with each of the three guys I saw who weren't sitting. When I am in this mode, I can not only look people in the eyes, I can stare them down. It only burns a little, but I know it is more uncomfortable for them than it is me. I noticed a guy who looked at me and then looked away quickly, like I broke him, after staring him down for only a second.

It's the testosterone. When this fight mode is triggered, I can read other people. I know what they're going to do next. I know what they're thinking. I know what they're going to say, what they have done wrong, what they feel, what they're afraid of. It's like I'm an NT for a short while, but with hyper-sensing social skills and super-sharp reasoning skills .

Now I know it was him. And I know he's embarassed. He can't pee with other people in the room. I kinda feel bad for him, now that fight mode is wearing off.

The human brain is a strange thing.