"politics", disclosure, and fear of (job-)change

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evening all,

I'd like to solicit your opinions on an ongoing tricky situation at work: I've been running it through my brain on and off for over a year with no satisfying conclusions. I've been working at (basically) the same (academic/technical) job for over 15 years. I believe The Boss (= project leader, my immediate superior) wants to keep me on the payroll (mostly for my knowledge of "legacy" stuff, much of which I've written myself), but he has in recent years repeatedly demonstrated his unwillingness to communicate with me directly (except to scold me for social gaffes, I haven't heard or read a word from him in over 2 years), or to "cover my back" vis-a-vis my Least Favorite Colleague ("LFC"). The LFC (I'm guessing he's NPD, but it's not for me to say) is a socially adept but (in my opinion) otherwise incompetent schemer/"politician" type with whom I want nothing to do whatsoever (and with whom I have no direct contractual/organizational contact whatsoever), and has had me on his excrement-list for about 5 years (since I publicly revealed one of his schemes (yes, it was socially stupid of me to to that... big surprise)). In recent weeks, LFC has stepped up his defamatory rhetoric and (poorly constructed) polemics (he seems to have appointed himself chairman of the (officially non-existent) "committee to tell [me] what [my] job is"). I find myself spending about 90% of my time going over LFC's rhetoric, identifying fallacies and typing pages of counter-arguments (for my eyes only) until I'm almost at meltdown point (at which point I start wailing away at a small stringed instrument). Then the next day, I go over what I've written and "boil it down". After a week or so of iterations, I've got some kind of homeopathic distillation of counter-argument that's logically sound and framed in socially acceptable language (nb: this is all happening in a foreign (to me) language).

I'm sick of it. I can't handle the constant adrenaline and social/political guess-work. My family certainly doesn't deserve the high-strung near-meltdown version of me who emerges from the cellar at dinnertime. My other colleagues probably don't deserve that either. As I see it, I've got basically 3 options at this point:

1) "shut up and deal with it": keep on keeping on, do what I have to do (but no more) to keep the "politics" (this is an offensive word for me ~ "(social) manipulation, misrepresentation, scheming, intrigue, lying") in check. This isn't a very attractive option (see above).

2) "disclose my diagnosis to The Boss": make it someone else's problem ... or at least ask for help from the only person with the (nominal) authority *to* help (i.e. Ye Olde Bosse). I'm very doubtful whether this would be fruitful, given The Boss's behavior toward me in recent years, and the fact that I've already discussed the specific issues (trust, explicit communication, fair warning, mono-tasking, etc.) with him twice in the past 3 years -- each time leaving the discussion believing there would be improvement on the horizon, but each time without any demonstrable results (= quickly disappointed / disillusioned). Also worthy of note: pretty much every other "technical" employee or associate who's reached my level of seniority under The Boss has left the project shortly thereafter (including my Former Boss and ex-business-partner of The Boss himself, who (Former Boss, whom I trust) has encouraged me to "get out of there, or else you'll get sick").

3) "run away": leave my position of 15 years and find something else. I'm actively looking, applying, and interviewing, but it's a (potential) change of mind-boggling and stomach-twisting proportions (with which I do not deal well -- I imagine folks here know what I'm talking about), and it feels like "giving up" on what is (by any "objective" standard) really a Good Job (nearby, good pay, within my realm of competence, etc.).

So: apologies for the long rant, but I'm at my wits' end here, and I'd appreciate any thoughts you have to offer.

I would stay at my present job until you have a definite job offer elsewhere.

No matter where you go, you'll run into the same crap.

Workplace bullying... Had that... Worked 30 hours a week. PId for 12 hours. Usual stuff. Ended up with serious burnout. Left job... Took a few years to recover.

Thanks for the replies; it's good to feel that someone is listening (even if I'm just whining).

That's certainly the plan for option (3) ... but the longer I stay, the more inertia seems to set in (= the tougher it gets to work up the courage and energy to leave)


Sadly, that too sounds plausible.


If it's not prying: how/when did you identify your serious burnout (before/after leaving that job)? I've gone through Dr. Internet's checklists (cynicism & disillusionment:✓, apathy/demotivation:✓, exhaustion:✓, desperation & self-doubt:✓, stress:? (probably also ✓, but by definition an extra-ordinary circumstance, which this isn't ... but maybe I'm being too literal)), and it looks like that may be where I too am heading (if not already there). Also, what did recovery involve?

Do #3, but meanwhile, perform only the minimum you can get away with in your current role; devote more time to self- care. (But still appear compliant and motivated - just to keep up appearances.)

You must get away from all this critique of polemics. You know in your heart it's all B.S., so LET IT GO ... you don't need to answer it, nor pore over it. I know autistics are fond of logic and of holding to an argument they believe in, but you need to walk away from that part.

You'll find another position, but it makes excellent sense to do this BEFORE you get sick from the stress, or they fire you due to being redundant.

Revenge is sweet. When you establish at another job, and your current employers are trying to deal with the legacy system without your expertise, you can just chuckle about their childish manipulations. Look forward to that day.

yeah, not so good at that :-/ ... very likely good advice, though, for which I'm grateful.



I've had this thought/fantasy too... it's fairly satisfying, right up until the point where I turn it around, and I become the pampered/entitled/arrogant rich-kid-on-the-playground threatening to "take my ball (=brain) and go home" (did I mention self-doubt?).

Nonetheless, thanks for the input!

I went through that in film school. Some jerk outed me for being republican. Luckily I got my first film proposal on my first try. Before that happened, currently writing the movie, stay in the closet as long as you can they, can't do anything when you retire!

Thanks again to all for your input. Turned in my letter of resignation today, after signing contract with future employer yesterday.

Great that you found something else and can leave a job that is unhealthy.

I want to add one things however. If you really are the only person that understands the legacy systems, they will call you when something goes wrong and they cannot figure out how to fix it. Indeed, train someone during the 2 week leaving period but after that, make is known that if you do any work for them, it will be on an independent contractor basis and your fee will reflect that.

Good point, thanks. I assume that any future requests for assistance (and yes, I do anticipate them) will come from folks I've worked closely with and genuinely want to help. So yeah, better to make that clear up front.

Make sure you watch your earnings, and how you are taxed.

I sort of wish you were an "employee," rather than an "independent contractor." But if you feel being an IC benefits you, then it's all right with me.

Also a good point, also thanks. The new position will be as a contract employee. I assume any work for the old shop such as demeus described will be on an independent-contractor kind of basis. And yeah, the tax laws for that sort of thing are very strict here.