To tell or not to tell....

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Should you be open about your diagnosis if you get hired somewhere? I feel like this could go horribly wrong if it´s the wrong kinds of people working there (I know this for sure). On the other hand, I want to be open about it, not hiding. So how do you do about this, how open are you in general?

Hi, alpacka.

I am open about it, though I didn't used to be. My reasoning for it is because I feel that if I am open, it could help people to understand when I have "moments," and instead of jumping to the conclusion that I am a drama queen, or a pain in the butt, they might consider alternatives. Don't get me wrong, I have also experienced negative (see my post about "My coworkers hate me and think I'm a moron."). I think the negativity I experienced there was because I'm high functioning enough that they didn't connect my low moments with what I told them, and they labeled me a drama queen. Either way, I am glad I was forthcoming about it, because if they misunderstand something I do or say, it won't be because I kept it under wraps. I was also open about it with my current job, and they were much more understanding. I think people generally want to understand, and if they don't know what is going on, they are more apt to misinterpret things. Just my thoughts. Have a blessed day!

Where I come from even the so-called experts think autism is like a less sever form of mental retardation so I never tell people offline about it. I have other disabilities that I do tell people about thou, my low vision, tremor disorder & dyslexia.

I would tell your direct supervisor and direct co-workers of your relevant issues.
I would advise against using the exact word "autism", unless explicitly asked, since there are stigmas around it, but if those around you know the direct issues you face (and how to work around them) will make your work environment a lot healthier

My opinion: Not To Tell!

If people are kind, they treat you kindly whether they know why you act the way you do or not. Isn't this pretty universally true?
If they are the not very kind type, they tend to treat you even more poorly when they know your weaknesses and use the information as ammunition. I find they are more cautious if they are not entirely sure why you are somehow different.
Maybe this is just my perception.

I would personally put it off for as long as possible because you don't really know people well enough to know that telling them will be a good thing. So I would wait at least a few months so you can get to know them and gauge their personality.

I've never had to tell anyone, because I didn't start experiencing noticeable mental health issues until recently (I knew I had them for years, I just internalized so no one else would notice). However, thinking back on the jobs that I had, telling most of even my supervisors would not have been a good idea, let alone my co-workers.

Prime example, I was a manager at one store, and the store manager and my co-managers seemed very nice for the five or six months but as I got to know them I found out they were petty, sneaky backstabbers.

Age seems to have a lot to do with it too? I would tell the people I worked with previously if they were twice my age or more. Now that I think of it, everyone that it would have been a bad idea to tell were all in my generation.

Don't tell. Not unless you need disability accommodation, and even then, only if you really need it.

It feels wrong to have to hide when there is nothing wrong with you, but people are ignorant. Some people are petty and competitive, and see any difference as something to exploit. Give it at least 6 months before you make any decisions, so you can better get an idea on whether you can trust these people (and even then, in my case, it wasn't enough). If you seek disability accommodations, go through a formal process with Human Resources, requesting specific things like the right to wear noise-cancelling headphones or to get new policies in writing.

I decided to make a formal disability accommodation request about 18 months ago--helping me find a mentor, getting me project management software, getting new policies in writing, meeting every two weeks to discuss progress. It has NOT gone well. They've failed to do everything except the meetings, and seem to deliberately be undermining me. I've been accused of not following policies that they never told to me. As a result, I've made some expensive mistakes due to me misunderstanding what was expected of me.

I went to my boss's boss to talk to her about the communication problems I'm having with my boss. Not only does she not meet the accommodations or put things in writing, she frequently doesn't reply to voice mail or emails (both of us had work-from-home days). Instead of talking to me about my concerns, she invited my boss to the meeting and they both yelled at me and called me a liar. I'm now on probation. I'm also looking for another job. I've been at this company for years, but things really changed when I told them I'm autistic.

Godzilla Woman, some food for thought - if you tell them, and they continue to mistreat you, I am pretty sure there are federal laws to protect against that, and against retaliation as well. Not state, but federal. Don't do what I did, and let it go, leave, and try to put it behind you. It'll only pave the way for them to do it to someone else, because they got away with it. Find a new job, then go all the way to federal court if you have to. It's a broken system, and how sweet it would be if you were the reason they were forced to fix it. Make them rue the day they messed with you.

I think this is one of those "grey" areas (cringe) I've read about where the answer is "it depends".

There are no shortage of personality types out there that seek to attempt to better their own condition by berating and belittling others. If any sign of weakness is detected in a peer, CERTAIN personalities will seek to exploit that for their own benefit. Worse than that still, there's a good possibility that you are extremely focused in your work and have a pragmatic view on things that enables you to be successful that some of your more manipulative colleagues could never achieve. If you're successful, can become the center of attention (in a good way), and have ANY easy weakness... then you have painted a target on your back.

