Manager pretending to be on my side

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I've been working for this manager for 10 months now and she constantly goes on about us being mates and wants me to see her as a friend as well as a colleague and manager. I tried this for a while but have found that anything I say to her as a friend she listens to and pretends to understand then a few days later goes straight back to acting like she was before.

I have problems with customers sometimes and have been threatened by them so she says she'll transfer me to another store but is also refusing to transfer me. Its all very confusing and I feel like all she cares about is how the shop seems to upper management and not actually how i feel.

I think that's probably true. And basically that's saying she has the same issues you do: she has to please her bosses.

You will always be more successful if you can understand what makes your boss tick and satisfy some of that person's needs at work.

If you have no idea, you could simply ask. "What kind of performance from me (employee) can make you (employer) most successful?" I know it sounds radical, but it just might work.

She took me on as an employee knowing about how my mind works and said it wouldn't be a problem and things would be put in place to make my job easier/not stressful. I have had three massive arguments with customers because of the way I've been forced to work (long hours, alone) and the latest one has caused a massive disruption in my life. I can't afford to not work there but the job is killing all the progress I've made with my mental health and coping mechanisms.

I'm a 'yes' person, eager to please and will do anything to help others out as I believe that is how you get people to like you so have frequently been doing above and beyond what my contract asks of me to help them out and they're still treating me like crap. I don't expect special treatment but I hate people who don't just say to your face what they mean and what they actually want

Stop doing above and beyond and working overtime. You clearly aren't able to handle the load, if you are having big disagreements with customers.

I shouldn't need to tell you that you can't have many fights with customers before you're a liability, not an asset.

It sounds like you need to be honest, yourself, with your employer, and let her know the extra hours and any other extras you do are actually making things worse for you. Then you need to put your foot down and assert some limits. Stop being a yes person, it isn't working for you.

Does the employer know about the big disagreements with customers? I don't think I would tell that, if they don't already know. You can just say you aren't able to give good service and also mention it is eroding your well-being.

I have stopped doing all the extra work for a while as it was killing me. When I first got the job I was still living at home and therefore only ten minutes away from the shop and could do the extra hours without much effort, now I have moved and my commute is 35+mins each way I have not been able to do it. However with the reduced hours I have noticed a lack of funds and especially with the extra petrol I have to use to get there it is really draining me and stressing me out.

Manager is refusing to transfer me to another store because my 'customer service' skills are not good enough yet the lack of them is caused by the added stress. I have had a customer call me a fat c*nt and threaten to snap and possibly kill me if I 'wronged' him again and NOTHING is being done about it. I am not in the type of job where disagreements with customers go unnoticed as there is a grand total of 4 members of staff in the store and we have the same customers every single day.

Maybe it's time for you to move on to something better. You could apply at other places and see where it goes from there. Also remember that you have a good chance at any workplace to encounter people with less than desirable personalities.