Why do people dislike me at work?

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I swear, I'm fed up with this. It's been going on since I was nineteen. There's always a handful of girls, usually 3 or 4, that just don't like me. And it's usually from the get-go. I can just feel it. Right now I'm volunteering at a library, and I'm reshelving videos and books. I come into the circulation room, and some of them avert their eyes. They never make an effort to speak to me. I have tried with them once, but I'm only there for 3 hours. Plus, with them acting like this, I really don't feel like making an effort. I can only do so much with my personality.

I came in to the library to check out some videos, and one of them saw me in the checkout line and got up when they saw me. I got out of line to get something else, and came back. She was there again, and when she saw me she got up again and let her coworker help. These people don't even know me. How can they be so rude? I've only volunteered there a month.

What do you think? Some say they might be shy, but this seems more than just shyness. Some say I look aggressive, but I can't get surgery to look nicer. I checked with my supervisor and she thinks I seem friendly. So what gives with these women? Can you relate to this?

Last edited by CaptainTrips222 on 06 Oct 2011, 5:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

I know the feeling. With me I think my facial expressions set people off. Or the lack of eye contact. I can alienate people with a split-second glance that doesn't quite meet their eye. Or a smile that's a bit lopsided. It doesn't take much to creep people out. It's almost like we give off some vibe that NT's pick up on.

Not to sound all new-agey, but I wouldn't be too surprised if in the far future, they'll somehow determine that our physiology actually does give off a vibration, and certain types of brains go hand-in-hand with different vibrations, and people actually do pick up on it. I honestly wouldn't be even slightly surprised.

CaptainTripps, that's the story of my life. I've never understood what I do 'wrong' but there's obviously something. I'll never get used to it but I accept it knowing that's how life is.

there will be unpleasant types no matter where one goes on this earth.

But they're only unpleasant with me, or so I feel.

i feel the same way, they are only unpleasant to me, everybody else loves the SOBs to pieces.

That's so weird how some of the rudest, meanest people are the most popular at a job.

Sounds like my workplace... majority are girls who all get on really well... they guys get on with the girls and each other as well... but im pretty sure im the only one who goes a whole shift without talking to anyone...

everybody but the omegas worships the alphas.

I mostly feel the loneliness arising out of this. I feel pressured. The pressure comes from knowing that part of job and also graduate school success comes from building successful connections and networks. Pierre Bourdieu would call it building social capital: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_capital

I could go in longer on this, but lets just say that one day, social capital could be the thing that matters most.

Does anyone have insight on when the window of opportunity for new friends closes? A friend told me that it was usually within 2 weeks at a new place of work or a new cohort program, and after experiencing this twice recently I have to agree. I managed to introduce myself but beyond formalities found that I seldom had the chance to open up. After those two weeks passed I was being passed over.

it has been my experience that most humans give you only one chance to get on their good side. if you fail that chance you are finished with them or they are finished with you.

Until you finally start ignoring their dumba**. Then they get upset and wonder why you're being cold. What the hell is wrong with these hypocrites?

Well said, but really quick here, two things---

Never in your mind compare our social structure to that of wolves. We have a leader, but we don't always have an omega. It will make you feel like garbage if you keep seeing yourself as an omega. And thank god we have more leeway than wolves do! As the outsider, at least SOME people will be nice to us. If we were modeled after a wolf pack, nobody would.

Second, you'd be (not so) surprised at how many people secretly are annoyed with the alphas. They put on a facade to survive, but never truly like them.

when i was in the military environment, it WAS like a wolfpack! i WAS the omega and the only thing that kept me from being cast out of the "pack" as the lone omega wolf, was the fact that i was by dint of either enlistment or employment fulfilling a role there that few others wanted to do. but i was largely shunned, few people would bother to chat with me for any reason, and those few people were usually from other sections. i now live as a hermit out in the middle of nowhere amongst the smogberry trees precisely because i was cast out of the working world and the rat race. i just couldn't keep up with the rest of civilization. so here i am in all my omega glory, in my tin can typing this.



i guess i always was crummy at seeing past people's facades, like i couldn't do it at all, ever.

It usually comes as a revelation when the alpha isn't around. People drop hints- they might resentfully mutter, "a$$hole," when the person barks out a command or makes a snide remark. Of they might say "______ is dumb," with a hint of irritation. Or if you ask them what they think, they'll shrug and chuckle and say "______'s fuc**e up."

They would never say it to their face, and they will continue to Kaotow to them to keep their place in the pecking order. But they often don't actually like them. I learned you're rarely alone in your sentiments about ______.