Unemployed for a long time?
Hello DavidM,
You sound quite unhappy...and I don't blame you one bit.
When I was growing up and getting frustrated with trying to make (and keep) friends and wondering why people blew up at me, people would say "It's really simple...just treat people as you want to be treated...show respect...don't be rude...just be like everyone else."
HELLO! As far as I knew, I was doing all that, except for being like everyone else, and in that case I had no idea how I differed from others, how I could change that or even why I should have to. Of course, it was easy...for them. Which made their additional remarks like "You're so smart, if only you just learned to get along with others...." so much more enjoyable.
Here's a hint: If someone's failing to do something which is second nature to most people - especially if that someone also does many other things easily - odds are there's something going on with that person that's making it much more difficult for him/her to do whatever it is. Talking about how simple and easy it is only comes off as demeaning and insulting.
And blaming, which is bad. Unfortunately, people tend to assume we're behaving the way we are on purpose, while they would never assume someone, say, bumps into walls on purpose.
It's not our fault that we have difficulty "working the room*," any more than it's blind people's fault that they have difficulty navigating the room. It is, however, our responsibility to learn techniques for working the room, just as it's blind people's responsibility to learn how to effectively use a white cane and read Braille.
Everyone, Aspie or NT, has some problems in one's life, including a few that aren't one's fault. It is, however, everyone's responsibility to do whatever is necessary to have a better life given these problems.
Blind people have to live in a society in which most people can see, and thus like it or not they have to learn to get around places where most people do so instinctively. They may or may not ever be able to navigate as well as people who can see, but they can certainly do so much better than if they never practiced.
Likewise, we Aspies have to live in a society in which most people are NTs, and thus like it or not we have to learn to get around in social situations where most people do that instinctively. We may or may not ever be able to navigate as well as NTs, but we can certainly do so much better than if we never practiced.
What do you think, DavidM?
[*] An expression for networking or schmoozing, that is going into a room full of people and having productive conversations with many of them.
_________________
Jeff Deutsch
Speaker & Life Coach
A SPLINT - ASPies LInking with NTs
http://www.asplint.com
[*] And that's why social skills are always important, btw.
Tekneek, you interpreted the job interviewer's question too literally. What they want to know from this kind of question is basically: Why do you think you are well-suited for this job? and What can you offer that most people probably cannot? A job interview is a negotiation. They are looking for somebody who can meet the company's needs. You are looking for money and personal/career enrichment. Their question is simply in line with trying to see how well you can meet the company's needs.
asplint: While it's good to show enthusiasm and confidence in a job interview, I'd be careful about emphasizing competition. I would also never describe competitors as "being ground into the dust" in an interview, though I know you are just exaggerating a bit for effect here. One, the interviewers can suspect that if your competitive spirit is too vigorous, you will also actively compete against members of your own company. People want to work with team players, not self-absorbed jerks. Two, you can learn a lot from your company's competition. There are things other people and other companies do well and frankly, probably better than you and your prospective employer, so showing humility when you highlight your own strengths is important. Yes, the superstars with the resumes full of accomplishments and accolades look great on paper, but it's the more subtle social skills like humility that'll make you look more human, more affable and easy to work with. If you don't know to a large extent how your interviewer perceives the company and his or her co-workers, it's probably best to take a balanced approach first, and then tailor it as you get more info about the company and get a sense of the company culture (e.g. if they seem to be highly competitive, you can try to match that... within your own set limits of course).
_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy?
Hello Stinkypuppy,
Excellent points!
Please allow me to clarify, since on re-reading my post I see I misworded it:
I would not have advised literally using the phrase "grind into the dust" in an interview. I was suggesting being forthright about one's accomplishments and letting the interviewer conclude that one would - figuratively - grind the other applicants and then the firm's competition into the dust.
That phrase was a serious mistake on my part, especially with fellow Aspies given that we tend to take things overly literally - let alone while suggesting someone take a different term less literally.
