Accusations of an "attitude problem"??

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I've noticed from a few sources (outside of WP) that Aspies in the workplace tend to receive accusations of having an "attitude problem", which is largely based on misunderstandings (sadly & occasionally based on bully set-ups, too).

It seems like a lot of luck but also continuous desire to do better on my part that I didn't get this sort of accusation in my working years, even part-time fast-food in high school. Maybe people were able to see through my fumbles and oddness to see that I really was a well-intended, hard-working, devoted person who desired harmony despite my errors in judgement.

So I wonder, how could anyone mistake an Aspie for having an "attitude problem" in the workplace???
I believe it comes down to three possibilities...
1) Aspies tend to ask "obvious" questions for clarification on tasks, rules, etc, which can come off as passive-aggressive
2) They can appear insensitive when they don't pick up on the unstated preferences of others
3) ...and then there's the dreaded "not listening" accusation when they fail to interpret a person's non-literal meaning, which can also be construed as passive-aggressive

Then, of course, there's the more insidious "attitude problem" accusation, where an office bully will deliberately try to push the Aspie's buttons to get him/her to react in an upset way, which is exactly what the bully wants - so they can warn them "either clear up that attitude or you're gone". From my own experience, I came close to this accusation, but I saw what the bully was up to so I didn't give them what they were looking for. I just left for another job.

So my advice to all out there on the spectrum in the working world, if you ever get one of those "attitude problem" accusations more than once, I would strongly recommend you disclose your condition - nothing to lose at that point - and as guideline, I'm almost certain that the accusation would be rooted in one or more of the three items described in the list above

Man do I hate that, its usually one of the reasons I get fired or 'talked to' at jobs. I just don't really know how to adjust my personality for a work environment if that is the sort of crap I should expect to put up with.

That's EXACTLY what my boss says...that I have an ATTITUDE problem

I think also what can cause that accusation is not giving off the right non-verbal signals that say, "I recognize you as an authority figure and submit to your authority." It looks like defiance if you don't do it, I think. And also there is the problem of not realizing that you're supposed to give off such signals in the first place.

I was really lucky with my first 2 jobs, but at later jobs I realized that getting the work done is not always the most important thing -- the social heirarchy would sometimes be the most important thing, depending on the ego/attitude/neuroticism of the boss or supervisor.

I got written up for insubordination for asking too many why questions. All I wanted to know is why the doctor wanted a particular part of the test done so I could know for future reference. I got talked to for asking for some simple accommodations that would now have to be legally implemented, back then I didn't have anything diagnosed.

to Sweetleaf - yes, that can be irritating for many of us on the spectrum - I would recommend turning to Barbara Bissonnette of Forward Motion Coaching, she specialises in training & coaching those on the spectrum for the workplace, dealing with deciphering unspoken expectations, politics, seeing the big picture, etc. She has a book for sale too. (I don't work for her firm, I'm a client though ) If you are confronted about your abnormalities, you could tell them that you are currently using this professional development resource on your own resources, and if they are reasonable, they will admire your initiative and determination.


to WhoKnowsWhy - you might want to probe the underlying reasons as to why your boss made that comment, to determine if he genuinely perceives an attitude problem, or if he is just resorting to bully tactics. Think back, if you can recall a time where you said some of his criticism was unfair, but in a calm and reasoned way (that's standing up for yourself, not always a bad thing), then that might have given him the fodder for the "bad attitude" accusations. Just like when the schoolyard bully tries to provoke you into saying something, so he can escalate his attack. Same mentality. Ask him for specific examples, if he says "see what I mean, you're questioning me, that's inappropriate- and you should already know this" then it's 99% sure a bully tactic. If he gives you specific examples, then it's a good time to disclose your ASD so that you can demonstrate it's not an atittude problem at the root of these issues.

to AppleInMyEye - yes, these non-verbal signals we unwitting project at times can torpedo relationships and cause misplaced perceptions of "attitude problem". I have a perfect example from my own experience; for a while, I was told that I had negative non-verbal from being hunched over, appearing subdued & lacking confidence, etc. So I overcompensated that by standing up & walking very straight, and I didn't know it till someone told me that I was looking at people down and through the nose, which is construed as patronizing. So I corrected this since. I guess it's part of the ASD tendency to think in black-and-white

to 169Kitty - I completely sympathize, this is something I too encountered in my work life, when I found out through the gossip chain that I was too intrusive in my quest for knowledge and didn't respect the (unwritten) boundaries of my role. I believe this comes down to Theory of Mind (ToM) and central coherence (ability to distinguish between relevant & irrelevant facts in a given context). In my case, in an IT role, I had asked a question about what something the server operations team did and was told that I was not focusing on my duties and being "distracted" - the guy told me that rumours were circulating that I must have ADHD. It wasn't so much an "attitude problem" like inadvertently affronting the dignity of a professional like a doctor or lawyer, but just overstepping my boundaries.

It sucks that you were subject to the nuanced NT interpretation that asking an innocent question for the sake of curiosity was construed as as an affront to a professional ( which = insubordination), and that NTs intuitively would know this was improper but you didn't.

All in all - if you're curious about some aspect of a profession like a med test, it's best to discretely note it down then check it on the web later I've been practicing this since to avoid friction.

I was actually told that I was passive-aggressive by my University's Dean of the School, at this accusation I started crying and she asked me if I was having problems with my mom, I wasn't, but she insisted I was, she insulted me throughout our entire meeting, and then later when I met her with my mom, she insulted me right in front of me even though I wasn't even doing anything for her to criticize me for..
She also told me I should quit school.. So much for helping me..

