Fighting for My Job

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I am going through a grievance process at work because I made a joke about my supervisor and that was the last straw for her.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers after I got my ADHD under control.

By then I had told my boss that I wasn't interested in her personal life, that I was not intimidated by her, and also that I understood that she was engaging in discriminatory behavior toward me. Basically she created extra work for me and then tried to document that I was not doing the work.

I didn't care about this until she put stuff in my personnel file. She was reveiwing my work and left 10 documents referring to 10 other people in the file of an eleventh person. We had been talking about reality shows in the office, so I walked up to her, handed her the papers and said XXXXX, you're fired. Everyone in the room laughed, except her. The next day she tried to put in my file that I was creating a hostile work environment. In addition to that she said I wasn't completing my paperwork.
Since I filed the grievance she has been extra polite to me. She says she's trying to protect me by preventing me from working extra shifts. The other supervisors have to get her permission before they can ask me to work.

I have worked in this place for 5 years. They had been nice about my celiac disease, but the last two times we had celebrations, they did not bring alternative food for me. They had been doing that for three years. They have also stopped telling me information about who is going on vacation at what time. And they have stopped making small talk with me. They also shadowed any coworker who talked to me so that I couldn't speak privately with them.

We have got to the point of bringing in a mediator. The business about creating a hostile work environment was dropped because none of my coworkers would support them. In the mediation they told the mediator that they were just trying to help me do my job better. they told him that I seemed very unhappy. They accused me of being paranoid. And they accused me of faking the disappearance of a piece of my paperwork to prove that documents go missing (LOL, if I were going to do that why would I sabotage my own paperwork and not someone elses?). Paranoid? Nah. They really are uncomfortable with me and would like me to leave. The mediator suggested that as one solution - that I leave, they give me a good reference. Ha.

The most telling lie was that I am unhappy. I'm not unhappy. But I realized that they think I should be unhappy because of what they are doing to me by not talking to me and not including me in celebrations and information sharing. This would affect someone who cared about their relationship with these people. They really don't get that I don't care. All I care about is doing a good job. This was very enlightening. The union guy told me that this is how they get rid of people - they make them quit.
So some benfit to having aspergers. Although if I didn't have it I either would have a better job, or I'd do better in that one....

Does your boss know about your AS? also what kind of work do you do? How big is the company you work for?

This might also be useful:

http://www.usdoj.gov/crt/emp/faq.html#whoada

It sounds like everyone wants you gone. They are giving you very blatant hints and any kind of work relationship with them will only deteriorate. The big slap in your face should have been that, after having set a precedent of bringing a special cake for you they have stopped doing so, as they no longer see you as worth the effort. I have worked places where my coworkers did this to people they didn't like.

I would do as the mediator says and quit, and write your own letter of reference and they must sign what you have written as long as it reasonably reflects your work. You have worked there for five years, so it shows you are loyal and will establish a long-term relationship with any other company.

This is obviously my own opinion, but they are just going to make your life worse and it won't get better. When I worked at a law firm, if the secretaries didn't like someone, they would make their life a living hell until that person quit, usually in tears. Talk about hostile work environment.

Tallgirl.

They know about the Aspergers, but they can't hold that in their heads.
It isn't my fellow employees, but my supervisor, her boss and one person who is afraid for her job (she's on maternity leave).
It bothered me more when they were making an effort to bring in special food. Because they didn't bring in things I liked. I carry all my own food so I just eat what I have.
As I said, I care more about doing my job well. I get lots of positive feedback from clients.
It has also been a study in office politics for me. I have been documenting the whole experience. For example, I can manipulate my supervisor by expressing interest in something. So on Monday, we had a request for a stepdown (transfer from a locked psychiatric facility to unlocked facility that my agency runs), and we were short staffed. So I said we should go and do the stepdown since we didn't want cases to build up for the next day. I offered to do it because I wasn't doing anything else. I think she thought I wanted to do it, because she sent someone else. Actually I hate doing stepdowns because they take a long time and you have to drive to the place. So instead of doing the stepdown I spent the day answering calls and surfing the web.
I am also waiting to see if I can find a postdoctoral training program so that I can get licensed as a psychologist. That would start next year.
To me, its not too long to wait.
And since this person behaves the same way towards everyone, there is the possibility that she'll do something that makes the agency drop her. She has been making mistakes and I had been protecting her because she has a head injury and a skeleton in her closet that might prevent her from getting another job. I am not protecting her any more.
And hostile work environments only work when the target cares about his relationships with the people making the place hostile.
The people I have relationships with aren't participating because they are mature enough to have formed their own opinion about me. So the environment isn't completely hostile. In fact, on a regular basis people come to me mystified about her behavior towards me.
I have fun seeing them smile at me and be nice when that isn't what they want to do. I don't mind being nice because I don't have anything against them. This kind of behavior is NT nature, or at least on the continuum of NT behavior. I really can't think of any reason why I should be mean or behave badly toward them.
When I had cats, if my cat scratched me, I didn't walk around waiting for opportunities to scratch it back. That's the cat's nature. It thought it had a good reason to scratch me. It seems absurd for me to sit around thinking of ways of getting revenge for the cat scratching me.
In the same way it seems absurd to participate in this thing of retaliation for being treated badly. The bad treatment is all in their heads. I'm sure it's frustrating them, and that provides me with some amusement, because they are making everything more complicated than it needs to be.
I will not rush out of this job because, as the chinese proverb goes, it is good to have someplace to go. I want the next job to accomodate my aspergers and move me in a positive career direction.

