What do you think my chances of getting a job are if I...?

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The main obstacle that stands between me and obtaining employment with a company always rests with the hiring process, the job interview in particular. Before I completely throw conventional work out of the window to focus exclusively on unconventional work opportunities (e.g. being a writer, freelance programmer, internet content creator, etc.), I want to get some feedback on how I would fare (for better or worse) in a job interview if I were to answer the questions in the manner that I have in this post, listed below this introductory paragraph. Realistically, I would not be able to verbally answer the interview questions with the cohesion that you see in this post, but try to imagine that I could: Envisioning the best possible outcome so you can say definitively whether or not answering the questions in that manner could land a person a job in an entry level position at a company that is hiring. At the end of this paragraph I'm going to include the link to the original 50 questions listed on Forbes.com. You'll notice I only included 34 questions in my post. Some of the questions were too specific, some were redundant, some would take too long to answer, and some I would not be able to answer no matter how much time I could reasonably expect to be given during an interview. Without further adieu, here is the link to the 50 questions:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelyns ... 1e0be4624d


Q1. What are your strengths?
A1. Laser-like observation/hyperfocus, analysis, pattern recognition, predictions derived from pattern recognition, a strong conviction to seek out and report truthful and accurate information, the ability to estimate another person's point of view/advanced empathy, introspection, strong long term memory — particularly with anything involving numbers, a strong curiosity and drive to find out how things work, highly detail oriented, solving problems in unconventional ways, becoming very tenacious when solving a difficult problem that is important to me [I could list more, but it would take days to remember them all].


Q2. What are your weaknesses?
A2. Verbal communication, dealing with aggressively stupid people, listening to verbal instructions, listening to verbal directions (for finding locations), poor sense of direction, below average short term memory, difficulty understanding something when sparse details are provided, being rushed, broad/general observation [I could list more, but it would take days to remember them all].


Q3. Why are you interested in working for [insert company name here]?
A3. Because [name of company] has open positions and I decided to seize the opportunity to have a chance of filling one of those positions.


Q4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?
A4. In 5 years I see myself being a full time writer/author. In 10 years I see myself working towards obtaining degrees in engineering, physics, and chemistry at a university.


Q5. What can you offer us that someone else can not?
A5. Forgive me, I'm not omniscient, so I cannot answer that question.


Q6. Are you willing to relocate?
A6. Only if I could be guaranteed employment for long enough to cover the cost of moving and having money left over to find a new job if I was laid off or fired.


Q7. Are you willing to travel?
A7. No. I'm like a tree: I prefer to stay in one place for as long as I can.


Q8. Tell me about an accomplishment you are most proud of.
A8. The accomplishment I'm most proud of is when I managed my bipolar type 1 symptoms by using cognitive behavioral therapy on myself without even knowing what cognitive behavioral therapy was/that it existed.


Q9. Tell me about a time you made a mistake.
A9. It's uncommon for me to make (memorable/big) mistakes so it's hard for me to remember them, but when I do make a mistake I do my utmost to learn from it. In fact, I am grateful when I make mistakes after I've recovered from them because every mistake is a learning opportunity. Life would be boring if no one made mistakes.


Q10. What is your dream job?
A10. I don't have one dream job, I have several: Being a scientist, engineer, author, and teacher.


Q11. What would you look to accomplish in the first 30 days/60 days/90 days on the job?
A11. I would like to accomplish what's asked of me and complete extra work if at all possible, whenever possible.


Q12. Describe yourself.
A12. I can't do that in good conscience. I could make up any number of descriptions about myself whether they be favorable or unfavorable. I value the outside perspective much more than my inner perspective in many cases.


Q13. Why should we hire you?
A13. I have no idea. In order to truly answer that question I would have to know all relevant information about all of the other people competing against me for this job. I would then have to weigh my abilities against theirs and also weigh my potential loyalty to the company against theirs, among other things.


Q14. Why are you looking for a new job?
A14. Your question assumes that I have a job at this time. If you look at my application you will see very plainly that I do not. As for why I'm looking for a job, I find that the structure a job gives me is healthy and a steady job is the best way to earn a reliable income.


