I've overcome the odds and gotten a job, and I'm miserable.

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To keep this short, I was not very functional when I was younger. I had problems well into my college years. With a lot of hard work, I got my BS in computer programming, and I'm very good at it too. At the beginning of last month, I started working my first job. I'm a java developer for an insurance company. This is what everyone wanted for me. My parents, my therapist, my fiance. This is what everyone wanted.

I've been doing this for a month now. I've gone from being happy, peaceful, and zen-like to being angry and miserable and scared all the time. I'm having constant nightmares. I'm hallucinating. It's not good. No one in my life seems to understand the problems I'm having. I don't mind the work or the people. But it's all too much. I could probably work two days a week, but five? I'm losing my mind. I haven't been okay for a month. I hate everyone and everything and I feel trapped. But I can't live on disability and food stamps. They don't pay enough.

I don't know what to do here. I'm not even exactly sure what the problem is. I can't do this for much longer, but I'm trapped.

The first month of a job is always exhausting because of the steep learning curve, having to figure out so much new stuff. As you get used to the routine it doesn't use up all your energy just to survive any more. Get into a schedule at home that includes enough sleep and a reasonable amount of time for your special interests, and your life should come into balance very soon. Congrats on getting a gig; hang in there.

That sucks. Are there any changes you could make to make things easier, such as working from home some days? Or perhaps work part time and collect disability? I suggest take a leave of absence/vacation to get yourself in a better state. <hugs>

it took me months before I stopped hating my first job, but I grew to love it. give it some time.

You sound like you are struggling. I don't know what is best for you to do but can I make some suggestions?

I recently started having 3 baths a week. For each bath I put one cup (as in the type you use when measuring for cooking) of Epsom salt into the bath, mix it well and bathe for 20 minutes.

This helps release toxins that get stuck in the body. Also it helps your body absorb the vital mineral Magnesium which many people don't get enough of in their food intake these days.

Doing it has helped me overcome extreme feelings of unhappiness. I don't think it would solve all your problems but as a first step it could make you feel a bit more relaxed and peaceful. If you just felt a bit more at ease while at work, and maybe that could be the ticket, then from there it could lead to something: being able to better talk to others and maybe forming a friendship and getting support off another co-worker or something else beneficial.

It may sound obvious, but the first step is identifying WHAT is making you so stressed. I would figure after a month, you'd be getting more in the groove of your daily routine and have LESS stress. Unless, of course, someone or something is adding more to your plate as you master what you already have...never giving you a chance to balance out.

Thanks for the advice, guys.

I've worked from home yesterday and today. They don't usually allow people to do that for at least two more months of employment, but they made special exceptions because they're incredibly impressed by my progress. As for vacation, I can't. They don't allow me to take any time off for the first three months.



Thanks for the suggestion. I already take a lot of baths, most with epsom salts. I don't know about the whole magnesium thing, but baths certainly do and always have helped me.



Agreed. I've been thinking about it a lot during the past month. A lot of the problem seems to be that I feel trapped and out of control. I think a big problem for me is that I need to be somewhere on a regular basis. The other problem is that I have no free time; no time to do anything. And lastly, It wasn't even a year ago that if I left the house to go do something, I'd need like a day of recovery time, and that was good for me. I've gotten better since then, but I suddenly have to be out of the house from 6:30 to 5:00, five days a week. I'm not doing well with that.

Also, how "comforting" is your office?

My last job, I normally like to work without shoes. Job before last had no issue with that. Last job didn't mind, but the carpeting/floors were ruining my socks. I went on Amazon and ordered a pair of black slippers that looks like moccasins. Put them on and you couldn't know they weren't dress shoes unless you really studied my feet. Protected my socks and gave me that "near barefoot" sensation I prefer when walking about.

If your office management is accommodating, maybe you need more stuff about your workspace to make it more like "home."

I say this because you say when you went out it would drain you. Going out SHOULD NOT do that in and of itself...it's the stress of going someplace unfamiliar or being cut off from the familiar that is probably causing the stress. If your workspace is a calming space...or at least has the familiarity of home...it may be easier to endure.

This is why workspace personalization is important in some jobs. If it feels like an unwelcoming place, even NTs won't be happy.

I've just lost a job. I feel miserable.

Hi there,

I'm sorry you lost your job. I remember when I got fired; it bought me to tears. From my experience, the best thing to do is to try to get another job as soon as possible. I did, and was successful.

Maybe, if you were at your job less than a few months, you could just not mention it on your resume when you apply for new jobs.

Perhaps, if you have any specific questions, I could try to address them, and perhaps answer them to your satisfaction.

For me, it is a help to sometimes wear earbuds while in the workplace and listen to whatever helps keep me centered at a particular moment. I think it helped me mentally separate myself from my workplace environment and put me mentally and emotionally into a so-called safe place.

<*sigh*>

It saddens me to say this, but That's Life in the Real World. Except for the hallucinations, you've pretty much described my normal work day.

Yet, having a job that allows me to own a home, pay the bills, and raise a family beats the Hell out of being poor, alone and homeless.

Take it slow. Don't rush things. I personally learned from my own experience. 3 days a week was what I started out with. A month later, then it became 4. Since there were some days I was absent after that, then some weeks had 5. That was not the way to go for me. It was then I realized I got to regroup and reevaluate what I am capable of.

My advice on this is be vigilant about your well being at all times. If something doesn't feel right, then you might want to talk to people you trust and/or seek professional help. That will increase the chance of at least helping you slow down the problem, and hopefully stop it.

I would say give it a few months. To me being unemployed and having to wait for months to find the right job or actually get hired is a nightmare. I would take a 5 day a week job any time.

I was going to write something like this, but I see Fnord has beaten me to it. I can't really cope with working 5 days a week. I'm exhausted and stressed and have no energy in my free time to do anything much. But I need to work to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head, but I would rather be in this situation than be unemployed.

I don't know what exactly it is that stresses me. I hate trying to work out what is expected of me. I wish I could be told, "you need to do x, y and z by this time/date and it needs to do this and that" but I am only ever given very vague instructions and I am just meant to make whatever it is work. Mostly I am just making things up as I go along to get through my work. I haven't got enough experience of this industry to find a job somewhere else, but I'm over qualified to go back into a regular admin job, but not experienced enough to go into a higher up job. I feel trapped too.

Mastry the first months of jobs are really difficult, but hopefully over time the you will settle into a sort of routine and start to enjoy the work. At least you are good at what you do. I am constantly being asked to figure out how to do things I've never done before and it stresses me out.

I had a similar experience 15 years ago when I started working in IT. Unfortunately, my low functioning cost me my job after two years. I got back into IT but blowing my first job pushed me back many years.

Looking back, I let my anxiety get out of control. I could have reached out for help but didn't. I hope you have a better experience.