Nursing assistant, thinking about quitting my job

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Hi there,

I work for the NHS as a Health Care Assistant (also known as a Nursing Assistant or Nursing Auxiliary) and have just (finally) registered with Wrong Planet because I'm seriously considering quitting my job and wanted to see how other people with Asperger Syndrome have managed situations similar to mine.

I have no problem with any technical aspects of the job, or with dealing with patients - I had an appraisal that said I have "an excellent rapport with patients, particularly 'difficult' ones" - but I have had problems with the ward sister and colleagues, and due to my poor executive functioning and difficulty organizing myself (being late for work, missing a shift due to a combination of a.) my having misread the rota and b.) my phone being disconnected - twice! The second time I got a written warning, which has now expired). I'm now in the process of being assessed for AS, and the deputy ward sister, the ward sister and the matron are all aware of this.

The thing is, I feel totally unsupported. I've just had 5 weeks off work due to anxiety and depression, and had 4 months and 2 months off respectively last year for the same. Whilst I was off sick I had no contact with anybody at work, except via formal letters. On returning to work this time I was asked to fill in a stress questionnaire. It asked if I felt supported by my manager and colleagues, I said no and the ward sister called me into her office and snapped at me, "What exactly do you think we should be doing to support you?". (I was thinking, "Give the impression that you care?"). It was grim - I cried and she just sat there, stony-faced with her arms crossed. Ironically, she has now gone on long-term sick leave herself, apparently for depression.

Because I've been off sick for more than a month the ward sister has referred me to Occupational Health. After the time I had off last year OH said a reasonable adjustment would be to raise my sickness trigger by 50% i.e. for me to be able to have 3 weeks off, rather than 2 weeks, before my absence is deemed 'excessive'. The OH doctor read the ward sister's referral letter out to me, and one of the things she asked for is for my sickness trigger to be reduced back down to 2 weeks (OH have refused). I'm sure this was done with a view to making my sickness record look even worse than it already does and possibly justifying taking disciplinary action against me once more.

In the summer I got in touch with the National Autistic Society and they suggested that I have one of their workplace assessments. They told me the Access to Work scheme would pay for it. I told the ward sister and it was all arranged...only to be cancelled at the last minute because the Access to Work funding wouldn't be in place in time and the ward/trust weren't prepared to pay for it.

I just don't know whether to quit, wait for the outcome of my assessment and then make a fresh start somewhere else with (hopefully) an official diagnosis of AS in hand, or to keep fighting for this job. If I stayed I wouldn't want to train as a nurse but would be interested in doing NVQ Level 3 then qualifying/getting a job as an NVQ assessor (I?ve done some voluntary work as an instructor and think I would enjoy/be good at training people).

To give you a little more context, I'm 31, have an honours degree (in Politics) and have been in my job for 4 years.

Any thoughts?

Best wishes,

Sylvie

My thoughts would be do the NVQ training to become an assessor, as that's what you say you really want to do. The next part of the equation is an exit strategy from your current job as a ward nurse. I'm intrigued that the ward sister who has you in her sights has herself gone out on stress leave. For that reason I don't think they can take any action about the leave you have taken, but they can pursue you for being late for work, so you need to address your reasons for being late and do what you can to be punctual to work. You need to quit your job when you are ready and not be dictated to by your present circumstances at work. As you are good at your job, it shouldn't be too hard to get a reference from one of your supervisors, which will,serve you in the next phase of your career.

Thank you. I think you're right - I've got to leave my job but I've got to leave when I'm ready and not allow myself to be forced out. My timekeeping is better than it used to be but I know I need to continue to work on it. Training is just one path I'm interested in. I'm working my way through the exercises in 'The Complete Guide To Getting A Job For People With Asperger's Syndrome' by Barbara Bissonnette and have generated a list of jobs that might suit me: NVQ assessor, library assistant, proofreader, mental health support worker, advisor for Citizens Advice, careers advisor (careers are actually one of my special interests - a couple of hours in my local careers library with a stack of nice shiny prospectuses to look through equals bliss for me!).

In the short term, see if there are little things that you can do to help with executive function issues. I've found when I'm organized and on time and feel like I'm "put together" then whatever nonsense I get from work is much easier to deal with. From little things (always put the house key in the cup) to big things - help them come up with a new online rota management system(?) - figure out what small things you might be able to do to make your day manageable. This might alleviate some of the nonsense from your coworkers and make it easier for you to get another position.

