Dealing with a Psychopathic Coworker

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Okay, yes, I can concede that there's no "official" diagnosis for either condition - just ASPD - but I don't believe the DSM-5 is the definitive authority on this condition - what it possesses in terms of theory and clinical observation, it seems to lack in personal experience (it's too "detached").

So...that means that they're the same then? I don't think so. It just means that we're not entirely sure - I just simply think that there is a bit of a difference, based upon a couple of articles I've read and my own experience. The two terms do bother me, I will admit, as they each seem like a bit of a misnomer (or at least "psychopath" does - I don't think they're really "suffering mentally" at all). Here are the articles, if you'd like to take a gander:
"How to Tell a Sociopath from a Psychopath"
and
"Sociopath vs. Psychopath: What’s the Difference?"

To diagnose antisocial personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:
A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:
1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure
b. Self-direction: Goal-setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative ethical behavior. ✔️ (Asked the assistant manager once if clocking out a half-hour early was alright if he skipped lunch, which he replied was against federal law)
AND
2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another. ✔️ (Laughed when I told him - not in detail, thankfully - about a breakup I had recently, then proceeded to tell me about how he has always been the one to breakup with women, and how he was rejected only once, etc.)
b. Intimacy: Incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others. ✔️ (The whistling/finger-snapping example I used in an earlier post)
B. Pathological personality traits in the following domains:
1. Antagonism, characterized by:
a. Manipulativeness: Frequent use of subterfuge to influence or control others; use of seduction, charm, glibness, or ingratiation to achieve one's ends. ✔️
b. Deceitfulness: Dishonesty and fraudulence; misrepresentation of self; embellishment or fabrication when relating events.
c. Callousness: Lack of concern for feelings or problems of others; lack of guilt or remorse about the negative or harmful effects of one's actions on others; aggression; sadism ✔️
d. Hostility: Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults; mean, nasty, or vengeful behavior. (Not gonna check this one off, although he does occasionally twitch a little when he asks me about a customer order that's been taken, and I don't know anything about it because I didn't take it)
2. Disinhibition, characterized by:
a. Irresponsibility: Disregard for -- and failure to honor -- financial and other obligations or commitments; lack of respect for -- and lack of follow through on -- agreements and promises.
b. Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans.
c Risk taking: Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard for consequences; boredom proneness and thoughtless initiation of activities to counter boredom; lack of concern for one's limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger
C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.
D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual's developmental stage or socio-cultural environment.
E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).
F. The individual is at least age 18 years. ✔️ (I think he's 21/22)

I don't know why I'm being so persistent about this, because unless I can get a diagnosis for him from a clinician in which all of those are checked (or at least all necessary criteria), and then fax it to you or email it or something, I don't think you'll be convinced. For some reason, though, in spite of the fact that some of these are not checked (simply for lack of enough evidence - for example, I don't know about his past drug use or what effect it would have on his behavior), I just know that he's psychopathic (just as I know that I'm autistic, in spite of the fact that my therapist would disagree, and others are a little surprised to hear it themselves). I'm sorry I don't have any more evidence to offer you, but if you met him, I would almost guarantee that you would think he's more than just a "garden-variety a**hole."

He seems alright with me asking him for stuff - I just think that anything he could use to incriminate me he probably would use, because it's like he's trying to weed out the competition or something, so if I didback-talk him, he might tell one of the managers about it.

Yeah I don't see the point in someone throwing the DSM at you, if you mislabelled him it doesn't matter , we have a description of his behavior so thats enough to draw some conclusions.

But anyway...

If it's between two peers it can't be backtalk ,but I can see how you don't want to be seen as the ahole of the situation.

Clicking your fingers at someone is generally seen as rude and annoying
How about next time he does it just say
"Can you please not click your fingers at me"
It's much easier to say just after he does it and you are not back talking or being rude.

This will help you because right now your anger level is pretty high you need some relief which this might accomplish.

I dunno, hopefully things get better as time goes along and you get more comfortable with this guy.

Now the whistling thing, I've done this before and in the moment i don't think it is disrespectful so much as just as way to get someone's attention. A pet peeve of mine is somebody not responding after speaking to them when I know they should of heard me, I think that is disrespectful so whistling at them to get their attention just seems natural.

Whistling and clicking is what a person does to a dog.

I wouldn't like to be whistled or clicked at, either.

The worst, though, is when somebody points at me. I get angry when somebody points at me.

The best thing to do.....is to mind your p's and q's when you're around the guy. And make sure he treats you with respect. Just don't do anything in front of him that would get you called into the boss' office.

Easier said then done. Such disrespect would entice a reaction from even the most decent person.

Yeah...I'd probably snap my fingers right back at the guy. I just don't like that kind of crap.

I can't whistle--so I wouldn't be able to do that.

Like I said. Maintain a totally professional relationship with the guy. That's the best solution.

I probably do all of that, snap my fingers too, but I don't even think of it in the moment since it's just the utility of getting someone's attention without raising your voice. I wasn't raised with dogs so I don't make the association so maybe that's it, I associate baby-talk more with pets than I do whistling which I would definitely find offensive. I wouldn't think about a whistle as disrespectful towards myself unless I felt the person disrespected me but then it wouldn't matter what they said, if there is a utility to it then it makes sense to me.

