3 years down they dont want me

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[quote="Robdemanc"]Just tell the project leader that you have personal reasons or you just wish to find alternative employment. Is the project leader the one who was asking you questions when you were crying? If so, just be civil and don't bring up the meeting where you cried. You may need to depend on a reference so do not be toxic with them.[/quote
you are right i still need to get back my provident fund
and other funds
i will be cordial with them
i want to leave on a good note
though what she has done is toxic, wrong nad spiteful
i dont want to aggravate the situation further
and move on with a remorse in heart

Wait a minute. You said 1st they don't want you, then you said if they accept your resignation, they don't want you, but now they are asking to meet with you to find out why your leaving, and you feel you don't have to explain anything?

I'm confused what you want.

I think namaste initially asked if she wished to continue working at a place if this is the way they treat people, and she's generally decided, no, she does not.

And then it becomes a question of how to leave on reasonably good terms.

And wow, if this is the same lady who continued to ask questions even though you were crying, thats the kind of thing I find very stressful, too.

For even a brief, civil, businesslike phone call, I'd have to really gear up. And if possible I'd want to reward myself with something both fun and productive, then maybe a movie in the evening. I mean, this one phone call would be like the one task-like activity I could do the entire day. Yes, something like this can be that energy-draining for me.

So i wrote a reply to her stating that my physical, emotional health is my first priority next is child and family and last priority is career.

This is the reply i got from her
Work can be stressful if what you do is not what you want to do & as you mentioned career is the last thing on your priority list, it must have been stressful for you to come to school regularly & work in a structured way.

i also mentioned that if the intervention is not growing in anyway and if the students i taught are not making progress then i do not
want to be a cause of hinderance for them....so this is what she replied.
She is still persistant that there is no progress in students
Regarding children not having shown progress by 2 levels:
Rather than getting into 'self-criticism/pity' it would help if you reflected on what we discussed about usage of Hindi/usage of Translation method in the class which may have been one of the reasons for their not showing progress. If you analyse the results you will get the reasons.
Everyone makes mistakes... its important to 'get up' after a fall & not 'give up'.

i will continue with the resignation since as far as my knowledge goes my children have progressed and
there as been positive growth.
I was hardworking, sincere but yes i lacked social skills i couldnt communicate well with colleagues and stakeholders

they got new employees who are smarter and confident so they just want to show me the door but putting blame on
me as it always happens.

yes if they had wanted me to continue she wouldnt have grilled me so badly during the interview
we just work in slum areas for underprivilaged children
there is no good facilities in areas where we go to work
the toilets have no lights, we get some godown to teach
the place stinks and students being slumdwellers use filthy language
they are abusive
in all this deplorable condition we dont complaint
there was no laptop and computers available till year end
but the expected us to show movies to children once a month we had to arrange computers
we had to teach children for Annual day songs and dance.....there was no speakers to help them hear
the tune....but i arranged a mini speaker from my own pocket
after a month of practice it was told that there should be a background karaoke music for the songs
otherwise the song will be cancelled so i purchased karaoke music online from a website paying a lot of money
since the karaoke was not available freely online.

i have slogged my ass and then this is what i got in return.

I think you did fine. You wrote a letter which in a measured way told what was going on. And she responded by partiallly blaming you. That's her problem. Please try to avoid an argument with her which most probably is just not worth it.

I would go with your judgment that your students have progressed. It sounds like they are basically concluding from the fact that you perhaps have less interaction with peers, and perhaps you feel less need for interaction with your peers, to the question of whether you've had success with your children, and that is unfair and inaccurate of them.

You know, in Texas where I live, even since George Bush was governor of the state in the 1990s, there has been controversy of over-testing of students and teaching to the test. To the expense of kids advancing in areas where they're good at and they like, and also at the expense of learning practical and intellectual skills they will need in the actual world.