I am a psychiatric crisis clinician. My job is to evaluate people in crisis and get them the help they need. Sometimes this means talking to them, and sometimes it means committing them to a psychiatric unit.
I have a PhD in psychology and did my internship in this area. I fell in love with crisis work so I got a part time job doing that, and did it full time while I did my dissertation. Then I got stuck. I've been stuck since I graduated for much the same reason.
The ten psychologists who ran the doctoral program I attended knew nothing about aspergers and assumed my behavior was volitional. It is entirely possible they attributed my wierd behavior to my being brown-skinned. So they didn't facilitate any movement beyond allowing me to graduate. And since I didn't know anything about networking, I didn't do it for myself. So my career was derailed.
What usually happens is that you develop a relationship with a professor who introduces you to the right people, which gets you your post-doctoral training and more connections. Then you move into the field of your choice and continue making connections. You're actually rated on your connections in some fields (academia is a prime example). I insulted the person who wanted to be my mentor by making a practical decision. He was not helping with the dissertation process. I told him the kind of help I needed, he agreed to do it and then failed to do it.
So I asked him to get off my dissertation committee.
Apparently that's NOT DONE. In the process, I think I made enemies. A lot of hurt feelings I didn't understand because I saw the decision as a practical one and didn't realize people would have feelings about it. Who knew?
I haven't figured out how to get back on track. That's why I'm still stuck.

Neuroman! You Rock!! Thank you so much for your insight on this ugly situation. It helps me be able to deal with these types of situations in my own life.

My advice is do not leave. If you are not miserable and still enjoy your job (at least the work part of your job) why should you be the one to leave? Just keep doing what you are doing.

Where I am working presently, I worked the first three years here, in a very hostile environment. I just kept doing my job and ignoring the nasty treatment I got from my manager and others in the office until, eventually, people started to realize that;
(1.) I wasn't going to be bullied into quitting like others had done in the past, because the manager didn't like me.
(2.) I was going to continue to do a good job despite the ill treatment & harrassment.
(3.) I wasn't the one that was in the wrong and even though I was being treated badly, I continued to treat others decently.

Eventually, other people started treating me with respect (possibly because of my determination?) and started being friendly to me - I guess the whole "let's all bully this person" wears off or they find someone else to harrass - I have no idea.
I still do my job without complaining and now, even the manager that instigated the whole hostile environment is trying to be friendly. I'm a professional, I can work with her even though I do not like her. She thinks, I'm sure, that I have forgotten how horrible she's been to me, and I'm sure she thinks I like her because she's always trying to confide personal stuff to me, but that's not the case. I just know how to work with NT's that "scratch" for no apparent reason

I do know this; if my workplace caught on fire and she was unable to get out without my help....I would help EVERYONE ELSE out of the building First before even allowing the thought to cross my mind, of helping her out to safety. The cockroaches and mice that might be infesting the building would be on a higher priority list than her

This is exactly what went wrong at my job. The first problem occurred when my supervisor began irritating me by telling me personal information while I was trying to do my job. Finally I said to her that I was not interested in her personal life. BIG mistake, but I didn't find out until I started therapy. My therapist was aghast.

I am guessing that my sup thinks I don't like her. Also not true. If the building was burning I would not save the rodents because they're hard to get out of the walls. And I wouldn't save my sup because she's too heavy for me to carry.

I have learned well that the best attitude twoard someone like this is indifference. I had engaged in some concern for her because she had a head injury, and people were calling her an idiot and saying she should quit. I kept telling them we needed to help her, but she didn't understand and thought I was speaking badly about her. So I stopped. It doesn't make sense to try to save a drowning man if he's hitting you in the head and giving you a concussion.

My weakness is saving things that other people believe are lost. I currently have a thriving garden filled with plants other people thought were dead. When I was younger it was kittens (22 at one point). Now it is mental health patients

I don't intend to quit until I find something that similarly meets my need to be helpful in this way.

I, too, am now looking for a new job. I've had it with the one I'm in. It's not so much that the company that I work for does not value their employees and tries to beat as much work out of each employee as they can, it's the customer that we service (I'm in a food service job). It's a large company, kind of like a small town with it's petty politics and people with superiority complexes that think they are more than they are and are to be a priority over anyone else. I feel like I get slammed by both sides, my employer and my customers.

Neuroman, if I understand him right, DT wonders why you haven't talked to him.