Yeah, but see the problem is that there wasn't really any utility to it. I guess I explained it rather poorly, so I'll try another way that I hope is more consistent with what happened:
We were arguing about a couple of different customer orders (not so much arguing as trying to resolve the issue between them) because they both used the same exact paint in two different color bases and two different quantities (one was 4 gallons of one base, the other was 2 gallons of a slightly whiter base, if I remember correctly, because this was a few days ago now). I was asking him if they were the same order or two different orders (basically so that I could grab what needed to be grabbed) and he wasn't listening, and was reading the tint queue on the computer screen instead. I finally looked at the labels of each, and that's when he snapped his fingers and whistled at me and said "I need you to grab one more of that one [pointing at the whiter based product] for me, okay?" - and he said "okay" in a rather condescending, "do you understand me, dumby?" kind of tone. And I was immediately flabbergasted by the audacity of what he had done, just shocked that he could be so rude about it, but I grabbed the paint and helped him tint it, and then thought about how I would chew him out next time he did something like that, because it was not just a matter of utility - as far as I'm concerned, in his eyes I'm just a servant animal, not an autonomous human being who feels hurt by something like that. Nobody else there comes even REMOTELY close to treating me or anyone else like that.

Do it back I guess, see how he reacts. Maybe just subtly sabotage everything he does when given the opportunity, if only to make yourself feel better and him worse.

The point of "throwing the DSM" was to respond to the arrogant attitude that was given in response to my original post, in addition to the implication that I have no idea what I'm talking about, and obviously don't "understand what they are".

I have researched psychopathy and sociopathy quite a bit in the past. There is no official distinction between the two terms. The proper diagnosis is antisocial personality disorder, and psychologists can't agree on whether they are the same thing, or types of people with similar manifestations with different causes, or two sets of different but similar manifestations, etc. http://www.all-about-forensic-psychology.com/support-files/psychopathy-antisocial-personality-and-sociopathy.pdf

Here's a piece from a psychologist who states that they are the same thing, that sociopathy is an outdated term to mean "psychopathy", and that the term used now is "psychopath" http://io9.gizmodo.com/5933869/stop-calling-sherlock-a-sociopath-thanks-a-psychologist

So it's obvious that there is no agreement even among the professionals.

Deafghost52 felt it necessary to nitpick at my choice of words, and to disregard the actual meaning of my post. Sociopaths/psychopaths/whatever-you-want-to-call-them make up only a small percent of the population. Just assuming that this person is a psychopath is not going to solve the problem. The proper way to react to those with sociopathy/psychopathy/Antisocial Personality Disorder is not the same as the way to react to someone who is simply a bully, or a narcissist, or a person with a sadistic streak.

I've had the misfortune of working with at least one such type of person at every job I had. There are too many of them and it's not worth quiting your job whenever you have to deal with one of them. If they're the majority or the boss is a psycho, then it's hopeless, otherwise it's almost impossible for everyone at work to be a decent human being.

I think the most important thing is to politely refuse to do what he orders you, especially when he's being rude and demanding. Just say that you're busy and go do some busy-work, help out someone else, call someone you've been meaning to call etc. Also, calmly, but firmly (try not to show any emotion) tell him that you not to snap his fingers or whistle at you. If he tries to mock you or threaten you or he ignores you, keep calm and repeat the same thing until you get a positive reaction, like "sorry".

Also, try to ignore him a bit and focus more on the coworkers you like working with. Help them more, talk to them more- if you're dealing with an actual psychopath, he will probably try to turn others against you, so it's very important to try and have good relations with the rest. He might even back off, if he's not supported by others in his actions. It might surprise you, but there could be others that see through his s**t as well.

I apologize if my response seemed arrogant, Yigeren. That was not my intent, but I certainly recognize that it was the outcome nonetheless. I will admit that I still have quite a bit to learn when it comes to rational discourse with others, and responding in a non-antagonizing, open manner to what others have to say when it contradicts my opinions on the matter (because they're just my opinions, even when backed by a couple of authority figures on the matter). I hope you can accept this apology, because I do really feel quite bad about my rudeness, and I thought I was past it already, but evidently I still have a little more work to do.

So the point of that post, if I understand correctly, was to bring up the fact that people with ASPD constitute a very small percentage of the general population, and that it is quite unlikely that this guy matches such a diagnosis. Okay, that sounds fair, but you also stated very plainly that he may just simply be a "bully, or a narcissist, or a person with a sadistic streak," which, to me at least, appears to imply that in spite of not necessarily matching the diagnostic criteria for ASPD, he may still fall within the B Cluster of personality disorders, and therefore may be a bit dangerous to be around (and may be a threat to myself and others at work). Can we agree on that, or is there perhaps a broader category we must consider?

It's possible that he is dangerous. It's also possible that he sees you as weak and enjoys picking on you simply because he has a mean streak.

If you continue to let yourself appear weak, such a person will continue to pick on you. If he's actually a psychopath, the way to react to him would not necessarily be the same. That's why it's important to make the distinction.

A psychopath may actually be worse if you are aggressive towards him, and decide to make your life miserable. A simple bully may react in a positive way (for you) to aggression, and think it's not worth the trouble to cause you further problems. Either way, not appearing weak is a good strategy.

I wouldn't necessarily assume he is dangerous without some other indication, but you can play it safe if you want.

Spotting Psychopaths in the workplace.

Protecting yourself against psychopaths in the workplace.

Did you ask him not to whistle for your attention? "Mr. Boss, I'd prefer if you called my name to get my attention".

Asking all kinds of personal questions, well, you can just give vague answers and change the subject or feign no knowledge of others. "My weekend was great, love the sunny weather, and, well, didn't see Suzy, so not sure what she was up to. I've got a draft of the report you requested. Would you like to chat about it now or should I set up a time for us to meet later this afternoon?".

From what you've described, I'm not seeing that your boss is a psychopath or, more importantly, that even if he is a psychopath (1% of the population is!) that his behavior has crossed into the realm of the illegal.