The 6 month moratorium on making a mention of Aspergers or Autism is probably a good idea. Take that time to carefully examine the demonstrated behaviors of your co-workers. There's got to be at least one NT type out there who is adept at reading the emotions and feelings of others who is kind/understanding. I try my best to surround myself with people like that. I've found that when I have a trusted running-buddy who will watch my back and understand my plus's and minus's, things go better.

GodzillaWoman: Wow. My heart goes out to you. I've got that tee-shirt too. Not so much from telling everyone I've likely got an Aspergers issue, but more the degree that I don't read between the lines very well and have a desire to have things written down. While I think it's absolutely correct that there's a rule on the books in most countries that prohibits such maltreatment, you've got a hard fight ahead of you even though you're probably dead right. For the kinds of folks who read this web page, we're probably all thinking something like:

if (discrimination == true) {
file_lawsuit();
receive_satisfaction();
keep_working();
} else {
keep_working();
}

However, the NT world's reaction will probably exactly NOT be that. Regretfully, I see nothing but stress in your future as you hopefully work through to find a workable solution.

Hope that helps.

I've never seen anything good come out of someone telling. I've never told. I would not generally advise someone to tell.

I work in manufacturing, but I still have to get along with my coworkers. For years, I told nobody about my condition (partly because I hadn't come to terms with it myself). But when I moved to a new department, I made sure to bring it up to my bosses. Why? In the hopes that when I slip up, they can take it into consideration. Recently, I did slip up. But when called into the office, I didn't mention Aspergers. Why? Probably because a) I didn't want to come across as if this is a valid excuse and b) because a coworker had recently berated me saying "don't bring up your Aspergers thing. I don't buy it! You can't just keep offending people and then apologizing...". I listened to him, and thought about it. What he was really saying is "mental illess/conditions don't really exist, and I offend people because I WANT to offend people." Anyway, I'm finally going in for therapy and, hopefully, a diagnosis. I've informed my boss. Don't know if it will help.

I think the tell or don't tell is something that has to be decided pre-employment. Every job has been a risk from the start. Adding a diagnosis into the mix makes things better or worse depending who your immediate supervisor(s) will be. I know thats vague, so let me share a little bit of what I experienced in the last few months.

I only found out about Aspergers a few months ago. January or February. Taking the words my mother had said years ago and the words of my best friend, I dove into the autistic world and began finding things about myself I had never realized were connected. Back at work, my boss is a bully, and uses just about anything she can find as ammunition for her visits to my school. One day she came in, sat in the middle of the kitchen, blocking every path to ever area of the area I work and said, "I'm here to observe you work." She was intentionally in my way and she knew it bothered me. I told her she was in my way but she fired back at me, "You can work around me, I've decided to sit 'here' and 'here' I will stay." My routine was destroyed. An aggressor had made herself present just to mess with me. I couldn't work. I was shaking uncontrollably. Finally I said, "I need you to sit elsewhere because I can't work with you in my kitchen." She refused, and from there I started to have a meltdown. I stopped myself and from there only just had a shutdown. I walked away and she was forced to serve lunch instead. When I returned, I had given up all hope of holding my job and I was 100% honest with my feelings, how I felt about her and the job. I don't think she heard a word of it because she continued to belittle me without a breath. I blurted out the word aspergers and the desire to be tested this summer. I got the typical NT response. "My niece has it also, but thats no excuse!" I had taken my secret and made it public to the worst possible person. I told her about my tendencies, my short comings, struggles. She only used them for ammo. I asked her, "does your niece get violent when pushed into a corner, does she have outbursts when someone is bullying her?" Boss replied, no. I told her, "I do. I get violent with myself and others around me. I will either hurt myself in the process of trying to calm myself, or I will hurt others. (I'm in a kitchen for crying out loud, surrounded by knives and blunt objects like pots and pans. I can do some serious damage if I'm pushed far enough.) She again tried to say I was making excuses. Weeks later, she got wind of me asking questions about how to resign from my contract. She came into my kitchen demanding my resignation letter so she could put up the ad for a new cook. Not at the end of the day, not later in the day, NOW!! ! Stood over my shoulder and watched me type it up.

The lesson I have to offer is - never share your diagnosis mid employment, especially when you're faced with immense opposition from a bully with a Title. It is an insanely delicate bit of information that we hold onto. Don't make the same mistakes I did and talk about it while your in the middle of a shutdown or meltdown.

I'm leaving this job at the end of May, and in Mid June I'll be seeking a diagnosis in my parents home state where there are "actual" resources within reach. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my long response. I had to give a kind of back story. Later I think I will post my own page, so that I may give all the details. Basically, I relate almost 100% to RnzWithSizzors33's hazardous work environments.