Yes i agree with you, she is just trying to win a argument. let her win as the quote goes never argue with a fool they beat you with experience and bring you down to their level
actually they need young energetic lot of staff now since majority of them are just college students who are there to have a whale of time and im odd one out, sticking out like a sore thumb.
Plus she is also a employee who is there to have fun and serious workholic people like me dont fit in there she and her gang of fun loving people cant tolerate my presence.
she could have just asked me leave i would have left why to blame me for lack of students progress

It sounds like they can actually use some serious workaholic people. Imagine that, people who actually focus on the students, rather than socializing with fellow staff members.

I think she is making the classic mistake of poor management in which she assumes every employee needs to be alike.

she is a typical NT who expects people to socialise and mingle
which is not possible for a aspie
even a menial task like making eye contact seems so difficult for me

She accepted my resignation...writing in such a way that she is happy to let me resign.

Something which aspies will be familiar this line from her mail

As I had mentioned in the discussion that we had, you too have gained from this experience & have learnt to smile & have grown personally as well as professionally in these 3 years,

she always used to tease me that i wasnt smiling

hell with smile.......i dont want to smile

Wow.

I would not want to be pushed to smile in a workplace either.


It sounds like she's trying to re-characterize her teasing as skillful, well-intended and gently done (and not annoying repetitive which I would most probably guess it was!). We'll call this the more charitable interpretation of her behavior.

All the same, it's awfully tacky of her to bring up something in a farewell letter which has been a source of friction.

People should not be required to smile. allowed to smile perhaps, but not required. There are so many ways to contribute without smiling.

I don't want some stupid boss pushing me to smile

one of my flaws she was highlighting in my resignation acceptance letter............highligting and pointing out how a simple thing like smile is not possible for me..
cant go out to work now....
need to hide somewhere and do some scruplous business

Oh, don't get me started.
Employers and coworkers have always told me to smile.
(hence my avatar here, sort of identifiable)


BUT, even worse than that?
My Mom.
Extrovert, everyone loves her, she gets along with everyone and never met a stranger. The more crowded a place, the happier she was to be there.

I turned out awesome, let's just get that out there. Worked my way through college, landed a decent office job, have a beautiful family in a nice neighborhood and have some very good friends a lot like me.
My sons are very polite and appreciative and play nicely.

Well, we go out to a big family & their friends gathering (which I normally avoid because I have some social snobbery issues I like to not expose my kids to) and my youngest is in the midst of things, happy to be around people like always. My oldest is popping in and out of the fray and engaging with one cousin with whom he has the most in common.
My Mom keeps going on and on, 'why don't you go over there with them? why don't you do x? why don't you do y? Try smiling a bit, more people will approach you. Come on, give grandma a smile etc etc etc.

I intervened.
It brought back my childhood where I never fit in well enough, but, she was so sure 'if you just try' everything will be great.
I will NOT allow my son to think there's anything wrong with him.

~chuckles~ My husband's friend and his wife came to visit us shortly after that, and when I was talking about how I told my Mom off for that, they sort of looked at each other guiltily, having realized they'd said some of the same things to their son.
(btw, their son was along for that visit and he and my son and I all three got along really well )

As far as a new and better job, it's a numbers game. Maybe it's a little like getting hands in Texas Hold'em Poker. It seems impossible, and then along comes a good one.

And people say and talk some incredible nonsense about job hunting itself being a full-time job. No way. Even when I have a lot of energy and things are going well, I'm trying to get two quality job applications a day for a total of ten over the week. And maybe I get eight for the week and that is a good week. And people who get more, I'd really challenge whether they're just sending out a bunch of low-quality, untargeted applications.

And try and do other productive activities along the way. For example, I sometimes contribute to wikipedia articles on health topics. Now, it can be a real exercise in frustration because I'm generally ignored and occasionally attacked for not writing formal enough. And people there will come within a whisper of saying that the formality of the writing is more important than the accuracy and completeness of the information. They really will. I actually think many of my fellow wikipedians are literally teenagers, and that's okay. But it does mean I seldom if ever really get colleagues. All the same, I feel good about some of the work I have done there.

I like the Internet and think people can contribute in a variety of ways. When I wasn't working, I liked to get out of the house and use both a public library and an university library. I still use both, but probably not as often.

some one out there is always better in somethings and its survival of the fittest
its a jungle out there