Goodness, I'm so glad I found this post. I've been accused of having an attitude problem my whole life. Mostly from family members, a few times from teachers in school, but work until maybe the past 4 years was never really a problem. Now that I realize I may have AS, it totally makes sense why. I do have issues with authority and don't always communicate with bosses well, and if they do something hypocritical, it's hard for me not to notice and react even if I don't say anything. When I get overwhelmed at work, I tend to shut down and am not the relatively "cheerful" person I was when I walked in the door, and people take that as an attitude. Or if my co-workers are slacking off and I have to cover for them I certainly can't hide my annoyance.

I was fired for the first time in life a little over a year ago, and not for any reason other than "not adhering to customer service guidelines". That's all they told me, and wouldn't even give examples of what I did wrong, so I knew there was a reason they were hiding. Recently, at my current job where I've worked for over 3 years, my boss took me out for a coffee (which is completely uncharacteristic) and said he noticed a change in my attitude. This is not a man who goes out of his way to notice or care anything about anyone else, so the fact he actually called me out was surprising.

I think a lot of it does have to do with misunderstanding others, especially since i work in retail and customers say all kinds of things to you, and much of it is passive-aggressive or condescending or rude. I'm certain I thought someone was being rude when they weren't and it affected my interaction with them. Same with co-workers. Added to a sometimes busy and fast paced environment, and I'm sure to have a shut down at some point and start being very short with people and feel bothered by them. Lesson learned: retail probably isn't the job for me.

I'm so glad I found this post. So much meat here. First of all, the list of things that make people think I have an attitude problem:

1) Aspies tend to ask "obvious" questions for clarification on tasks, rules, etc, which can come off as passive-aggressive
2) They can appear insensitive when they don't pick up on the unstated preferences of others
3) ...and then there's the dreaded "not listening" accusation when they fail to interpret a person's non-literal meaning, which can also be construed as passive-aggressive

is EXACTLY me, especially #1, which has always driven my husband CRAZY! The last time he told me to get out a cake pan. I said what kind? Round, Square, Bundt? He was busy and aggravated at something else, and he just refused to give me an answer, getting angrier and angrier at me because I refused to stop asking that question. He couldn't understand why I didn't just get a pan, and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't answer my question. I MUST always know exactly the details or the rules for the task, and one of the biggest issues early in our marriage would be him saying "Just figure it out!" To which I would respond with being paralyzed with not knowing what he wanted me to do. (BTW, he later apologized for losing his temper with me about the pans.)

#2 is also true - people say things they don't mean ("no, I don't want anything for Christmas"), but you know from experience that they probably mean the opposite. Or they hint at something, but they don't come out and say it, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do except if I've been through this situation over and over again.

#3 - OMG! I've heard this so often in social situations! I've had to train myself to pay attention in public and stay with them, but at home, my poor husband has to put up with me interrupting because I can't seem to stop myself. Then he tells me stuff and I don't remember. I think I AM listening, but obviously I am not. Also, being distracted by something I am mentally obsessing over hinders the listening as well.

But the worst is when I'm in charge of a project, but I have to rely on others to do some part for me to finish. Supposedly, I am NOT supposed to follow-up behind volunteers who have said they would do something and ask them why it hasn't been done. I was told I was stressing out the other volunteers this way. My INTENSITY (or as my husband says, my PASSION for making sure enverything is done and done right) makes people nervous. I was basically asked not to work with other volunteers because of it. In the meanwhile, I couldn't sleep at night knowing these lists of tasks were going undone - and the person in charge I guess could care less.

I was fortunate up to this time to have people who wanted me to be this way - working either for myself or in situations where I was hired for my positive AS functions - database admin, web programmer, audio/video producer. However, in the "social" aspect of the workplace, I was like a child. I just don't understand why people are mean, and can't handle people not letting me explain myself.

Sorry for going on and on - I am just so hungry to find others who do any of these same things so I don't feel so defective and all alone.

At work there is a reason why you can't ask to many questions. If you ask a Doctor why he is performing an unnecessary test do you expect him to tell you it is because he has bills to pay.

I was fired from a job because I was handing out too many fliers. I was told by my Boss that I was forcing people to accept my fliers so I asked for clarification. The truth was that shoppers wanted my fliers because they thought I was handing out coupons but I was really handing out Communist propaganda. Kids wanted my fliers because of the cartoons. Naturally the parents were upset because they thought I was indoctrinating their children. Later on it dawned on me that it was not my job to hand out fliers but rather to pretend to hand out fliers. That is what my Boss wanted but he could not tell me directly.

I've gotten that I'm "not social enough" before, which bugs me, especially with the job where I was working at a library. What's sad is that I was actually trying
I haven't gotten told I have attitude problem, I don't know if I will because I'm very submissive and passive in social situations for the most part, though I do have a backbone when needed. I mean, I try to please, you're the ones that I need your references/I'm getting paid for. It's just that when that backbone comes, it's usually not done too well DX That hasn't come out in the workplace yet, and I don't really expect it to.
It does help that my Autistic traits easier to hide at this point, draining for me, but it helps me look "normal".

The best attitude to have at work is to roll over and do whatever the boss says. My parents and most of their friends are securely employed and have been for quite some time, and they all have that same passive attitude. That's not to say "Down with the establishment!" or anything like that, but consistently being yourself doesn't fly in the workplace. Sometimes, you have to learn to eat s**t and like the taste of it. Of course, you don't want to eat your fill