You have a point about interview demeanor. To some extent it depends on the kind of job and the kind of firm. Certain jobs, especially things like commissioned sales and debt collections, look for a go-getter attitude and encourage lots of competition among the staff. Other places, like hospitals, may not rely so heavily on competition.
Allow me to revise my advice: Show how you are the best by highlighting the facts - especially in terms of numbers, such as money saved, percentage of patients who recovered, how many people managed, etc. - and letting the interview conclude both on that basis and how well s/he got along with you (not necessarily in that order, but both are important), that you have in effect ground the other applicants into the dust.
Last but not least, I like your blog post "Black and white... and grey all over" - I've dedicated my work to bridging the gaps between Aspies and NTs and I couldn't have said this better myself.
Cheers,
_________________
Jeff Deutsch
Speaker & Life Coach
A SPLINT - ASPies LInking with NTs
http://www.asplint.com
As much as I work on it, I don't think I can ever stop taking everything literally at first. I've also never been in that type of situation. All other unemployed periods in my adult life were of my own choosing. In my younger days, I would work until I had a certain amount of money saved, and then quit my job. Even though I liked most of my jobs, and most of the people I worked with, it would really wear on me to have to go in 5 days a week and interact with them all day long.
I list my work status as unemployed, but I actually have a job.
Let me explain.
I deliver flyers with the assistance of my mother (since 2003). I realize that this could be called a job, I have been told by a sibling that this does not qualify as a job. Apparently a "real" job is one where "you come in everyday even when you don't feel like it. Everyone you work with hates you and you can't do anything about it. And you really need the money." (her words, paraphrased.)
So it seems that real work will be forever out of my reach, since the job is only for one day, my mother gets paid not me, and nobody on my route hates me and I can't hate anyone either.
*sigh*
_________________
Standing on the Fifth Dimension.
"Network, network, network. Meeting people face-to-face is best, and you can network with a series of brief conversations. Practice maintaining eye contact and carrying on a conversation. In any case, networking by phone is still an option, and email/Internet networking is better than none at all. "
How do you "network" when they wont even have a short conversation with you before they "label" you?
Your "social" based job hunting BS is laughed at here.
Hello Wogar,
Congratulations! I would consider that a job, albeit a part-time one. You're showing you can conform to a schedule and do work that benefits others. You've shown how you can help your other; you may be able to parlay that experience into another position.
Hi Worldtraveler,
I'm very sorry. I do understand many people can be quick to dismiss those who are different. I went to school - including college and graduate school - never having even heard of AS, let alone being able to advocate for myself as an Aspie.
For precisely that reason, it's especially important that we network as much as we can, because we need to meet more people than the average NT needs in order to find the same number of people who will form relationships with us.
As you know, there are different ways of networking, including phone and email, which may be easier for us. Networking in and of itself is practically a necessity for getting a good job. As job search experts put it, your choice is between net-working and not-working. I wish it weren't that way, but it is.
What do you think?
PS: I'm very sorry to have missed your replies up to now. I hope everyone here (in the U.S., anyway) had a great Labor Day today!
_________________
Jeff Deutsch
Speaker & Life Coach
A SPLINT - ASPies LInking with NTs
http://www.asplint.com
10 years, 5 since my last minimum-wage job.
Now I've had enough.
I'm looking at studying engineering or science, and developing a career.
First I need to discover alternatives to the usual job hiring process (interviews), as this is a major obstacle to finding work, and training to overcome it is ineffective for me.
I also need to research supported employment agencies, to find which are reliable and what they can do.
_________________
Life is Painful. Suffering is Optional. Keep your face to the Sun and never see your Shadow.
Hello Ahaseurus2000.
Good luck to you!
You might want to talk with your last school's guidance counselor, career center or their equivalent where you are.
Please let us know if we can do anything to help.
Cheers!
_________________
Jeff Deutsch
Speaker & Life Coach
A SPLINT - ASPies LInking with NTs
http://www.asplint.com
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