When your autism threatens your career...

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Hi All,
I'm in my early 30s and work as an Art Director. I guess you could say I was really fortunate to find a company that recognized my talents and quickly promoted me to a leadership role. I am good at my job, and my team seems to like me; however, I am quickly finding that my "symptoms" are a major obstacle in the workplace. I've become known as the "fussy guy" who doesn't like loud noises or the smell of people's air fresheners. I have a very hard time talking to certain people, and I usually stand in the corner and play with my phone during office events. Lately my CEO/Boss has been harping on me about not being social enough, and even hinted that it was required to keep my job. I try to interact with people, but it seems they don't want to talk to me, and usually walk away after 10 seconds. It is extremely frustrating to have people criticize you for not being social, then reject you when you try to talk to them.

When I was in college, my teachers seemed perfectly content with me as long as I had excellent grades. I don't understand why social interaction is so important in the workplace. Can't people just accept that I do good work and leave me alone? Perhaps I am just working at the wrong company.

Has anyone experienced similar problems? If I go to another company, am I going to run into the same problem again?

Thanks,
Matthew

Welcome to WP, loxosceles.

Sadly, I get the impression that this is common, even when explicit socialising isn't strictly a job requirement, and it has been my downfall in several jobs. Even if social interactions aren't necessary at all to perform the work, if managers and colleagues decide that your "face doesn't fit" it can lead either to direct conflicts or to unbearable anxiety that leads to a burn out.

At the last place I worked, I saw both sides. I started out on the electronics assembly line, where there were a small number of people all doing jobs that required careful concentration. It was perfectly normal for any of us to go quiet for long periods when we had a particularly tricky job, so chit-chat was quite sparse. At that time it was only a small hi-tech startup, and, stereotype though it might be, there was a general acceptance of slightly odd people. It also helped that we couldn't look directly at each other when chatting, so there was a more level playing field for non-verbal communication, which I'm pretty poor at.

When the company expanded, I got promoted to the Research and Development section. I enjoyed the actual design work, but I was now part of multiple projects with conflicting priorities, different team members, and involving lots of meeting, negotiations, reviews, lunchtime "team building" activities etc. I got into several disciplinary situations for things said in meetings or e-mails which were deemed inappropriate, though I never understood the explanations why. My inability to deal with negotiations led me to take on too much work and to be over-optimistic with costings and deadlines. I was constantly setting myself up to fail in order to avoid confrontation or having to explain why I was struggling. By the time I finished work each day, I had totally had enough of dealing with other people and would end up pacing and stimming for hours before barely getting any sleep. After a couple of years with no social life, no family contact and barely managing my basic physical needs, my "facade" at work eventually collapsed too.

Ironically, that employer was by far the most accommodating to people with disabilities that I had ever been employed by, though my autism wasn't known back then for it to make much difference to me. I could also get by with most colleagues and CEO individually, albeit very superficially. However, while it wasn't an explicitly "social" job, there was still a level of interaction with other people which was beyond my ability or tolerance.

When people talk of getting more people with disabilities into employment, I think that the fact that work is a social environment is too easily forgotten, which puts many neuro-diverse people at a disadvantage even when they have the necessary vocational skills. The difficult part is that you have to be somewhere for a while before you know whether your face will fit there or not, but as the assembly line job showed me, it is possible, and knowing this has altered the kind of employment that I'll be seeking in the future.

While I don't have a solution to your issue, I can relate in that I have dealt with this for my entire career although I didn't understand why until I started to recognize myself with ASD. I do not have an official diagnosis though, to be clear. I always did well in school, but once I worked with the public for any length of time I did not do well.

I will watch this thread for others responses as well.


FF

That's pretty good that you became an Art Director. I can never hope to aspire to become an Art Director.

What do the people in your office talk about? If they talk about Art, why not join in?

But if they talk about the Lottery or something, just put in a couple of bucks a month, and you should be okay.

They probably talk about mundane boring stuff.

If you think you're going to be fired over this, I would start looking for another job. Another option is to disclose your status, and then they'll be afraid of facing a lawsuit if they fire you...

I think trying to be more social will backfire, it seems this is already happening.

Is it possible to find some other strategy, and propose this to your boss? To tell him that you really are much better at dealing with people when you are focusing on a task rather than small talk? AS communication differences can be rough, particularly if you are the manager of someone. There are other ways of communicating with people. You're an Art Director, you're a creative guy, use your creativity to solve this problem in a way that works for you and your organization. Maybe using some intranet solution for communicating rather than face to face? Aspies tend to do better in writing, maybe you could use illustration as well?

You might end up being seen as innovative rather than awkward, and in that case they may be willing to overlook your weaknesses.

It's always good to be proactive with stuff like this. Make things happen, then they don't have time to get annoyed with you.

I really wouldn't jump and quit this job.

What exactly has the boss said pertaining to you "being social?"

In what state of inebriation was said boss?

I believe, in most places, that if you're at least superficially pleasant to people, that you don't have to be a "social butterfly" on the job. It's more important, to most bosses, that you do your job well, rather than be the life of the party. And that you don't act aloof, or get offended easily over little things.

Saying this, I have found that going along with people who do the lottery often wins you friends, for some reason.

I’m going through something very similar. I was told to make friends which has nothing to do with my job and is not required for my job. I submitted a disability letter and asked for accommodations to protect myself. Someone I work with told me that he wanted to know what I thought. No, you really don’t want to know. I don’t say much because they won’t like what I have to say. It is what it is. I just want to be left alone to do my job.


- Don’t quit. You’ve accomplished a lot and you shouldn’t give it up just because they don’t understand you.
- If you’re afraid of getting fired, get a disability letter and ask for accommodations - maybe for the noise, smells, social “requirement”, and a quiet place for you to decompress. It won’t hurt to ask.
- If you have trouble saying good morning, then try saying something else. Maybe it’s just those words you can’t say or try waving if you feel you can’t speak. Worst case scenario for me: smile and nod.
- I don’t look at people much either when we’re talking and that’s just the way it is.

Short story - adapt. If there is something you can’t do, then find a different way to get it done. If that’s not possible, then do your best to help them understand. Seek help when needed. Don’t give up.

In the US you can check the EEOC and ADA websites for your rights at work.

Because of the title you share I am going to assume you have elevated resources/pay. Someone without the resources might not have this option as it can become expensive... but there is always therapy.

Just this year I started engaging in therapy with a online service called "Talkspace". My therapist is great and she has already given me insight into things that I can do that help me get around my difficulties and anxiety. I am trying to work my way into a director position at a fortune 500 company and I know that without help my issues will hold me back or sabotage me once I am there. The approx $160 per month that I pay for the ability to type back and forth daily with a therapist is well worth it!

Another online service that some people like is called betterhelp. It's a little more popular but the membership plans didn't suit me as well.

If you do go for therapy, make sure to ask for someone experienced in ASD/Aspergers

I feel for you. I think many of us can recognise themselves in this.

I work as an actress, which unfortunately require a lot of networking.

I alienate people because I have close to zero social skills (but then I do not kiss ass, I am not fake etc) and most people find me too weird. ( but I have good friends who take me for what I am, a truly candid person).

I think it is good to share your diagnosis, as it might make them understand better what you go through. On the other hand, every time I have disclosed, people have got so many prejudices that Iwas not always sure it was worth the bother.