In my job the clients like me a lot UNLESS they have those lovely entitlement issues.

Also the ones that are looking for some emotional response to their distress really don't like me.

I don't like the ones who think they are entitled to hug me. It's bad enough to shake their hands.

At least I can ask my coworkers to leave off touching me.

I wish I could get a job as a psychologist, but the whole profession depends heavily on social skills. I am going to a conference this weekend and I should have my act ready to perform and impress the potential employers there, but I am so burnt out by the grievance process that I am ready to not go. I already have a plan to spend the bulk of my time in the hotel room.

I am struggling to maintain my connections. If you talk to DT tell him I'm working on it.

Don't let others get you down...

Don't know much about your situation but I've always thought the best defense is a good offense. Do you have a strategy?

I've always thought it best to deal with long term planning and office conflicts as x's and o's on a gameboard. Also read a good book on tactics

Neuroman, I understand that no form of strategy is going to be effective at producing successful coping in social situations. The burn out will only get worse if you push yourself to function in those situations. That's why you're having burn out in the preliminary phase of the undertaking. Idle chit chat and ingenuine greetings are going to be upsetting to you, because logically you know that it's wasted energy and formality that has no substance anyway. Most NTs automatically program themselves to say and do certain things at certain times with no real concern being attached, just what we think is expected of us by way of a feeling of obligation. The only possible way that I think you would be able to function as a psychologist is if you could provide the service remotely, maybe through the internet or by phone. I think that it would be better if you not go to that conference, but that's only my opinion.

Last edited by DoofusMaximus on 16 Aug 2005, 6:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't understand that advise at all because it seems totally contradictory to what I understand about the issues that an autistic person with Asperger's faces in trying to function in a social situation. From my understanding, the logical thinking of an autistic person with Asperger's does not govern their sensitivity and coping capabilities. From what I've seen, you can't say to an autistic person "don't let others get you down," because it is not an ability that they have. That's really rather cruel to even suggest that to an autistic person, because you're expecting them to do something they're not capable of.

As someone with Aspergers I do not understand people's emotions and such (mind blindness and all) but I can plan tactics. There is a difference.


Maybe an example will help. I worked for a state agency for a while - horrible snake pit. I did not realize they were trying to fire me until it happened - I was asked to resign. So just like I studied in history I listed my options (defend as in call union rep; counter attack as in file discrimination complaint; negotate for best deal possible; find another job.). Then executed a strategy based a battle in the English civil war. Pre-emptive attack (discrimination claim), followed by retreat (negotiations by someone who was good at it), all the while playing for time until I could find another job or get back into grad school.

I came out with a better salary, a better job, and the knowledge that while my methods are blunt they do work.


I think in pictures and All my life I have been obscessed with history and can probably draw out more battle plans than most historians. So when in trouble I deal with arrows on a map not people and I modle my opponent'ts responses as 1, 0, or something unexpected and try to plan contingencies.

If a situation is non confrontational I'll draw state transition maps using behavior models like Poisant's eqn to et at probabilities.

Oh well sorry for the sermon but I guess I just go with strengths and mine is deffinatly not people skills - so very lucky am I that can be logical.

It is probably no crueler than saying "don't let others get you down" to a non autistic person. The reason is that the words "Don't let others get you down..." are practically never meant as a step-by-step guide for remedying a situation, since nobody has the ability to instantaneously change his or her internal emotional reactions to stimuli, especially to other people. Rather, the words are meant as comfort and support for a general change of outlook toward situations involving interpersonal contact.

Also, there are many statements that can be cast as cruel overestimations of a persons abilities, but the ripostes (like the one delivered by DoofusMaximus) can often be cast as similarly cruel underestimations.

I'm just trying to understand. I am in no way bashing anyone, I am learning that you can't approach a person with aspergers the same way that you approach a person who does not have aspergers. I care for DeepThought and find that many times I cannot comfort him like I would a lot of other people. The words and hugs would actually traumatize him and make things worse. He has told me that I was being cruel to him when I said one of those statements suggesting that he have a change of outlook about something that was bothering him, that I was asking him to do something that he was not capable of doing. I can understand julieme's logical thinking, which is common with people with aspergers, to come up with a way to deal with interpersonal relationships. I just thought a person with aspergers could not appreciate a suggestion to change their outlook toward anything.

Doufus, no biggie. I am rarely offended.

Instead of touching me or saying platatudes when I am upset my partner reminds me what I need to do to settle and then lets me do it: deep breathing and going away from the world / shutting it off for a while; spinning on the floor or otherwise stimming; rollerblading for an hour; curling up on the floor with my dogs.

Tom will also ask if he can help me work things out. Typically he starts this conversation with a platitude but all a platitude means is "Can I help you but NTs tend not to put it that way". Then I lay out the game board or map in my head and he helps with assessment. Logical as I am there are things I miss - and second opinions are a good thing

Hope you and deep thought are happy. Tom and I are.