Q15. Would you work holidays/weekends?
A15. No. I quite enjoy my holidays and weekends. Also, I like the regularity of a work schedule focused on week days.


Q16. How would you deal with an angry or irate customer?
A16. I would focus on getting them what they want and asking relevant questions if necessary to help them to that end. I can empathize with people quite well if their concerns make logical sense, so I would use that to let them know that I am on their side and want to help them reach a solution to their problem.


Q17. What motivates you?
A17. That question is too personal for me.


Q18. What’s your availability?
A18. Week days, any time from dawn till dusk. I like to do my work while the sun's up. Humans are diurnal creatures after all.


Q19. Who’s your mentor?
A19. I have had many mentors, and, for the sake of their privacy, I shall not reveal their names.


Q20. Tell me about a time when you disagreed with your boss.
A20. That's too long ago for me to remember. I have a hard enough time remembering arguments I've had with a member of my family or a friend.


Q21. How do you handle pressure?
A21. I handle pressure badly if I'm unskilled at the task required of me and I handle pressure considerably well if I am skilled at the task required of me.


Q22. What gets you up in the morning?
A22. The knowledge that every day is an opportunity to learn something new.


Q23. What were your bosses’ strengths/weaknesses?
A23. Her strengths were her ruthlessness, her ability to lie for her own personal gain at an expert level, and her ability to manipulate people into doing what she wanted beyond the scope of what her job required of her. Her primary weakness was her inability to understand how other people perceived her.


Q24. If I called your boss right now and asked him what is an area that you could improve on, what would he say?
A24. A little sexist of you to assume that my last boss is male, don't ya think? Secondly, you can't call her because she quit her management position there years ago. Lastly, I honestly have no idea what she would say about me. She exploited everyone who worked for her, which is part of the reason why people were quitting their jobs at that company left and right every few weeks. Only a sociopath can understand the mind of a sociopath, and since I'm not a sociopath, I cannot comprehend her mentality.


Q25. Are you a leader or a follower?
A25. That's a false dichotomy, so no comment.


Q26. What are your co-worker pet peeves?
A26. Coworkers who take advantage of me or think that I like them when I don't.


Q27. What are your hobbies?
A27. Reading, writing, learning in general, practicing anything I want to get good at, and problem solving.


Q28. What is your favorite website?
A28. I don't have a favorite website. Each major website I visit has a specific purpose and I like to discover the websites that fulfill those purposes as close to my standards as possible.


Q29. What makes you uncomfortable?
A29. How much time do you have?


Q30. What are some of your leadership experiences?
A30. If I have any leadership experiences to begin with, only the people who I unknowingly led know what they are.


Q31. How would you fire someone?
A31. There is no one answer to that question. My relationship to the person who needs to be fired and the reason for them being fired would inevitably influence how I handle the situation.


Q32. Would you work 40+ hours a week?
A32. I wouldn't mind working up to 50 hours a week. More than 50 hours a week would be pushing it. However, in doing so, the company would be ensuring that the quality of my work would go down. Human beings experience a decrease in work performance after 6 hours on any given day, and as such 30 hour work weeks would ensure maximum performance from full time employees.


Q33. What questions haven’t I asked you?
A33. Whatever the current limit of total possible, grammatically correct questions in English is, minus the total sum of the questions you've asked me thus far.


Q34. What questions do you have for me?
A34. Only one: Wouldn't it be easier if the person who ends up getting the job just has to win a certain number of coin tosses instead of being asked a bunch of questions where the interviewees can just lie through most of them?

I didn't realize my mistake in time to add an amendment to my original post, so I'll have to settle for mentioning it in this new post. Some of my answers to the questions are admittedly not entirely serious, but the general ideas contained in my answers still hold true to how I would answer them. I'm much more expressive in non-verbal communication, so at times I tend to inject humor without realizing that I wouldn't necessarily do the same thing in an equivalent verbal conversation. I just wanted to clear that up in case it caused any confusion.