Thank you so much. Yes, it's little things - like putting the house key somewhere easily accessible and packing my bag the night before - I've got to do. And making sure I arrive at work with my hair and teeth brushed! Too often I end up just sticking my hair up in a hat and doing my hair and teeth in the staff toilet once I've gotten to work. I can hear my mother telling me I'm 'slovenly' but I'm not, I'm simply not good at carrying out a sequence of tasks - I forget what I'm doing, wander off. But just being aware of this has helped. Also we've now moved to an online rota at work, thank goodness

Don't quit your present job until you DEFINITELY have another job lined up.

I've just gotten a letter informing me that the deputy sister (in the ward sister's absence) has initiated disciplinary proceedings against me. Unfortunately for her I'm now very familiar with the trust's Management of Sickness Absence policy so know that they can't actually do anything to me, as all of my absences been due to one chronic underlying condition (on all of my sick notes my doctor wrote 'anxiety disorder' - my official diagnosis is obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and possible Asperger syndrome). I've sent her an email (copying in HR) saying that the trust has no grounds for initiating these proceedings, and their actions constitute harassment and discrimination. Right now I feel calm but it'll probably hit me later and I'll fret like mad. I'm due in work again Thursday and don't know how I'll face it, I just hate knowing they don't want me there. What gets me is this woman actually did my annual appraisal just a week and a half ago and said nothing about this, even though it must already have been in the pipeline. Instead she only said nice things, and rated me a good contributor! That's the thing, I can do my job, so they can't get me for that and are instead having to try all these other things.

Hello, Sylvie. I also work in the health service, I also have had periods off work with a long period of adjusted hours, and am also on the way to assessment. (By which I mean I was told I'd been referred for assessment, only to ask 7 months later, exhausted by what I assumed was the waiting list, how long I might have to wait, to be asked 'what referral?...') I am also good, technically, at what I do, but have abysmal relations with the others. I also desperately want to get out of this job.
I feel horrible for you. Despite being utterly in favour of the health service in principle, as its employee, I recognise that it is absolutely full of rot, with loads of senior positions filled with bullies and outright fraudsters, and so many unpleasant staff. Many of my colleagues, highly qualified or unqualified, whoever, are scumbags and petty bullies.

What she's trying is nonsense. Just as seniors are absolutely not supposed to come up with criticisms in appraisals that they haven't voiced in normal work time, that principle surely applies even more completely the other way around! You're right, you have strong grounds that they cannot invent disciplinary concerns that they didn't even bother mentioning at appraisal. HR work for management generally, I am very wary of them - but being on the side of senior management, they also tend to favour the status quo, which is in your favour. If I go off again I'm sure they'll come for me.

Although I don't really have advice, I can say I sympathise. There is no support here, either. No following up, no awareness or tolerance. Anxious or depressed people get treated as a menace. I've seen people have discipliniary proceeding opened against them a couple of times, and the same sluggish, unresponsive, lip-servicey system that keep the bullies in their posts also tends, luckily, to protect unfairly targetted people, too. I've never seen anyone actually get sacked, despite management, and occasionally other staff, trying hard.

Hi Sylvie,

I work in EMS, but have also worked nursing jobs & internships inside hospitals. It is my experience that there are unfortunately a lot of wards and workplaces where the atmosphere is very hierarchical, unsupportive and just leaves a lot to be desired. Happy news is that there are other kinds of workplaces too. I once had a job in a very small village where I felt that while the support wasn't great, they tolerated a lot from the workers. Maybe because they had trouble attracting workers in the first place and weren't too picky about eccentrics as long as you performed. I've also had other jobs where everybody pulled together and helped and supported each other, though these have been more likely to be ER/EMS kinds of jobs. In your place I'd consider the possibility that it's not the job that's the problem, it might be that particular workplace. Are you working inside a bigger organization? If so, would it be possible to get a transfer? I've never disclosed at work, so I don't have any relevant experiences about that (I did at school, and it was more hassle than it was worth).

Also the executive skills are totally learnable. I have worked my ass off for the past 5+ years and I have reached a level that's between reasonably competent and very competent depending on the particular skill. Sure it's still more work for me than it is for other people, but nowadays I'm actually one of the most organized people at my workplace. It did take some time and a lot of effort, but it is possible.